(Keeping ovaries)

Hi everyone , I am 45, no kids, always did want them but was still hoping, and was initially diagnosed with endometrial hyperplasia with atypica in 2018 after a polyp was removed from my uterus. I had had a month of nonstop bleeding and visited a few gyn’s before they realized it was the polyp that was bleeding. I was on provera for a bit, then got a mirena placed. In 2020 I also froze my eggs.

A year ago , April of 2025 my gyn said a routine biopsy showed abnormal cells present again and asked me to do a hysteroscopy with a camera. While the doctor was looking around inside my uterus she saw a small mass which initially she thought to be a fibroid but later turned out to be endometrial cancer figo stage 1. It was a horribly panicky month, and I saw a different oncologist than my own because I knew my originally one would immediately ask me to do a hysterectomy. This new oncologist asked me to do a MRI which could not confirm if the cancer cells were inside the uterus or had migrated into the muscle lining due to adenomysosis. She recommended surgery.

I saw a third oncologist who was sympathetic to my panic and unreadiness for surgery and wish to preserve fertility. He did a d&c and I started on megace twice a day with frequent biopsies. Plan to buy me some time to get pregnant within this time which didn’t happen. The first biopsy after that showed no more cancer cells. A biopsy 4 months later showed residual cancer cells with progesterone effect. Then a biopsy 3 months after that showed cancer cells present with progesterone effect. This was two weeks ago when we talked and decided to have a hysterectomy (uterus, fallopian tubes, cervix)and hope to preserve the ovaries.

I was feeling pretty go ahead and confident about this for the first week but have now plummeted to anxiety and worry about my decision, especially about how I’ll feel after surgery. I know I am 45, but my mother didn't go into menopause into her mid 50’s. There was still a dream of giving birth one day. I hope someone will understand and not judge.

Can anyone who has been through this identify with this feeling of overwhelm, brain drain, feeling like everything is happening so fast, and uncertainty? Also how do I get it through my head that this is really happening when mostly I feel fine aside from the medication SE? And also just general fear about life after hysterectomy as well as the grieving afterwards.

any positive vibes or advice ?

Thanks in advance !