u/Wonderful_Gas_8586

Hello.

Forgive me if this is a controversial topic. It seems Hillside Hermitage and Ven. Nanavira are controversial entities within the Theravada world.

I heard that their ideas are quite different from mainstream Theravada ideas. But may I ask how exactly they differ from the rest of the Theravada world? How do their views differ (views on Jhana, the attainments, Dependent Origination etc.)? It would be nice to have a comment objectively comparing particular Hillside Hermitage views with mainstream views.

I unfortunately don't know much about what is going on in the Theravada world. I am a busy person so though I know the basic concepts, I am also not that well-versed in the Dhamma's intricacies. I just try to keep the precepts and listen to Dhamma talks and suttas every now and then.

But after listening to some Hillside Hermitage videos and applying their ideas, I feel like my practice deepened and progressed. So when I hear that their ideas aren't widespread in the Theravada world, I become puzzled. How is it that they're really different from the rest of the Theravada world?

Don't worry. I am not some zealous follower of Hillside Hermitage. It seems some of their followers do seem to be on the crazy side, which is implied on past posts I've been reading.

Greetings.

I am new to this subreddit, but I have been watching quite a few of Hillside Hermitage videos.

I am a university student. I want to keep the eight precepts and attain the first Jhana so that I won't have to turn to sense pleasures for happiness. But it's really hard when I have schoolwork and my studies. I have tried withdrawing from sense pleasures but it was unbearable when paired with the stuff I have to do for school. By the way, by sense pleasures I mean music and entertainment, since that's what I mostly turn to. That's the precept I find the most difficult to deal with. I don't want my life to be only filled with just schoolwork. That's just horrible. I don't want to be some robotic slave to schoolwork.

I want to become a monk, but there's no Buddhist monasteries in my country. Also I don't want to waste my parents' money and effort. Things have already been set in motion for me in terms of my academic life.

I feel like I'd keep the precepts much more easily if I was a monk, or at least a novice.

I want to attain stream-entry and then arahantship because this world is just not for me. I have felt that way as long as I can remember, even before encountering Buddhism and even before encountering Hillside Hermitage. I have always felt lonely, isolated, and different. I don't want to follow the same path of academics and work as other people. I've tried being like others (due to societal pressures) and it has not made me happy and it has driven me to have mental issues. It's not only my own suffering that made me turn to Buddhism, but also the suffering of others. I don't see how people get joy from worldly achievements. I certainly haven't.

So what do I do now? I genuinely don't know how to move forward. Whether I practice the Dhamma or I don't practice the Dhamma, the point is that I don't want to be a part of this world and all its worldly matters such as academics, work, etc. Though I think the Dhamma is the way out, I may just be too weak for it. Haha. I can't bear sense restraint on top of doing school stuff.

I feel like most of the people here are older adults who have graduated university already and have jobs. And you people probably have stable lives with stable incomes and a good amount of money. It may be easy for you to say "just do your responsibilities while practicing sense restraint", since you're just given tasks in your work and don't feel the need to do more to, say, have a promotion. But as a student I think I need to genuinely work hard and try to get a good job. I need to be free from being dependent on my parents. I'm still young after all...

Also I think I will genuinely experience bad work and uni experiences in the future. I think the workload will just keep piling for me in my life. I'm still early in my university journey, far from graduating, and I may even take up masters studies and a PhD since that's what my "dream" job needs. (It used to be my dream job, but not anymore, it's just the thing I am most okay with now)

So what am I to do?
I am torn between renunciation and worldliness.
On one hand I feel disconnected from the world and see it as a sign renunciation is for me, but on the other hand I am still quite young and need to work hard to have a stable, independent life and I find it really hard to do so without music and entertainment.

Additional note: I have sleep issues so I think it's hard for me to sleep on the floor or on a hard mat, so I can't really keep the eighth precept. So at most I try to keep six precepts + celibacy.