u/Worldly-Value1960

I find it so preposterous to spend my limited daily energy reserves playing pretend with a bunch of hairless monkeys.

Forced to pad egos and kiss asses in respect towards the absurdity that is the human social hierarchy. I could do it a bit when I was younger, but now I have absolutely no energy for anything other than immediate survival needs.

People constantly call me rude, antisocial or speculate that I hate them or something, when I'm just neutral to their existence. I don't even have the energy to hate you lol

I find it all so boring and absurd. Arguments/debates always go nowhere, friendship/relationships seem strange and contrived.

There's always a bunch of hidden motives with The Social Game, and it is tiring.

It's just all so absurd what we do to pass the time here as deterministic meat suits.

I recently had an interaction with a stranger that was confrontational. I noticed that I react the same way Everytime someone is getting mad or yelling at me.

I tend to just shut down completely. I basically just put my head down and wait until they're done scolding me or whatever and then walk away saying nothing.

And I could try to explain the misunderstanding but I just opt for the easier, more energy conserving way of just non-action. I know they have their point of view and I have mine and were both right in our own heads about the situation, so I find debating useless.

There have been 2 times where I've yelled back and I actually scare myself with the kind of anger I posses. It's pure vitriol. Those two times both people looked really unnerved and they walked away quickly lol.

I ponder my own death quite often. I've had existential feelings come up sometimes where it feels as if I'm already dead. Like I'm puppeteering a corpse. A ghost in my own life.