u/Worldly_Cause_2309

Wife of 20 years met a new friend about 3 months ago. Of all a sudden red flags and 2 months ago she says there is nothing going on when I asked her about it and said well let’s just get divorced.

It was text book infidelity signs. We decided on no fault no contest divorce because we want to avoid the courts and wanted to split it up how we wanted but I still wanted proof in case shit goes shit goes south. I went searching through her phone because I wanted proof. Yup it’s wrong but I don’t give a shit anymore. I got the proof when her friend was texting her asking about “our sex lives” and just the betrayal I felt like throwing up.

That anger quickly turned into jealousy and that’s what eating me alive. We haven’t had sex for years (I could win a prize dead bedrooms). There was a number of reasons through that time. Lately she’s been having a lot of lady part problems and pre menopausal. She does have those problems and that’s what makes this feel even worse. Between issues she is having sex with someone else.

She pushed me away for years and then this. The jealousy that she is allowing someone else to do this when I’ve tried for years. I asked her about it because I thought something was going on even though I really know. She denied everything and said she doesn’t want anyone touching her because of those issues. All the lies just made the jealousy worse and it’s really fucking me up right now.

At least I don’t have to check that shit anymore and got what I needed. This guy is a fucking tool, she could have at least picked doctor or someone successful. Wouldn’t make the hurt any less but at least he would have had a job.

How do you get by with the betrayal after 21 years of marriage? I still care for her and was hoping to work it out but this new “friend” came into her life 2 months ago and now they are in love and want to be together. She doesn’t know i know and thinks I’m just oblivious to all of it. As soon as she started talking to this new friend there were a lot of red flags. I knew she was cheating but finally got the proof snooping through her texts today, I know that isn’t right but I really don’t give a fuck at this point. I feel like throwing up.

We were having our issues trying to work through them but within 2 weeks of meeting this dude he told her she’s his best friend and it’s now we’re divorcing. We’re trying to keep it amicable and split everything up but part of me just wants to bring this up and confront her even though that won’t do any good. It will blow up in her face at some point because this dude is just smooth talking her to get what he wants and he knew I traveled for work a lot.

I just don’t know what to do right now. Angry, hurt, sad…everything is coming up at once and it’s overwhelming. I really just want to pack my shit up and go. I’m really having a hard time today and just feel completely betrayed.