Am I the problem
I’m a 25M. I was in a relationship with a girl for the past 4 years, and honestly, she was my whole world. For around 2 years during our post-graduation, we practically lived together under the same roof. Those years felt like marriage already. We did everything together cooking, studying, going out, supporting each other. I genuinely thought she was the person I’d spend my life with.After postgrad, our paths started changing a bit. She decided to prepare for PSC exams, and I was trying for higher studies abroad. It took me almost 1.5 years, but eventually I got a fully funded scholarship and moved abroad for my studies.
Even after moving, I never felt our love became less. Long distance was hard, but from my POV, we were still deeply in love. I visited India once every year, and whenever I came back, we would meet, go to restaurants, movies, spend time together normally. I really believed everything was okay. Her PSC journey wasn’t going very well, and because she’s genuinely brilliant academically, I suggested she also try for fully funded scholarships abroad. I thought maybe we could finally close the distance and build our future together. But she refused, and somehow that topic kept becoming a recurring fight between us. One thing about me whenever we fought, I would go silent instead of fixing things immediately. I know now that it hurt her badly. I always waited for her to come first.
This year when I went to India, there was a medical emergency in my family, so I couldn’t meet her immediately. That became another fight. Again, I went silent. After a few days, I tried talking normally again, thinking it would settle down like always. Instead, she suddenly said:
“I need peace. I’m exhausted in this relationship. That sentence honestly felt like a heart attack. For a week I kept begging through texts to fix things, but nothing worked. Then I did something impulsive, within a month of returning abroad, I flew back to India again just to see her.
I went to her PSC institute thinking maybe if we saw each other after all this time, things would become okay again. But they didn’t. She told me:
“You came here for yourself, not for me.”
That completely shattered me. I still don’t fully understand what she meant. I cried on the road in 40°C heat like a mad person. I stayed near her institute for 4 days instead of going home, meeting her every day, begging her not to end us. Then she said my coming there was to corner and forcing her.That word destroyed me.
I know I made mistakes. I know I failed her emotionally by going silent during conflicts and not being there properly when she needed reassurance. I understand that now. But I can’t change the past anymore. All I wanted was one chance to prove that I truly loved her and was serious about our future. Because I really was.
I had everything planned in my head:
finish my studies this year,
get a stable job,
go back to India,
introduce her to my family,
marry her next year.
I genuinely thought we were building toward forever.But now she says:
“A part of me will always love you. Let’s be friends. I care about you.”
And I honestly don’t know how to process that.
How do you go from living like a married couple for years to “let’s just be friends”?
I can’t even imagine her as just a friend. Every single thing in my life reminds me of her. I can’t sleep properly, can’t think properly, can’t accept that someone who loved me this deeply can suddenly emotionally leave. What hurts even more is that, I caused all this myself.
Her replies were dry nowadays or avoiding my messages completely. I don’t know what to do anymore.