u/Worth-Strength3844

Me: Can I get a double iced latte?
Barista, who is a native English speaker: What do you mean
Me: I want an iced latte with double the usual espresso
Barista: I don’t know what that means
Me: How much espresso do you usually put in the lattes?
Barista: 2 shots
Me: Ok so double it. 4 shots
Barista: ……so 2 shots?
Me: Sure

I didn’t need the extra caffeine after that sobering display of the state of my generation anyway

Please enjoy the chaos that is my brain

*Parents buy a goat for milk* 12 year old me: this is now mine, and I’m going to collect 13 more and make them make babies to sell so I can afford to feed my collection and learn about their genetics and learn how to do everything that a goat could ever possibly need. Hey cool, I have a business now.

DOLPHINS. WHALES. OH MY. Let me print out an application for the sea shepherds and spend the next 3 months mentally preparing myself to go live on a ship and throw stink bombs at whalers. Ok I’m still only 16 and this isn’t realistic right now, let’s file this away for the moment.

Fitness? Cool, let’s gain 25 pounds of lean mass and learn to power lift in 8 months and get certified as a personal trainer. Never mind, I don’t like people enough for this.

Rock climbing? Let me buy a harness and shoes and a climbing gym membership immediately. *learns to climb 5.10’s with wimpy noodle arms*…*COVID HAPPENS* …well I guess we’re done with that.

I’m bored. I fucking hate camping. Let’s see if I can make myself like it because I have nothing better to do. *spends weeks researching camping gear extensively, buys enough gear to survive the apocalypse* “Hey friend who’s never camped before, wanna go sleep in a tent on a mountain in Colorado in 15 degree temperatures and snow and maybe get eaten by a mountain? Yeah? Cool.” *flies to Colorado and has a blast, doesn’t get eaten by mountain lion…never camps again*

I’ve always liked perfume. Why don’t I have more? *spends the next 6 months obsessively learning brands and notes and winds up with a $4000 perfume collection*

My acne is terrible. I’m tired of this. *spends 2 years watching every skincare video on YouTube, reading dermatology articles, and amassing a ridiculous amount of skincare product, then settles on an extremely basic skincare routine with tretinoin that works great…never watches another skincare video and gives away all of my extra products*

My hair is falling out. Let me spend the next few months watching a thousand hours of YouTube videos about wigs, learning everything there is to know about the various types and how to install them. buys wig…wears it 3 times ever