u/Wrong-Yak334

for the first ~3-4 years on Nardil, I didn't just have less social anxiety, I also had a tremendous amount of confidence and extroverted energy. the feeling was that of being my absolute best self in a crowd. I was quite literally the center of the party.

now, at 5.5 years into treatment, reduced social anxiety remains but the confidence is all but gone.

to posit an oversimplified theory: I'm assuming it's a dopaminergic phenomenon, as along with the reduction in confidence has come a reduction in motivation. I used to want to interact with new people all the time. now, I'm often more motivated to do work or game alone than interact.

has anyone managed to get this social confidence from early treatment back? and, how did you do it?

5.5+ years LC. my neuropsychiatric symptoms vary from tolerable to severe, and CFS/PEM symptoms have been mostly moderate. although the latter have been worsening over time, acutely so over the past year.

lately I'm struggling so much with loneliness. it's been a theme on and off over the course of my illness, but it feels especially potent and inescapable since a breakup 2 months ago. I've been functional enough during periods of time to date during LC, and this is now my third relationship with serious potential that's fallen apart due to my illness. each time, I was broken up with by someone I loved and wanted to be with because they couldn't see a viable future with someone so sick.

I feel like time has run out for me to ever have a partner. I'm sicker than ever, the horizon looks bleak, I have literally no money and have been engaged in a fruitless job search for 3 years, and I'm turning 40 this year.

I've been living with my parents since the beginning of LC, and I don't anticipate ever being able to move out. they're in their 70s, and are my closest relationships. they're not in great health. every day I think about how difficult and terrifying it will be as they continue to age.

I have a handful of close friends, but they live hundreds or thousands of miles away. they're mostly sympathetic, but have their own lives to live, and their felt companionship is limited to hanging out on Discord once in awhile.

outside of dating, I've made lots of efforts to make friends nearby - volunteering, meetup groups, etc. - but nothing sticks. I've put myself out there way more than most people do in their late 30s. but I've found that forming lasting friendships is exceedingly difficult at my age, especially when you regularly have to bow out of activities due to symptom flare-up.

I'm not going to be able to date again for a long time, due to the severity of my symptoms and inescapable poverty. and I no longer have any hope of finding a partner that I have mutual attraction with who will want to be with me in the long-term.

my loneliness now is so hard to bear, but the anticipation of it in the future is absolutely crushing me. I don't know what to do. a part of me feels intense urgency and impatience with the status quo, like I have to change something immediately or I can't go on. but I just don't see any viable pathways out. I feel stuck and full of sorrow and utterly defeated.