u/Wrong_Substance2361

My dream job is to be a paramedic, and I'm so upset I'll never be able to become one because of all my stupid phobias. I have contamination OCD and emetophobia, which I have done exposure therapy for in the past, but I definitely did not get over the anxiety enough.

I also have a terrible phobia of bones. Skeletons or old bones are fine, but seeing dislocated or broken bones, even just x-rays or bones on thin people, terrifies me and I won't be able to get the image out of my head. It also makes me hyper aware of my own bones inside my body and disgusts me at the feel. There are other body parts I’m afraid of too, mostly eyeballs and teeth.

People tell me that with exposure in the field I would get over these fears, but I don't think they understand how bad it is. Is it ever possible to get over a phobia? Does exposure truly work and is it worth it, or should I just let my dream go?

I’m so upset. Please help me. I’m suicidal. I don’t know if it was the right decision. I’m completely alone. I had to remove all my friend group too because we are in the same friend group. I just lost all my friends. What do I do? How do I possibly ever recover from this? I’m so scared.

UPDATE: A friend called the cops for a welfare check and I spent the night in hospital. They were fortunately very kind and stayed with me for hours, and I told them about my limerence and everything. I’m still feeling sick and upset but talking to them and everyone’s responses here gave me a little bit of hope. I hope everyone else that is struggling can be free too.