How do I (20F) stop hanging onto little things in my relationship with my boyfriend (21M) of 1 month?
I (20F) am in a relationship with and am living with my boyfriend (21M). I feel too sensitive and I get disappointed too easily. I used to get happy and excited easily, but it feels more fleeting nowadays. It’s hard for me to separate my personal issues from his personality being different than mine, figuring out if his behavior is unacceptable to me, or if I just need to get over some things (or at least learn how to handle them and understand they’re not a big deal, even if they feel like it).
Last night, my boyfriend and I were talking, but he does most of the talking a lot of the time. I mostly listen, nod, and respond a little when I can. It seems like when I start talking, he kind of looks off in the distance or doesn’t pay full attention. I get that what I say in return is usually not that exciting, important, or “smart.” I’m not trying to put myself down, that’s just how it feels. He’s very well-versed and has a lot of interesting stories. Sometimes he says things and goes into detail about topics that make me uncomfortable. But whenever I talk, it seems like the only one really listening is myself. Even though he nods or gives little vocal cues, I just don’t feel like what I have to say is interesting enough to him.
Anyway, last night while we were lying in bed, I admitted to him that it’s weird having him in my bed. I meant it in a romantic and sentimental way. Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about how fast our relationship started, and I wanted to connect with him because I haven’t really felt emotionally connected to him in a while. He responded in a mocking voice like, “Oh it’s so weird you’re in my bed.” I felt a little embarrassed, but I knew he was just trying to poke fun at me, so I told him I was sorry that was a weird thing to say. I wanted to continue, so I said, “It’s just… a month ago I never would’ve expected we’d get here so fast—that you’d be my boyfriend so soon and we’d move in together so quickly. I don’t know if you could tell, but in the beginning I was freaking out. I was so stressed and worried about your opinion of me.” I wanted to keep going and tell him how much it meant that he stuck with me through that and that he loves me, but he just looked down after watching the TV and said, “Oh, I’m sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.”
It was hard to appreciate his honesty because it just felt like I got stabbed lol. I told him, “Dude, I’m just opening up my deepest, darkest secrets over here.” He didn’t really pick up on it, so I turned over. I think he sensed the shift because he rubbed my back, but the fact that he didn’t even hear what I said, or maybe didn’t want to respond, so he pretended not to hear it, really hurt. Yeah, it was a pretty pivotal part of the show. Maybe the situation caught me at an emotional time and I didn’t know how to handle it.
Back to the original question, has anyone else felt a shut down like this when you’re trying to be vulnerable? If so, how have you navigated it in the moment? Also am I reading too much into this?