r/boyfriends

I’m 19F and my boyfriend is 24M. We’ve been together for 6 months.

My boyfriend gets occasional late-night phone calls from his ex-girlfriend, and whenever she calls, he leaves the room to talk to her privately.

At first, he explained that her dad has cancer and that he felt bad for her because he used to know her family, so I tried to be understanding. But over time, the situations she contacts him about have become more and more extreme. Recently she’s claimed things like:
- her dad suddenly getting much worse / being in an induced coma
- being in a car crash
- her brother assaulting her

Every time there’s a new crisis, she contacts him for emotional support and he responds straight away. He says they don’t talk daily and only speak occasionally when she reaches out, but it’s starting to make me uncomfortable how emotionally available he still is to her.

Part of why I’m struggling is because I genuinely don’t know whether he’s fully over her or not. His mum has even mentioned before that he’s been upset about her recently, and apparently other people in his life have told him he should block her. So now I’m questioning whether this is just him being kind, or whether there’s still emotional attachment there on his side too.

I’ve also seen messages on his phone before where they were sending long paragraphs back and forth to each other. One time he was out at brunch with his friends, and I noticed on one of his friend’s stories that he was still messaging her paragraphs while he was out. That’s part of why it feels like more than just “checking in” occasionally.

I also feel like some of the stories don’t fully add up, which makes the whole thing harder for me to process. But regardless of whether the stories are true or exaggerated, I hate that she seems to have automatic emotional access to him whenever something dramatic happens, especially late at night.

When I brought it up, he was reassuring afterwards and comforted me, but he also got defensive about her, which confused me even more.

I’m mainly looking for advice from people who’ve dealt with similar situations:
- how do you handle an ex still relying heavily on your partner emotionally?
- what’s a reasonable boundary here?
- how do you tell the difference between kindness/guilt and unresolved feelings?

I’m trying to figure out whether I’m overthinking this or whether these are genuine red flags.

He lie to me he said he's going to other country to fix something and then when I check his location his in the other country that he never mention he will go to and that country is my country but not my region I feel so hurt and overthinking rn I don't know what to do I do love him but I want to confront him but I'm too scared that he will get angry​​​​​

i don’t know what it is about him. i just love him. the smell of him, the texture of his hair, his skin, even his armpit hair. i hold him while he sleeps and i put my hands up his shirt while he sleeps just so i can feel how warm he is. his hands fit my rib cage perfectly, his dick is the right fit for both my hands and my mouth. i don’t know. when i’m going down on him i let the backside of my teeth rub his tip because i like the feeling of how smooth it is and the taste genuinely makes me want to eat him alive. i tell him to open his mouth so i can stick my nose in his mouth and smell his breath, im clicker trained by him and i want to rip him apart everytime he clicks it. his biceps are bigger than my legs and i used to suck on his forearms if i was having trouble sleeping and he normally pats my back or my butt so i can sleep. sometimes i stick my nose in his armpit and sleep there or i sit in between his legs smelling him. i want this man to literally beat me, i don’t know what it is.

(Take this detail however you want but I have bpd and he is very most likely autistic)

For context we've been fighting a bit lately about the fact that I don't feel loved enough and he keeps saying that we both know he's not enough for me..

I don't want it to be true but the reality is that : I am a hard working person, proud of what she does, party animal, very social. While my boyfriend is very introverted, almost addicted to video games, never goes out and got deeply depressed without ever wanting to help himself however much I would talk and beg to him..

I love him deeply, we've had a wonderful 3 years and 3 cats together.. We've also had some conversations on opening the relationship because I was frank with him and told him that I did cheat on my last relationship because I need new things and adventure (he was the same way has my current boyfriend).
He is a kind of open to it but I just really don't know how would that work..

I met someone at work this week and it's making me rethink all of this because of the last weeks and the fact that i met practically what I need..
I really do not want to hurt him but I am getting tired and need a new start.

Any advice from men or women would be helpful thank you very much:(

[18 F] and [20 M] in a relationship for 10 months. When we first started dating, he watched porn at least 4 times a week. Because of past relationships I felt insecure and asked him to stop doing that, despite us having a great sex life even with the porn. I know hat if nothing affected our relationship, that porn isn't an issue. However, now being later in the relationship, he doesn't watch porn at all. We have sex maybe once a week.

He asked me to gain weight and since then I've gained 20 pounds. My boobs and ass are much bigger, but so is my jawline and stomach. I dont know if he likes that, but again, he asked me to. I was 103 lbs at the beginning of our relationship, now I am 130 lbs. (My goal was always 120, I am trying to lose the extra weight, but I'm on antidepressants)

He was going through a rough time around 8 months and lost all of his friends. He saw me everyday and was very loving. Ever since he stopped watching porn, he has been nicer to me. The sex life at the time (8 months) was great, at least 3-4 times a week.

We're 10 months now, and sex once a week.

We don't live together, but I'm at his house most of the time. The past month he had asked me to go back home for a day or two, cause he wants "alone time."

I know alone time is important and VERY HEALTHY, but its his sudden want that confuses me. He hasn't done that in months.

THE ISSUE:

My guess? He got a new friend and that's why.

So his friend [18 M] has been coming over a lot recently, video games, getting high, all thr fun stuff. I've been apart of some hangouts and we all had a blast. But he asked me to go home so he could hangout with his friend alone. This is abnormal and new.

He has also (i know I've said this a lot) only been having sex with me once a week. I initiate A LOT. Morning, night, you name it. I even bought vaginal pills to make me taste and smell better.

Still barely any sex.

I dont understand. I have checked his phone (all possibilities, like cookies, screen time etc.) And he hasn't touched porn in months.

So I have multiple questions.

1. Is it normal for his to SUDDENLY want alone time?

2. Is he watching porn and i can't see it? (He has a laptop, but its been dead for months.)

3. Is he just less in to me now that he has a guy friend?

4. Should I even be worried?

I've (19F) been with my boyfriend(20M) for almost 4 years now. This is a recurring feeling,comes back and goes away. I just crave being single,no boyfriend or girlfriend, no situationship or anything. I love my boyfriend and he very clearly loves me and I kmow if this is the reason I break up with him it'll break his heart,any reason would break his heart and I don't want to hurt him but theres no way of leaving without hurting him,what if im making the worst choice and i ruin everything. Like even the thought of us breaking up doesn't sadden ne,and i feel so guilty about that because we've been together so long and I love him so much,but I feel like he should feel it too,our conversations are always so lackluster and I feel we talk just for the sake of talking,I don't like that.

But honestly I feel like what im saying doesn't make sense,I can't even tell my friends or family or even him because these are all people rooting for us to be togther forever and kmow what an amazing boyfriend he is and I just feel like im being a horrible person. Anyway,if you have any advice lemme know.

Please be nice btw

So me (18F) and my partner (19M) have been together for a year now. I haven’t watched porn since we got together as i think it’s disrespectful. Although we have never had that conversation and I wouldn’t even know where to start. But I think he has a porn addiction. I made that stupid mistake of looking through his phone, no evidence of him cheating. Just ALOT of porn. Especially on here and X. And some weird porn category’s that I’m not sure if I should be worried about..like he is a straight cis male but he’s looking up femboy porn..and I know straight men can still have weird fantasies porn wise but a part of me is like what if that’s what he’s really into..? I don’t wanna bring this up to him as I don’t want him knowing I’ve been through his phone and I don’t wanna ruin our relationship. But I just can’t help but compare myself to everything I’ve seen on that phone..I’m hoping he will mature soon I know boys are late to mature and he’s still a teenager, so it’s normal for them to watch porn. I know how addicting porn is especially for boys, and I’m assuming he’s watched it from a young age so that’s why he maybe has a hard time stopping? He doesn’t know I know he watches porn. And I suppose this is just something you have to deal with in a relationship. Might I add this is my first healthy and long term relationship so I’m still getting used to what’s normal and what’s not.
Sorry if this is a bit all over the place.

My boyfriend (23M) and I (23F) have been together for 1.5 years, but we were very close friends for 2 years before dating.

A few days ago, I found out that around two weeks ago he used a picture a girl we know had posted on her Instagram story to generate pornographic AI images of her. I honestly felt sick when I found out.

What hurts even more is that this happened after months of him repeatedly promising me he had stopped obsessively looking at sexual content online. We had already had many conversations in the past because I felt uncomfortable with the way he consumed content on social media (constantly staring at women’s bodies, sexualized accounts, etc). Every time I doubted him or felt insecure, he would swear to me that I was wrong, that he had changed, that he wasn’t doing those things anymore.

He even swore on his mother’s life, and sometimes on mine.

Meanwhile, he kept lying to my face.

There were so many moments where I felt crazy for doubting him because he would get angry, defensive, exhausted by my lack of trust. I apologized so many times for being “paranoid.” I genuinely started feeling ashamed of myself, ugly, insecure, and guilty for not trusting him enough.

And now I find out that while I was crying, doubting myself and trying to trust him again, he was generating fake nudes of a real girl we know for his own sexual gratification. He also watches porn btw.

What disgusts me the most is not even only the sexual aspect. It’s the complete lack of empathy and respect. The fact that this is a real woman who never consented to this. The fact that he could come see me the next day, act loving, touch me, sleep next to me, while hiding this from me.

He apologized and said he feels ashamed and regrets it. He says he was mentally unwell and that he’s trying to understand why he did this. But honestly, his apology still feels very centered around HIS shame and HIS feelings, not around the impact this had on me or the girl involved.

Part of me still loves him because before this, he was genuinely my best friend. But another part of me feels deeply disturbed and like I don’t even recognize him anymore.

I don’t know if this is something people can genuinely change from. I don’t know if I’m overreacting or underreacting. I don’t know if trust can realistically come back after this level of lying and manipulation.

Would you leave? Would you try therapy? Is this salvageable or am I setting myself up for more pain?

TL;DR: My boyfriend of 1.5 years (after 2 years of friendship) generated AI porn of a girl we know from her Instagram story after months of lying to me about stopping sexualized online behavior. I feel disgusted, manipulated and unable to trust him anymore, but he was also my best friend and I don’t know whether to leave or try to repair things.

Hi,
So just a quick question, My boyfriend of 1 year complains every single day and I mean EVERY SINGLE DAY. He complains about me going outside. I have to say to him exactly where I go and what time I go. I play on pc with my friend who has a strange sense of humour🤦🏻‍♀️ He doesn’t like him and demands that I get rid of him? He tells me I can’t have any guys on social media at all or to talk to any guys
Normal behaviour or not?

I’m 26 (27 on may 22nd) and my boyfriend is 28. I’m Spanish and he’s French. I came to France for work 5 years ago and ended up staying longer than planned because I liked my job and things were good with him. We’ve lived together ever since. I just finished a master’s degree here and I’m planning to move back to Spain in September.

When I met him, he was in his second year of university, but he failed the year for the second time and dropped out. Since then, I’ve supported him in everything he said he wanted to do, but he has always had low-paying jobs and, even though he complained about them, he never actually did anything to improve his situation.

Last year he decided to start a different degree. After a year of bad grades, very little effort, and almost no studying, he dropped out again. Since September 2025 he has only had a small 10-hour-a-week job that pays around €700, just enough to cover his part of the rent. The rest of the time he does nothing: wakes up late, goes to bed late, spends the day playing games on his phone or Xbox, eating, and obsessing over finding a football club… when that clearly shouldn’t be his priority right now.

On top of that, in 5 years he has not learned Spanish, even though he knows I’m Spanish, that I want to move back, and that he says he wants to move with me. And now he thinks he can learn Spanish in 4 months, which is simply impossible if he wants to work there. The job market in Spain is terrible even for people with degrees, so I can’t imagine how it would be for someone with only high school and no stable work experience. He’s extremely optimistic, and I don’t know if I’m being too pessimistic or just realistic.

And honestly, if here in France —his country, his language, his comfort zone— he hasn’t been able to finish a degree or keep a job without feeling “mentally exhausted,” I don’t understand how he expects to manage in Spain, where he doesn’t know the language, the system, or the job market.

What hurts the most is that he’s my best friend. We’ve shared everything for 5 years. A week ago I broke up with him because I couldn’t take it anymore. But we ended up getting back together to “try again.” He promised me that now he finally knows what he wants to do with his life and that he will prove it to me.

Meanwhile, I’m in a completely different stage of life. I’m ready for my next chapter: finding a remote job in the US or UK, saving money, buying a house, building stability. And he… has very little savings, his car is about to break down, and now he says “it’s fine, I’ll just use a bike for everything.” It feels like we’re living two different realities.

I want to belive him but I’ve been in a deep depression these past months living here in France, I’m emotionally drained, and I feel unable to make serious decisions. My heart wants to fight for him, but my head —the rational part of me— knows I probably need to leave.

What would you do at my place ?

I met a guy recently and from the day we met we haven’t gone a day without talking. I’ve been staying over at his place most weeks on my days off and we’ve grown very close. I’ve developed real feelings for him and he’s treated me better than any man I’ve ever been with. I genuinely saw potential for a serious relationship.

When we first met, he told me he was 20. I was already a bit unsure because I don’t usually date younger men, but he seemed very mature, worked, took care of me and everything about his life felt consistent. I also met his friends and family, and nothing ever made me question it.

There were a couple of small inconsistencies along the way (for example, things he said about his home life), but I put that down to him maybe not being fully open at the beginning.

Last night he asked me to be his girlfriend, and I decided to ask him directly if he was being fully honest with me. He got very upset and said he was a bad person and that I didn’t deserve what he’d done. That made me worried there was something bigger going on.

He then admitted he lied about his age and that he is actually 18, not 20. He said he was scared I would leave if I knew the truth.

I feel completely shocked and stuck because I’ve genuinely fallen for him. But I also feel uncomfortable with the age difference (I’m 23, turning 24 soon), especially knowing he wasn’t honest from the start. I also feel embarrassed that people around him knew and went along with it. I don’t know how I can trust anyone anymore if someone who was so good to me could deceive me like this.

I don’t really know what to do now. I feel hurt, confused, and a bit sick about the situation, especially as we’ve been intimate. I’m not ready to tell people in my real life yet, so I’m just looking for some outside perspective or advice. But I love him so much I know I need to be strong this relationship cannot continue I cannot date an 18 year old.

I'm 28F and my boyfriend is 27M. We've been together for 5 years.

Recently he spent a lot of money buying the new Forza game for PC. He never had much of a financial sense and always spends without thinking.

The problem is that he became unemployed and has no savings. He lives with his parents. He always has debts, and as soon as he finishes paying one off, he always takes on another huge debt.

He sometimes borrowed my credit card (I would make the purchase and he would pay).

He wants to buy a PS5 to play the new GTA.

So it would be the price of the console plus the game; he wanted me to buy it with my card so he could pay later.

I love him, but I don't think we'll ever be able to live together or get married because of the way he is.

I don't know what to do.

And let me be clear that I LOVE the compliments. My previous relationship (this is only my 2nd relationship, and his first) was not nearly as verbally affectionate, and I love verbal affirmations from my current bf. Ig what bothers me is that the compliments are usually about my physical appearance.

He'll say things like "you're so cute" or "you're so adorable" and sometimes tell me i look so beautiful and pretty. And I love that. Other times, he says things like "you're so hot" and stuff about my physical appearance in that way, which I also like, but I'm not always in the mood for.

Recently, I've been asking him what he likes about ME, as in my personality or character. And he sometimes huffs about it in exasperation but kinda playful. And he'll tell me "you're so caring, you're always there for me" etc..

Idk, maybe I'm just being whiny about it all, lol. I want to hear more compliments about my humor or laugh or SOMETHING that's not just strictly physical. And I'll tell him and he'll try and stick to it but eventually goes back to focusing on more physical compliments.

Maybe I feel a bit insecure that he only likes me for my appearance and that's all? We have some overlapping interests but sometimes it feels like we're opposites. And that's ok, bc I think our different interests balance out nicely. But sometimes I wonder if I looked different if he would even like me at all.

This is NOT a serious issue at all. Rather, I just wanted to vent and see how others have navigated similar situations that might be due to slight miscommunication ot misunderstanding. Idk.

“18(f) mirror pics” was the notification from reddit. What does this mean? Does it mean anything like he’s watching inappropriate content on reddit because he has repeatedly reassured me he doesn’t.

I’m 21 F and he’s 21M, he has told me he use to watch porn before the relo (been dating for nearly 2 years)

I will be changing our ages as he does us Reddit a lot my boyfriend 20 male just told me female 22 that while he was in university he payed a massage parlor woman when he visited his friend to do some R-rated things to him after that confession he told me that his friend and him went out and my boyfriend i will call him Josh went out with a woman and then he found out he was a man and still did it, according to Josh these were the only incidents and only feels guilty because he told me. We have been together for about two years more or less and he’s been in another university for two years, it is a six hour drive from his dorm to where I am and I don’t know how to proceed as of now we are more friends than anything I cry every morning and every night because I feel deeply wronged. I dont know if this is where i post this or not but I need help I can’t leave but I can’t stay I feel betrayed because he manipulated and lied to me for a long time and wont give me a clear answer as to when it occurred.

My boyfriend (35M) doesn’t shower every night and eats fast food 1–2 times a day almost every day. We’ve been living together for 2 years, and I’m starting to realize we may have very different hygiene and lifestyle habits. I’m 32F.
For people who have lived with a partner long term, how did you handle differences in hygiene, eating habits, and overall lifestyle without constantly arguing or becoming resentful?