r/boyfriends

Me and my boyfriend have been together for a couple of months now and while things are still knew we’re really into sexting and sending videos. I send him videos of me and pictures of me doing insane porn worthy things but he just opens them and goes straight to watching porn. I know he does this because he stops answering me for a while and when he answers it’s just dry like he’s busy watching other stuff..is this concerning?

I (18F) have a bf (18M) that I’ve been dating for four months. Our relationship is currently going as smooth as it ever could be, and he is genuinely one of the kindest and sweetest people I’ve ever come into contact with in my entire life, and I love him so very very very much. However, as does everyone, he isn’t perfect, and has some flaws, one of which kinda gives me an ick and is the main subject of today’s narrative.

Ever since we started dating, we text or call almost every single day for at least 15 min (call) or one text, a habit I decided to establish to make time for our relationship. He replies to my text messages, and picks up my calls whenever I call or text him, and we end up having a good conversation, something I find very glad and appreciative of him for. However, I’ve noticed a trend over the days. You see, all those conversations are mainly initiated by me. I make all the calls, and I am the one to send him texts, whether it be good morning, good night, or just anything in general. It almost felt like I had to remind him that he had a girlfriend. 

Taking this into account, I decided to try something. Instead of putting in the effort to text or call, I just didn’t. And I decided to see what happened. Guess what I got in return? No calls. Nor texts. It’s been five days since that. 

At this point, I don’t know what to feel. Well, I do feel a little hurt that he doesn’t seem like he wants to put in the effort to check in on me. But at the same time, I do feel like our relationship kind of works like that, me doing all the calls, and he responds at the time because he thinks that’s the time to not call him, especially since we both have strict parents and have to be careful of when to call. 

So, would I be overreacting if I reacted like this?

Mild backstory: I (F28) have been dating my partner (M27) for 5 years and we have an 8 month old daughter. I’ve gained some weight since we started dating and he constantly points it out and tells me’I could be hotter if I tried harder’. While I do try and maintain good eating habits I find it hard to maintain working out at home while keeping up with everything in the home. He also keeps hundreds of porn videos and pictures saved on his phone and refuses to delete them stating ‘he doesn’t see why I have a problem with it’.

I have not been the most sexual lately due to feeling insecure under his gaze after seeing what he’d rather see in a woman, and just general exhaustion.

Should I keep trying to break through to him or has he checked out and I should tackle the single mom life? I don’t have any unbiased male friends please share your opinions on the matter.

I'm a 23-year-old woman, and I've been dating my boyfriend, Sam (23), for a while now. He's a genuinely good person—caring, loving, and always there for me. He listens to me, supports me, and treats me well.

About two months ago, I met his best friend (22). What drew me to him wasn't his looks, but his personality and intellect. I find him incredibly thoughtful and intelligent. It's not that my boyfriend isn't intelligent, but his best friend stands out to me in that way.

Recently, I found out that his best friend is still in contact with his exes, even though they cheated on him. When they came to him crying, he comforted and consoled them instead of being bitter. That made me admire him even more.

There was another incident too. One day, I casually told him that he should come meet us despite having a hectic schedule. He actually came, not just to see me but to spend time with both me and my boyfriend. He even said, "If you call me, how could I not come?" That gesture stayed with me.

Now I'm confused. Is it normal to feel this way? Am I just overthinking and admiring someone's personality, or is this becoming something more? Should I work on overcoming these feelings and stay emotionally devoted to my boyfriend? I really don't know what to make of all this.

I made this post previously and deleted my account as I felt it wasn't needed anymore. https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1o0t69z/comment/nic4cd5/

.I spoke to him about it and we had a few weeks of no contact. His following count dropped by 600 the night I confronted him so I truly don't know how many girls he actually used to follow. Since then, we got back to how we were at the start and it has been majorly good. However, he recently passed out with his phone open on his ex-friends messages after saying he felt guilty about something so I picked his phone up to close it and saw that he used to send him ig girls and videos of Sabrina talking about how much he wanted to fuck them and his friend sending them to him etc. It's gotten to the point now where it's in my dreams and I feel worse about it. He has no idea I saw as I didn't want to cause an argument and make him spiral into a "You're insecure, it's just banter between mates" argument. Any advice?

My biggest issue has never been that he hangs out with his friends. I actually want him to have friends and enjoy spending time with them. What hurts me is feeling like I have to beg him to spend time with me or put effort into our relationship. Sometimes he seems excited to do things with his friends, but when I ask to do something together, it feels like it’s a chore.

During our argument, I kept telling him I don’t want a relationship where only I’m happy. I want us to find a compromise that works for both of us. But he kept saying things like, “My feelings don’t matter,” “I’m selfish,” “I’ll just do whatever you want,” and “I just need to get over it.” He even cried.

The thing is… that’s the exact opposite of what I want. I don’t want him to ignore his feelings. I want him to tell me what they are so we can work through them together. It feels like every time I try to reassure him that his feelings matter too, he just won’t believe me.

He also told me he gets anxious every time his phone goes off because he’s worried I’ll be upset if he misses a notification. I never wanted him to feel that way. I don’t expect constant updates, I only asked that if he’s going to be away from his phone for a while, he lets me know so I don’t think he’s ignoring me.

We both apologized, we both cried, and we both said we want to fix things. But I still feel like there’s a wall between us because he keeps saying his feelings don’t matter, even though I’m trying to show him they do.

Has anyone been through something similar? How do I help him feel safe enough to open up while also making sure my own needs are met?

I 26(f) met a guy 27(m) through hinge a year ago. We matched and upon finding we are located quite near to each other, we agreed to meet. The guy is working in a reputed institute and I am a researcher from reputed university as well. Our first meeting was very natural, we had a good impression about each other. We continued to meet and talk and there was no break ever since. I didn’t meet any other guy after him, in fact immediately UNINSTALLED HINGE after hitting the pause button within a day or two. It was not because I found the one, but rather what I would usually do after finding out dates are pretty consistent. Over the next couple of months I was under the impression the guy really likes me and I might not be able to like him as much, he was attentive and consistent. He asked if I am planning to leave him soon I replied the time will give us the answer. I was very transparent about my relationship expectations, exclusivity in physical relationships, monogamous set up etc. He eventually met my closest friends, became part of my group. He knew my elder sibling knows about him. We had fights because I started complaining that he is not consistent with his efforts anymore, to which he replied it was his job. I found out he was dating his colleague two years ago and they are still friends after they stopped seeing each other. I told him that bothers me because he would not stop talking about the time they spent together and her presence in all of his office lores. Once I raised this issue he started being cautious around me to not talk about her. I was constantly feeling lonely in this relationship because my gut feeling kept telling me something was off. I will let him get away with not texting, updating, ghosting because he would show up every weekend and remained very present and attentive. During the weekdays I didn’t bother him at all. Yesterday, I checked his phone for the first time, and saw his chats, his tone towards this colleague is rather informal, not necessarily sexual but not professional at all. I got to know about the parties he never mentioned to me. He mentioned they partied in groups and there was no one on one date. This girl sends him her pictures, makes him click her pictures, ask for Instagram captions on a regular basis. This guy is not on Instagram and so am I. Then I saw a screenshot he shared of another girl’s hinge profile where he said he is fantasising this girl’s assets ( I cannot use the explicit language he used ). It was a screenshot, two months after we met. I was shocked he used hinge during that time and to my surprise I found out he is still on hinge and there were 3 active chats. The latest conversation was two days ago. The chats were very superficial and non sexual. I was shocked, and he said it is because he sees my profile on hinge. Then I realised he was under the impression that I was using hinge all this while because I forgot to delete my profile. Even though he found this out, he never brought this up with me and continued to chat with other women every now and then because he was not able to confront me. I installed my hinge and showed the last bit of conversation was with him sharing his WhatsApp number. Then the profile was paused, no conversations no matches. I did not entertain a single male this whole year apart from him. He took all the social validity of being my boyfriend without acting like one. I tried to make peace with this but then I checked his WhatsApp and there was a sex chat with another woman, six months into our dating period. They didn’t meet, they certainly wanted to. It happened when I was back home for my sister’s baby shower. I texted him everyday during this one year old relationship, even though he stopped texting and calling from his side, I initiated contact everyday. He would be there for all the new year, Christmas, house warming parties, every weekend hang out at my flat. He didn’t like going out with me much and I raised this too. On his birthday I confessed the very obvious thing that I love him, he couldn’t reciprocate well though he was not entirely dismissive, it was a drunk conversation and it didn’t end well. Later he told me though he was scared he started to feel secure about me the day onwards. He missed my birthday eve and dinner party because of his schedule. I increasingly felt lonely but hopelessly in love, I was satisfied with the times he showed up. My bad temper surfaced when our opinions won’t match on social topics, his lack of social cues among my friends and lack of boundaries among his own friends especially his ex. He would apologise, soothe me, console me. I had a psychotic breakdown after finding out my gut feeling was right about him cheating on me ( it does feel like cheating). He was shocked to know he misjudged the whole situation and leveraged his trust issues with me to continue chatting up other women. He admitted chatting up others never left him with a good feeling and eventually he wanted to stop and confront me one way or the other. His hinge excuse doesn’t add up, am not convinced. His idea of boundaries are not right or wrong, they are simply disrespectful for me. What adds up is his aloofness stemming out of the occasional double life he would live because he was not convinced that we had a very real relationship and I was indeed loyal. He has been apologising after he allegedly realised his mistakes, he was scared to leave me alone. But I don’t want to get hurt anymore, sadly I was indeed l was in love with him. That is the only reason why am not able to shut him off or refuse to listen to his explanations. He on the other hand is visibly shaken but all my trust has thawed. Everything was real for me, but not anymore. I just don’t know how to navigate my hurt and my love towards him.

I (32F) have been with my boyfriend (33M) for just over a year. We don't live together but we do try to spend time with each other every chance we get.

My issue is, there are some things that are starting to grate on me a little. Things like, how he eats. He chews with his mouth open and smacks his lips so much that it almost makes me actually angry. I was preparing myself a salad to have with chicken... He helped himself so some of it and said "eh, it's alright." I reflexively replied "doesn't matter what you think of it. I'm the one eating it."

He also has a frustrating habit of craning his neck to see what I'm doing on my phone. I'm never doing anything I shouldn't be, usually just scrolling TikTok. I've gotten into the habit of just turning my phone to him and saying "that's all it is" before I continue scrolling. I also want to add, it's not like I'm constantly on my phone when we're together. I heard my phone buzz, so I picked it up to check it... I had a text off my dad and it was funny, a response to something I had asked. I giggled when I read it and started to tell my partner what it said and he interrupted me to say "oh I know. I can see it." no regard for privacy and it's frustrating me a bit.

As far as I'm aware there's no reason for either of us to have any kind of mistrust and aside from these really irritating "habits" he is absolutely wonderful. I'm just getting to a point where I might snap at him and I'm not quite sure how I approach it kindly?

Like "babe, eat less like a starving animal please." or "if you want to see what I'm doing on my phone, just ask. You look like a pillock craning your neck like that"

This is absolutely not something worth ruining my relationship over, I'm not daft. BUT I just want some advice or tips on kinder ways I can approach it. Bevause it's something I'm dealing with I feel as though my approach might be a bit more harsh (fuelled by frustration more than anything.)

Thanks for any help!

-Mora.

F25
M27
Dating for 2months

Hello people of Reddit!
My new partner is, as the title says, really ticklish. In a way that makes it difficult for me to give him pleasure. No matter where I touch him, it tickles…back, legs, chest, everywhere. It feels like whatever I do, he either doesn‘t really feel it or it tickles. When I use my nails to lightly scratch him it again tickles or hurts.
When giving him a handjob I can‘t do anything but also kiss him bc every other way of touching ruins the pleasure.
He told me that this has always been difficult for him bc it stops the pleasure and therefore he has never really had sex. He tried a few times but he never really got hard or went soft rather fast without finishing. I don‘t wanna try sleeping with him just yet, but I wanna find out how to give him pleasure in the first place.
What can I do? Any ideas?

So for context, me [19F] and my boyfriend [27M] have been official for 2 months, and we talked for 2 months prior to making it official. I knew he had a kid prior to talking to him (a 2 year old). We decided it was time for me to meet his son and his family in one day.
I got off work and drove to see him. I got there at about 7pm when I went inside and said hi to him and his son. We had small interactions here and there but nothing major.
About 30 minutes after I got there my boyfriend put him down for bed and me and him eventually went to bed ourselves.
However the next day was a different story.
I woke up at about 7:30 and my boyfriend and his son were in the living room. I hid behind the door for a moment before finally sitting down on the far side of a couch. From then on, I literally just sat there. I had no idea what to do or how to interact with his son. I know he's only 2 but I have little to no experience with kids at all so l was clueless. My chest felt fuzzy. All I could do is watch my boyfriend interact with his kid. I don't know why this happened and i couldn't move, I wanted to interact with him. I just... couldn't? My boyfriend said I looked miserable the entire time but it's not how I felt inside.
My boytriend puts him down tor a nap around 11am and we both talk about it. It's very obvious he was disappointed in me and upset for the little interaction I had with his kid. He told me it's best if I just drive home and not meet his family in chances of ruining their fun as well.
I feel terrible. I cried the whole way home. I'm not sure if maybe it was just because it was too early? Any thoughts/ insight would help.

Hi. My boyfriend (19M) and I (18F) have been together for four months, and lately we've felt like we've lost our temper. Our conversations almost feel forced, with each of us searching for something to say. Is this normal after only four months? Are we getting bored of each other?

what can we do?

I’m (22F) and (25M), my boyfriend said to me multiple times before that I’m not his type even though he’s the one who had crush on me for a long time before we started talking,he said that his type is tanned skin & tall girls , and I’m pale and short , couple days ago we were playing truth or dare with our friends. One of them asked him if a girl who’s just your type approached to you would you sleep with her ? AND HE SAID YES ?!!! . Mind you he has been the sweetest throughout our relationship which shocked me when I heard this . I need a genuine advice what should I do

I (18F) have been dating my boyfriend (21M) since December 2025. During the first month he was very affectionate, texted daily, and seemed genuinely interested. After that, things started feeling one-sided. I was usually the one texting first, double/triple texting, and he'd often reply hours later.

He said he was busy studying because of poor grades, then during my exams he said he was giving me space and that we'd spend more time together afterward. That never happened. We don't meet much because of college, so texting is our main way of staying connected.

Recently he's been staying with relatives and says he's too busy to talk. I would've been okay with even one text a day, but he once went over 24 hours without replying when I had told him I wasn't feeling well. I got upset and blocked him, then unblocked him two days later because my birthday was coming up.

He forgot my birthday completely. When I confronted him, he only said "sorry, it's my mistake." He didn't even wish me until my friend told him how upset I was. He later told my friend that he's struggling with his grades, isn't feeling well, and doesn't feel like talking to anyone.

I tried asking him to open up and told him I'd support him, but he refused to talk about it. Whenever I tell him I'm hurt or upset, he mostly ignores it instead of addressing it.

I'm confused. Is he genuinely going through a difficult time, or is this just an excuse? Can someone love you and still put in this little effort? Should I keep giving him time or end the relationship?

Any advice would be appreciated. ❤️

f 21 in a relationship w m 22 for almost 2 months
So I’ve been dating this guy for almost 2 months and he’s done a couple things that have thrown me off. The day he asked me out I went on Instagram and I saw him liking a woman’s post. A couple actually. So I started looking through his followers and saw he follows a good amount of girls and is in every girls likes. So I told him how I didn’t like that and ofc he said he didn’t see it like that but he won’t do it again. It’s true he didn’t. But then later I was mentioning how this girl was disrespectful to me and asked him why they follow each other. He said she followed him first and they never talked. You’d think he would unfollow her but no and days went by. I had to bring it up to him that I felt uncomfortable just for him to unfollow. I don’t think his intentions are bad I just don’t think he takes my feelings into consideration like why can’t u consider me. Then another time this other girl who literally turned everyone against me saw us talking so she made it her plan to talk to him and she even saw us together and waved at him and he waved back!! (He knew how bad she was to me) and now he’s trying his hardest to apologize but it’s like it doesn’t matter what words u say or gifts u buy I can’t take him seriously anymore and I’m just turned off and wanna be single. Is what he did valid for me to leave or am I over dramatic and he didn’t know? I feel like as a 22 year old ur not a kid you should know how ur actions can affect others

I'm a girl and I'm 18, he's 20. We met and at first I didn't like his appearance, but he's a very nice, understanding, good person and boyfriend. We've been dating for 5 months. I really like him and we have the same plans for life, but to me he's not handsome, no matter how much I try to convince myself of it. I don't want to kiss him, hug him, or anything like that. I feel guilty about it, because he deserves it and a girl who will consider him the most handsome. I really like him as a guy, but I don't know what to do. Will he become attractive to me over time? Should we continue the relationship if I only don't like his appearance? Could this affect our future life? I honestly don't know what to do next. I'd be glad if you could give me some advice or share your opinion on this. Has anyone else been in similar situations?

I (19f) and my boyfriend 19m have been dating for 1.5 years. I have told him I loved him about a year ago and he didnt say it back. He still hasn’t said it. We are long distance so I was only home from school for about 4 weeks overall (3 different breaks) so he didn’t have a lot of opportunity to say it in person. Also when I said if he said he feels it he just can’t say it and he was worried I was only saying it because I was scared to do long distanc. He also said it took him a year and an half to say it to his ex but “i’m not saying you’ll have to wait that long” What makes this hard is at the beginning of the summer his mom passed suddenly which was obviously so hard for him so I feel bad being upset about this when it seems so small in compariso. I haven’t brought it up for like 9 months and I’m not going to because he has enough to deal with but i’m just wondering will he ever say it? I know i’m a bad person for thinking abt this when he’s grieving and I was really close to her aswell but I just wish I could tell him I loved him.

He is 18(M) and I'm 17(FM),we've been together for a year though he was trying on me frm 2 years.We are in a great stage and he is too lovely and caring but almost every convo of ours include one of his who he treated poorly and now he regrets it. They have same subjects so they do see each other still but she obviously hates him which is obvious.

He keeps telling things about her and almost every convo from his side includes her like somehow she is always there and wierdly sometimes it feels like forced attention towards her.. Idk it just doesn't makes sense.

He usually tells me everything so I feel like he is just not filtering out things and that might be the reason but after all I am also just a human being who feels..

He also talks to his exes but always tells me everything and there was a chat which was actually wrong and he would have definately made a scene if did that but he gave me reasons soo yeahh...And I fear that if I say something about it to him he might get hurt or smtg because he is already mostly afraid that he might be hurting me somehow and he is insecure and treats me very well which makes it all really confusing.

I (20F) am in a relationship with and am living with my boyfriend (21M). I feel too sensitive and I get disappointed too easily. I used to get happy and excited easily, but it feels more fleeting nowadays. It’s hard for me to separate my personal issues from his personality being different than mine, figuring out if his behavior is unacceptable to me, or if I just need to get over some things (or at least learn how to handle them and understand they’re not a big deal, even if they feel like it).
Last night, my boyfriend and I were talking, but he does most of the talking a lot of the time. I mostly listen, nod, and respond a little when I can. It seems like when I start talking, he kind of looks off in the distance or doesn’t pay full attention. I get that what I say in return is usually not that exciting, important, or “smart.” I’m not trying to put myself down, that’s just how it feels. He’s very well-versed and has a lot of interesting stories. Sometimes he says things and goes into detail about topics that make me uncomfortable. But whenever I talk, it seems like the only one really listening is myself. Even though he nods or gives little vocal cues, I just don’t feel like what I have to say is interesting enough to him.
Anyway, last night while we were lying in bed, I admitted to him that it’s weird having him in my bed. I meant it in a romantic and sentimental way. Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about how fast our relationship started, and I wanted to connect with him because I haven’t really felt emotionally connected to him in a while. He responded in a mocking voice like, “Oh it’s so weird you’re in my bed.” I felt a little embarrassed, but I knew he was just trying to poke fun at me, so I told him I was sorry that was a weird thing to say. I wanted to continue, so I said, “It’s just… a month ago I never would’ve expected we’d get here so fast—that you’d be my boyfriend so soon and we’d move in together so quickly. I don’t know if you could tell, but in the beginning I was freaking out. I was so stressed and worried about your opinion of me.” I wanted to keep going and tell him how much it meant that he stuck with me through that and that he loves me, but he just looked down after watching the TV and said, “Oh, I’m sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.”
It was hard to appreciate his honesty because it just felt like I got stabbed lol. I told him, “Dude, I’m just opening up my deepest, darkest secrets over here.” He didn’t really pick up on it, so I turned over. I think he sensed the shift because he rubbed my back, but the fact that he didn’t even hear what I said, or maybe didn’t want to respond, so he pretended not to hear it, really hurt. Yeah, it was a pretty pivotal part of the show. Maybe the situation caught me at an emotional time and I didn’t know how to handle it.

Back to the original question, has anyone else felt a shut down like this when you’re trying to be vulnerable? If so, how have you navigated it in the moment? Also am I reading too much into this?