Is my Bf 19M flirting with his coworker 25F?
Just some context: me 19F and my bf 19M have been together for 4 years, almost 5 in November. Recently, we’ve been having a lot of arguments about his coworker 25F and I honestly don’t know how I should feel about the situation.
When he first told me about her, I didn’t really think anything of it. He said she was older, in college, and that they bonded over smoking weed. The age difference kind of threw me off, but I didn’t think too much about it because I trusted him.
Then one day he told me that he and his coworker were smoking together in his car after work. I immediately felt uncomfortable because it wasn’t just a one-time thing — it started becoming an everyday thing after work. When I told him it made me uncomfortable, he basically said that I didn’t trust him and that I couldn’t control who he hung out with just because she was a girl.
Honestly, that made me start questioning myself. I thought maybe I really was just being insecure, so I tried to stop bringing her up because I didn’t want to be controlling or “that girlfriend.”
Eventually, she quit her job and he told me she wasn’t working there anymore. A month or so later, he mentioned that he was going to split some weed with her. I was confused because they were still talking and hanging out even though they weren’t coworkers anymore, but I didn’t say much about it.
Then he ended up dropping weed off at her house and smoking with her.
A few days later, I had a gut feeling and went through his phone. I know going through his phone was wrong, and I’m not trying to justify it. But reading their messages honestly made me feel even worse.
She was calling him pet names, and some of the way they talked to each other felt really flirty to me. I’ve never personally had a guy friend talk to me that way unless there was some kind of attraction involved. There were also jokes that I felt crossed a line, and the overall way they communicated made me uncomfortable.
There were also messages like “I’m still gon be here when u ready tho” with 😏 and other things that, to me, didn’t feel like normal coworker/friend behavior.
I’m not saying my bf definitely cheated on me because I genuinely don’t know that. What I’m struggling with is whether I’m dismissing my own feelings and calling myself insecure when there are actually some legitimate boundaries being crossed.
For people who have been in long-term relationships, how would you interpret this kind of friendship? Would this level of communication and hanging out with a former coworker make you uncomfortable too? I’d really appreciate some honest perspective because I’m having a hard time figuring out where the line is between reasonable boundaries and insecurity.