My (28F) BF (26M) suddenly acting disrespectful
28F 26M, in a relationship for 1 year. Have known each other on/off since 2017, got to know each other better april last year.
We are in a long distance relationship. We used to see 2-3 times in a month for a few days. This summer he suggested that we should see once in a month for two weeks at a time.
He has been nitpicking me since this spring. It started by him occasionally taking one word out of my sentence, ignoring the whole sentence and argue of that one word. I learnt how to ignore that type of behavior and everything went ok.
We have had some struggling with intimacy. Either of us is good with initiating intimacy. In the beginning we had sex for almost every day. He talked about wanting sex daily frequently, told me its super important to him. Suddenly he pulled back and at one point he only wanted sex once in a week. He had some excuses for it, but i dont think he was honest.
Everytime i try to initiate intimacy, he rejects me.
Now the situation has gotten real bad.
He nitpicks literally anything i say. I cant talk about ANYTHING without him hung up on one word.
Even if i talk about some childhood experience - he has something he knows better, even though we didn't even know each other back then. He was not even in a same place. Still he knows better what kind of bug i saw when i was 13.
He takes one word and wants to argue because of it. I cant tell my opinions, thoughts, experiences, anything anymore. I am too exhausted to getting into an argument because i said something meaningless.
If i explain things shortly - he kinda purposely misunderstands something to create an argument.
If i explain things very detailed and long to avoid misunderstanding - he stops me from speaking, literally hushes me and raises his voice saying "shhhh, hush, yeah i heard you hush, yes i understood, please you dont have to explain every one little thing". If i answer saying that i thought i was allowed to talk, he says "yeah well nobody is actually banning it from you."
Everything i do is somehow wrong. I accidentally used phonecharger wrong, organised his drinks wrong (i havent even heard about one spesific order to them), i cleaned the kitchen wrong, i use words wrong because i use them differently, i cooked wrong, i made opinions on groceries wrong, i take care of my pets wrong, i looked at his cat wrong, i pet his cat wrong.
He makes problems out of nothing and no solution is good. I try to help him with solutions but he just makes me feel stupid. For example, we have conversations like this all the time:
BF: i am hungry
Me: eat something
BF: i dont have anything
Me: maybe order?
BF: well actually i can NOT always order something, i have food in a fridge and it expires if i dont eat it now, its literally same as throwing money into a garbage, i am not rich either if you didn't know
Me: well sorry, you just said you didn't have anything
:(
BF: yeah i just thought everyone would understand i just dont have food in front of me right now
He even comments my meal sizes knowing i am trying to heal of eating disorder. He also commented that i am eating my bread wrong time, because he was at work meanwhile (we did not make any kind of agreement to me eating that hecking bread when he is at home.)
I havent heard anything nice about me for who knows how long. I only get negative feedback daily, multiple times a day. I told him it does not feel nice to hear only negative things about being complete failure all the time, or to be critisized all the time.
He said my chilling home trousers make me look hobo or granny, and that too small bra i still wore week ago made me look like a attention seeking sl\*t.
He seems disappointed when his cat likes my company. His cat is shy and does not like people. He used to say that he is surprised and happy his cat likes me, because it does not like anyone. Now every time his cat is showing me its affection, he sighs annoyed saying his cat is like that all the time, with everyone. If i am somehow special, he drags me down making me average. If i say i am good at something, he turns it like i am not good - he says "its nice that you enjoy it. It does not even matter that you are not so good at it, the most important thing is you enjoy it". When i say that "i said i actually am good at it", he sighs rolling his eyes saying "yeah well good for you then."
He suspects me of neglecting his cat when he is not at home, and last night he even cursed because he suspected me of locking his cat into the bathroom and then he saw i didn't do it.
He suspected me of eating "too much" at his place when he was not at home and got pissed when he realised i had not eaten really that much.
He suspected me of losing his scissors (he said "guess what, SOMEONE has lost my scissors. I havent seen them since...") and was not even happy when i found them and he realised that he had left them into that place.
I dont know why he expects i am neglecting or bullying his cat - i have had many pets my whole life and i get along with all kinds of animals. I have been working with cats (in a cat shelter) but he still thinks i dont know how to be with cats.
He said its just fully innocent statement or comment.
I just feel like he hates me. I asked him about it and said he acts weird. He says he wants to be with me and that he loves me. But i dont feel like it, not at all.
He has become so weird lately, it has not always been like this. He used to make me feel best in the world. Like he actually was PROUD to be with me. Now i feel like i am just a burden, nothing else.
He is not cheating, i am 99% sure. This is something else. Has anyone been through something like this, and what caused it? How to handle this?
I know the stereotypical answers (he wants to break up, he is cheating etc) but i have even more weird feeling about this. Something might be going on, but he does not tell. Tell me all your experiences about this kind of behavior.
TLDR; BF suddenly changed completely cold, comments/critisizes minor things, makes me feel guilty about everything, judges me and does not tell me whats going on