u/Z3r0_403

So, for some context, I am 19 years old and a university student with a rather complex medical situation and yet nothing is diagnosed. I have been looking into fibromyalgia but was suggested to also look into AS due to the similarities and comorbidities, and I do follow a lot of symptoms (almost too scarily close).

Yet, this is where my title comes in, I still can't bring myself to push it. I see people talking about flare ups, and just how horrible the experience can be and I currently don't find myself like that. I experience a lot of daily experiences that are constantly bothering me but never a distinct "flare".

I have probably had distinct issues that resonate with AS for about a year and as much as I understand that I could have caught it early, I am still struggling to persuade myself to talk to someone about this because it's not as commonly known about and so I am scared that I won't be able to correctly advocate or get the right tests - not to mention how being wrong or getting misdiagnosed could cost me a lot going forward.

Any advice? I know this may be a long shot, I am currently sat trying to deal with pain, whilst going through Reddit, so I wanted to at least give it a go reaching out to people who may know.

Hi there, I'm about to book in for a first tattoo and am wondering if anyone has experience with this?

I'm worried that my pain may be flared due to, well, the fact a bunch of needles are constantly going into my skin for possibly an hour. Not to mention the after care/coping with healing on top of that.

Any advice?

Please no discouragement as I am set on doing this because i want to be able to express myself, but I am just worried on how best to deal with this.

I have begun noticing a pattern more and more recently surrounding not only my flatmate, whom I have issues with internally a lot but we are good friends nontheless (probably because he doesn't know), but also now his partner, but only when they are together. To preface this, I am 18, they are both 19, me and housemate have lived together for almost a year now at university, and their partner can only visit every couple of months for barely a couple days at a time due to money and distance.

I often have been finding myself get quiet and closed off immediately whenever the two of them are together, but also angry at my flatmate, for no specific reasons and just picking at every tiny little thing and pulling him apart in my brain over and over again.

I always noticed this in a way, even from the first time in the first couple weeks of living together. The two of them spend all the time together and suddenly I'm invisible, and the attention I normally get due to it just being the two of us together, suddenly leaves, and somehow it just zaps every ounce of joy from me. There have been times that I ended up third wheeling them due to a friend (probably fp to me but I'm not getting into that here) cancelled on us, leaving me to just bubble in anger at them both, hating them and I don't even know why. Or now, where we were meant to be moving house together from a flat to a house, and my flatmate just hasn't said much to me at all all day?! Like, what, I eat with them, but I'm not really spoken to at all, and then they just dump the dishes on me to go to the other house and chill, not saying a word to me until asking if I could pick up a fast food order for them because they couldn't walk all the way to the place themselves (all of us have chronic pain conditions and they asked if I was more stable), and sure the intention sounded like just because I may have better capacity but how is this the first proper thing you've said to me all day since food five hours ago??

Now, the thing is, I do get it, that's why it's so frustrating. They have to spent so much time apart, of course they spend it together like that. But with every act of PDA I find myself seething, not happy for them at all. Yet, the moment it's back to just the two of us, we're laughing and acting like nothing ever happened - I feel fine, the moment the parter has gone.

This isn't jealousy. I know it's not. I don't want to take the dude's partner or whatever.

If anything it feels like betrayal?

Yet, my flatmate serves a function to me. Keeping me financially stable, encouraging me into getting drs or counselling appointments, studying together, cooking for me, the list goes on - and most of all he's a friend. Or, he is as close to one as I currently see myself capable of having, the only other close friend is someone I find myself having limerence for that I resent but can't get rid of.

I hate hating them. Yes, I've had more issues surrounding him, but I can ignore it as best as possible to live peacefully. But this? The disconnection I feel for no good reason, and completely out of my control, the hell can I even do? I'm too scared to confront him, you can't just go "hey mate, I hate your partner", but every time that spark of anger or frustration hits me and takes over I just feel like I'm drowing.

Side note, I'm not formally diagnosed due to last time I needed clinical support they shut me out (failed medical/psychiatric support context: >!psychotic symptoms with 8 pages full of evidence being labelled as "autistic and confused"!<)so have been unable to push for anything official yet, but the liklihood is 99% BPD (quiet, if we want to specify) at this rate so I associate with the label closest when trying to get support at least. I am trying to persuade myself to get a counsellor to restart the process, but for now I'm just constantly stuck in this sort of spiral and was hoping people may understand or even be able to offer some sort of support/suggestions?

If any of this or the phrases/words I use offend people please let me know. I am using things that try help me explain, and in no way want to cause harm.