u/ZealousidealKiwi1156

i tried opening up to my best friend about how i have been feeling and was just ignored. i tried opening up to my brother and he said i shouldnt feel depressed because my life could be worse. i tried opening up to my mom and she told me i was being too sensitive.

genuinely, are there people who actually care? i've tried so hard to reach out to the people close in my life but no one cares.

this is the first time that i'm opening up to people how i really feel. im not sure what to expect, but it would mean the world if someone could just read through this. i think it would make me feel less alone and more seen in this world. so in advance, thank you so much if you take the time to read all of this :]]

i feel so unbelievably alone in all of this because no one in my life would ever expect me to feel the way i do. everyone sees me as the "perfect person". the one who got into their dream school, gets straight A's, works out, has a girlfriend, and all that jazz. and i feel like i have an image to upkeep because of this pressure. that if i did break, if i told someone in my life how i really felt, they would leave me. my life should be great in theory: i work hard and it seemingly pays off. i have my mentor from my job tell me how great of a student i am and how much potential i have. but it breaks me, it really does, when i see other people believe in me, or keep me at such a high standard, because underneath all that, i am NOT that. i've had my friends ask me how i am always so happy or tell me they wish they could have my life. i have always been that therapist friend because i suppose, they believe my life is great.

as a result, i feel SO stuck. i feel i've trapped myself in a box and i have no way to get the help i need. because in a way, i am horribly afraid no one would believe me. the fact that i've been feeling this way for six years and yet, i still got this far and always appear okay. but i'm struggling so much. how would anyone in my life react if i told them how i coped for the past six years? the fact that all of this, all of my excitement, was never genuine. it was just me hoping that "fake it till you make it" will unravel one day. that one day, i will magically feel okay.

i'm on summer break from college right now, and i've just crashed. i just can't keep this up anymore. i have no clue how i am going to return to school and keep up this perfect image of myself. i don't want to do this anymore. i want to break so badly, to beg someone to just see me for me. to still love me for me, even if i am not the person i have so desperately tried to display myself as.

Hi! I plan to take PHIL 340 this upcoming semester and was wondering what others think of the workload and how manageable the class is. Thank you in advance! :))