u/Zeddblidd

I’ve been hunting this guitar for 33 years - success!

2026-392 / Zedd MAP: 57.80 / MLZ MAP: 44.04 / Score Gap: 13.76

Wikipedia / IMDb / Official Trailer / Our Collection

Country of Origin: United Kingdom

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It’s an imperfect process… tracking down release dates. If it’s a modern, major release (no problem) / bread-and-butter flick from years gone by (usually not too hard to track down) / a foreign skin-flick from the start of the New Hollywood-era (well…). I doubt every date is available for a film such as Virgin Witch but it’s just the sort of particulars I like to hunt. You never know what you’ll find.

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From IMDb: A pair of miniskirted birds who travel to a remote castle in order to land a contract in the modeling agency of the mysterious lesbian Sybil Waite.

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Speaking of finding - I will throw some pictures up - but my 33-year long wait has come to an end… my Vega bass guitar was delivered late yesterday afternoon (more like early evening) and once freed from its packaging ((relieving sigh)) it’s not only the right guitar, everything correct, right down to the color. It’s been a very long time coming.

My first thought… this guitar is (like me and the movie) from the early ‘70s… damn, it’s become antique. It has some age to it but it’s been well cared for. Then I noticed a small piece of decorative plastic on the stockhead and ((bam)) I recall my father saying we need to find a spot to etch my name and he suggested the underneath of that small plaque…

What’s the odds that this bass is my stolen instrument? It’s got to be astronomical. But then again… it disappeared in Modesto, CA - the guy I bought it from said he has a passion for Japanese-made instruments and bought it a few years back in Los Angeles.

While (extremely) unlikely, it’s not impossible either. As I said before… in all these years, I’ve laid eyes on thousands of instruments but only two bore the name Vega. They’re rare ((shrug)) but how rare is rare? Wouldn’t it just be cinematic if I flipped that plastic and saw my name underneath? Huh… that’d be a hell of a thing.

(Ok, if I’m being totally and completely honest, I had that sudden rush of memory but I can’t recall if we ever actually etched it or not.)

Speaking of being naked as a jaybird (MLZ: Wait. ((Looks around)) Was anyone?), Virgin Witch - which features real life sisters Ann Michelle and Vicki Michelle - is more than just the usual excuse for onscreen skin… but only just.

We’ve got the familiar set up - young, beautiful women being lured to a second location for nefarious purposes - but this particular storyline features a nice twist that ((shrug)) yeah, you’ll see it coming but that won’t detract from the fun.

Well, what fun there is.

MLZ: While nudity can be pleasant, too much just gets boring… and the Witch rituals were imaginative, but their repetition felt - well - draining.

Everybody and their brother grabbed a copy of Witchcraft Today by Gerald Gardner after the repeal of the Witchcraft Act of 1735 which allowed the general public a glimpse of the inner-workings of a surviving witch-cult in England. A slough of similar non-fiction books followed, each claiming to be “most ancient and wise” and (most importantly) pre-Gardnarian and well - filmmakers on both sides of the pond rushed to cash in on the frenzied rites of “modern, ancient” witches - frenzied pagan fertility rites, table for 2… anyone, anyone… Bueller? Bueller?

Naturally, I love the films, even if the screenings aren’t always strictly enjoyable in the cinematic sense.

MLZ: Boobs are like bacon - they nearly always help whatever dish you’re serving up.

Per usual, MLZ strikes to the heart of the matter but to the question of “is my name under the bit of headstock plastic” she is uncharacteristically mum.

MLZ: Well, it is the word.

Two tiny screws are all that stand in the way between me and that answer. What do you guys think?

And while we’re on the topic, we’ve got another debate: if you read the (admittedly longwinded) story of the night my bass was stolen way back in 1993 in my Slumber Party Massacre II write-up, we’re left with a mystery… what happened? Of course, we’ll never actually know but I see two possibilities:

Possibility 1 - The new guitarist “Roger” invited “Jordan” and I over to his secluded house with nefarious intention… an instrument heist scheme designed to nab our guitars and roughing Roger’s house up enough to make it feel like bad luck and not a planned hit.

Possibility 2 - Someone heard us playing and/or otherwise cased the joint and - to our misfortune - used our celebratory Chinese food outing to ransack Roger’s home, our instruments simply being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I’m inclined to think Possibility 2 has fewer moving parts and fewer assumptions but MLZ is unconvinced… she says Possibility 1, she was there that night and she felt suspicious right off the bat. She had that something’s rotten in Denmark feeling when we were standing in the ruins of Roger’s living room exchanging accusations. What’s your vote… or do you have a 3rd riff on the events of that fated night.

Two little screws, huh, and a Movie On.

Side note: I start on the premise of what year Virgin Witch came out and - like my bass - it’s a bit of a mystery… it for sure was Banned by the British censors in April 1971, after being advertised in trade magazines in December 1970. The Greater London Council leapfrogged the ban, granting the film an X Certificate in 1971 but just which day in the 1971 I could not uncover. An edited version went into general release January 1972 and later in the United States June 8, 1972.

Damn - what’s a movie dude to do?

In a normal case, I have a very particular way of recording release dates… today would appear in the MCC as 10-October-10 (10th month, October, 10th day)… it provides a unique, searchable date that won’t be confused with other dates I track. In the case of an unknown date, I’ll put in a space-keeper (who knows what the future will bring)… for now it’s 99-NoMonth-99.

Movie on, indeed.

2026-373 / Zedd MAP: 59.91

Wikipedia / IMDb / Official Trailer / Our Collection

Country of Origin: United Kingdom

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My problem - from practically birth onwards - is my unquenchable thirst for knowing. I can’t just see something new and ((shrug)) and keep going. I stop, I research, I ponder (colloquially called wall staring), and to one extent or other… I understand. I’d have made a terrible stone-age-era person. Not because they didn’t learn - certainly they did - but because I’m constantly on the prowl for facts which would be at odds with the need to prowl for dinner.

Learning always costs and I’m always willing to pay the time-price. Back then, that likely meant being willing to suffer.

Stone-aged Mrs. Lady Zedd: You catch Yak today, Zedd?

Stone-age Zedd: I was going to but then I saw a new kind of (animal / mineral / vegetable / whathaveyou)

Stone-aged MLZ: ((Grumbles in Grunts))

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From IMDb: In prehistoric times, two brothers fight each other for the leadership of their tribe.

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Case in point: the movie is listed as a psychotronic film. Um - ok - I’ll bite. Maybe you’ve heard that term but it’s a new one to both Mrs. Lady Zedd and I. Looks like we’re not having Yak for dinner tonight… I start digging.

Seems the word psychotronic comes to us by was of the French psychotronique, a word coined in 1955 by the writer Frederic Clerc, a word meaning “use of thought and will” - a combination of the greek word psycho (soul / mind / spirit) and the clipped suffix -tronic (derived from electronic).

Later, think late-60s, the word was borrowed by Zdeněk Rejdák and used to rebrand parapsychology - seems he hoped to sidestep the negative stigma that the ghostbusters were still pushing against decades later. Parapsychologist? Me - no, no - I’m a doctor of psychotronics ((nervous smile)).

MLZ: Cool beans, I suppose, but what’s that got to do the movies?

If we jump over the whole “military speculations in remote viewing and mind control” - that sort of business - we finally arrive at the crossroads of our word and the cineplex:

The Psychotronic Man (1979) - After a bizarre roadside incident, a regular - everyday barber discovers he in possession of uncontrollable, deadly psychic powers.

The low budget horror / sci-fi flick leaned heavily on 1970s conspiracy theories about Soviet military investigations in mind control. The B-Cinema thriller likely would have been relegated to the dustbin of history, except for a cinematic sibling in good standing (if I’ve ever heard of one) named Michael J. Weldon… a punk rock drummer and self-styled movie writer who noticed mainstream newspaper critics often ignored (or straight out dismissed) so called drive-in movies and low budget horror, exploitation, and sci-fi selections.

Weldon liked the sound of the word and conceived it, cinematically speaking, as psycho (as in horror) and tronics (sci-fi) and launched a handwritten, photocopied “fanzine” which he called Psychotronic TV - later renamed Psychotronic Video which blossomed into a full blown magazine which operated from 1989 to 2006.

Look - a movie dude after my own heart.

MLZ: All jokes aside, Zedd - that’s an origin story that is scary close to what you were talking about when you created the Movie Algorithm Project… you said b-movies weren’t properly represented and you built MAP to register quality of production but lean heavily on personal enjoyment.

For true.

Michael Weldon sounds like someone I could get along with (you know - cinematically speaking). From one movie enthusiast who took the reins for himself to another? What is 500 Movies if not a magazine (of sorts) about my abstract love of movies and storytelling…

What is Movie on if not our way of keeping that next story rolling. We’re not for everyone - in fact, if you’re looking for standard, mainstream film reviews, you’re ((shrug)) probably in the wrong place.

MLZ: Not that we don’t cover some of that too…

We do. But why eat only from a select range of films when there’s a bounty to be had if you’re open to it?

Food for thought… movie on.

2026-368 / Zedd MAP: 74.90 / MLZ MAP: 67.89 / Score Gap: 7.01

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Country of Origin: United States

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Homage to the Hitchcock.

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From IMDb: A San Francisco librarian picks up a hitchhiker whose car has broken down, which leads to her being stalked and hunted by shady individuals. A cop she briefly met during a function eventually comes to her rescue.

We’ve been doing a bunch of non-movie-related boring stuff lately, not my favorite, but sometimes life has to win over art. What can you do - me - I fit movies in the cracks, stick to well-trod titles, and look for better days (which are around the corner). The real culprit has been MLZ’s job, which seems to have exploded in recent weeks (she just got Desperately Seeking Susan out tonight, and we watched it last Saturday!) but I think this project is on the winding-down side of things.

Speaking of winding down… it’s basically the opposite of what we’re doing. September might be coming to a close soon, but October is traditionally a movie-heavy month. We’ve been chomping at the bit to get into our horror collection (not that we need to wait until October, but you know what I mean). Tis the season.

But what of the movie on hand - Foul Play is a star-studded, Hitchcock-inspired suspense/comedy. It’s been an easy watch since we first picked it up years ago. Chevy Chase and Goldie Hawn have good chemistry, but the story bogs down, so ((shrug)) what’s a little clock watching amongst friends?

… and then there’s San Francisco in the background. Man, I’d love to find my way back to the city by the bay. Who knows what the future may bring? We always wish for “this or something better, with harm to none” (of course).

Ok, time to put this one to bed (along with me with it). MLZ is looking for some restful time in front of the TV tomorrow, this week’s exertion has really taken its toll. What can I say - some talk walks in nature to relax, others play sports or bake bread… MLZ and I just like to get our relaxation in by getting our Movie On, however that manifests.

Movie. On.

2026-366 / Zedd MAP: 84.34

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Country of Origin: United States

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Hey! It’s a Hal Wallis production!

(You know you’ve got it bad when you start spotting mid-century producers.)

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From IMDb: A conservative young lawyer and a free-spirited woman get married after a whirlwind romance, but life in their rundown five-flight NYC walk-up makes them question whether they're right for each other.

Ok, it’s not as bad as all this (well, it is), but I’ve been inputting that Elvis Presley film collection, and Wallis was all over that set. A quick look shows the producer was connected to films from the 1920s through the 1970s and worked with a cornucopia from John Wayne to Elvis - and then here - with Robert Redford and Jane Fonda… dude worked with quality.

Just saying.

The film is exactly the sort Neil Simon got famous penning - largely a one-room comedy, the whole “opposites attract, fireworks ensue”. He’s peopled the film with a host of interesting people, dramatic situations that burst into comedic moments. Not exactly pushing the boundaries but a solidly built story.

Ok - Poopla, sirca al mercoori - well, that and it’s terribly late but I needed to kick this one out… more coming. We’re planning a two-movie write-up for the - ((blink-blink)) I can’t just tell you, you’ll just have to trust me. It’ll be worth the wait. Until then - Movie On.

2026-354 / Zedd MAP: 92.79 / MLZ MAP: 97.03 / Score Gap: 4.24

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Country of Origin: United States

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From IMDb: A bored and sheltered princess escapes her guardians and falls in love with an American newsman in Rome.

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An Academy Award winner that wasn’t actually given credit for 60 years? The Oscar in question was for best story and it’s author was the famous (and some say infamous) Dalton Trumbo - one of the Hollywood Ten, writers summoned before congress to discuss the Red Scare and name names… for his part, Trumbo was blacklisted and even sent to prison for 11-months for contempt of congress.

Yikes.

Blacklisted or not, Trumbo continued working, writing under various nom de plume and even other author’s names. Life finds a way.

The film - primarily a vehicle for Audrey Hepburn - was also a solid comedy for the usually stoic Gregory Peck, helping to lighten his image as the 50s really got rolling. Eddie Albert, whom we know primarily as Oliver Wendell Douglas of Green Acres fame (it’s the place to be), gets plenty of screen-time as a beatnik-eske playboy (full-time) and newspaper photographer (part-time) on assignment in Rome.

Speaking of which - the film goes against the grain by shooting in black-and-white. The reasons for that choice have been talked into the ground ((shrug)) whether the director was ensuring the motion pictures stars weren’t outshined by La Città Eterna or the studio was trying to save a few bucks - it matters little. I think the production would have benefited from being shot in color. Even without it, Edith Head won an Oscar for Costume Design which likely helped Hepburn win an Academy Award herself.

As for Dalton Trumbo, as I said - once the red scare and McCarthyism were swept away by time, Trumbo and many others quietly resumed their lives. He passed in 1976, long before the writers’ guild reversed direction - they finally gave him full writer’s credit in 2011, 35 years after his death and nearly 60 years after the movie’s release. All things in time wins out, every time… eventually.

Ok ((cracks knuckles)) where to from here? You know us - Movie On is just how we Movie On.

2026-351 / Zedd MAP: 90.86 / MLZ MAP: 88.91 / Score Gap: 1.95

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Country of Origin: United States

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From IMDb: In Tulsa, Oklahoma in 1964, the rivalry between two gangs, the poor Greasers and the rich Socs, heats up when one gang member accidentally kills a member of the other.

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We’ve been life-focused the last couple of days.

(I hate that)

But sometimes there’s no choice. The house isn’t going to maintain itself and Mrs. Lady Zedd’s workload has exploded the last few days as well - we’ve only spoken a handful of words and - my fault - half of those turned into a fight.

(I hate that too)

It’s my fault, I apologized… but these things will happen. Friction leads to heat, it’s just how it happens. If it helps, she botched dinner last night so she got me back. Hit me where it hurt, where it’d hurt the most. In the chow.

(I hate that most)

You know ((shrug)) life happens whether dinner’s botched, an argument breaks out, or things are simply copasetic. I’ll give you the biggest trick in our - MLZ and mine - toolbox for bumpy day reconciliation… we never drag things from one day to the next if there’s no need. Whatever stupid thing I said yesterday ((poof)) what stupid thing? Last night’s botched dinner ((poof)) gone with the wind.

MLZ: I like what you did there…

Zedd: Did I do something… there?

MLZ: Slipping Gone With the Wind into the conversation - nice touch.

(I like that)

Francis Ford Coppola builds a rather poignant motion picture here - most of it has the feel, texture, and visuals indicative of films from the ‘50s and early ‘60s… the timeframe of the story, instead of more common modern techniques used in the ‘80s. But there’s one spot…

Picture it - two boys, Johnny and Ponyboy, are on the run and holed up in an abandoned country church. I’m telling you true, it’s bleak. They have few resources and fewer chances of making good their escape.

To pass the time, they read a dog-eared copy of Gone With the Wind / cut to the next scene / the sky is on fire with the orange-purples of a late sunset. Silhouetted against the vibrant, technicolor hues are our two wayward souls, drinking it all in. It’s more than passingly similar to Victor Fleming take on Margarett Mitchell’s book on the Old South. I wouldn’t have been surprised if Ponyboy had said something about never going hungry again (God as his witness) or simply that he’d think about their problems tomorrow.

As is our time-trusted process here at 500 Movies, the previous MAPs laid down in 2023 were expired and we reMAP’ped this afternoon. My score floated a few points higher - a little unusual (most films drift down over time) but not unheard of. On the other hand, MLZ’s floated from a mid-70s average enjoyable film up to a high-80s very enjoyable mark.

MLZ: I can’t say why, exactly - it’s a hard story about class and culture clashing… hard topics for me to watch these last few years. Our discussions during the screening really helped me get into things - it’s a remarkably well thought-out film.

I can’t help but agree. We watched it for Johnny… we watched it for Johnny!

Johnny: When you're a kid everything is new, dawn. It's just. Like the way you dig sunsets, Pony. That's gold. Keep it that way, it's a good way to be. I want you to tell Dally to look at one. I don't think he's ever really seen a sunset. There's still a lot of good in the world. Tell Dally. I don't think he knows. Your buddy, Johnny.

Damn, Johnny just kind of lays it bare, the only thing that’s actually important - There's still a lot of good in the world - that’s the good stuff for true. Even in the worst of times, there’s still good to be found. If you’re finding it hard to find ((shrug)) maybe you just need to look in the mirror… I work hard to be the good for my little patch of the planet, I’m betting you’re the local representative for your home.

All things in time - it’s an expression I often say, a reminder that life will bring things absent now if I just wait long enough… helps me stay calm during bumpy time.

Movie on.

Bread and Butter Order - One for Col. Sherman T. Potter

Wikipedia / IMDb / Our Television Collection

Country of Origin: United States

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From IMDb: Along with his brother and his friends, mechanic Christopher Titus tries to deal with his father, a lewd, crude, drinking serial divorcé.

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What I’m about to say shouldn’t be taken as literal truth but I think (as in, my opinion) is Seinfeld (1989-1998) left the air and Fox was hoping to catch some of that stand up to sitcom vibe and Christopher Titus, sometime aspiring actor / full time edgy one-man show comic, was ready and willing and ((bam)) Titus was born.

It was clear from the first episode - this was not going to be a show about nothing, rather this was going to be a dark cavity of comedy is Fox’s dirty bird of a mouth.

We loved it instantly.

There are dark comedies out there but this show - based loosely on Christopher’s actual life - is blisteringly black. The show isn’t for everyone. His father was a womanizing serial husband, his mother was “shacked up in the looney bin” - well, before she took the early exit option (if you take my meaning). Christopher survived a rather colorful childhood and found comedy gold in the catharsis of telling strangers about his trials and tribulations.

((Looks around))

Yeah, very much like I’ve done here. In fact - unrelated - my little stories and Titus bear certain ascorbic similarities. My mother also died young, not that I knew her well - her having traded me for drugs when I was a baby (she told me later she only used me as collateral), my father was of the “well, you won’t do that again” parenting style. To teach me about hydraulic jacks, he positioned one far enough under a 1971 Chevelle that I had to get under it, then told me to release it (promptly dropping the vehicle on my head).

“Now you know to do it slow… you won’t do that again.” He said.

He said that last bit often - 10,000 comedians out of work and he was trying to be funny. If I had to say why, I’m betting he had some jackass letting him make mistakes so they could make fun of him and that’s how he “learned to be a man”.

What can you do?

Well - you can share your stories with strangers and let the laughs roll.

Great show that only occasionally jumped the shark but we didn’t mind. Laughing through the hard times and finding the funny in bleak circumstances… it’s a gift.

“And me having kids, with my family history? My mom: mentally ill, shot and killed her last husband. My father: six ex-wives, four heart attacks. Both of my parents think alcohol is a food group.”

Christopher Titus

Rich and Strange
2026-345 / Zedd MAP: 67.88 / MLZ MAP: 69.52 / Score Gap: 1.64

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Country of Origin: United Kingdom

From IMDb: Believing that an unexpected inheritance will bring them happiness, a married couple instead finds their relationship strained to the breaking point.

An Unmarried Woman
2026-346 / Zedd MAP: 91.05 / MLZ MAP: 87.07 / Score Gap: 3.98

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Country of Origin: United States

From IMDb: A Manhattan woman struggles with her identity as she tries to move on from a painful divorce.

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Accidental double feature - I grabbed An Unmarried Woman because I was looking for a Sandy Dennis centered film because I’m a fan and the film was bought and watched a while ago and… of fuck - Sandy Dennis isn’t even in this film ((ha)) it’s a Jill Clayburgh vehicle.

Huh.

Listen, you watch as many films as we do, add in all that television I sit through (currently various PBS programs, Bob’s Burgers, Silos, Dallas, The Simpsons, MASH, Murder, She Wrote, and Titus)… it’s just a lot.

At any rate - Clauburgh is a force of nature, she’s portraying a fully modern 70s woman - family, career, friends, NYC, this gal has the life. Right up to the point her husband confesses he wandered into a department store and wandered out with a new love of his life. She is utterly undone.

In the second film, Alfred Hitchcock gives us an early entry in his filmography, a romantic comedy (of sorts). A boring, middle-class couple gets the chance of a lifetime when a rich relation gives them a generous gift and they use it to fund a globe-trotting vacation. Everything’s going grand… right up to the point the husband steps out on his wife with a pretty princess (who turns out to be anything but). The wife finds solace in another traveler - the dream trip turns into a marital nightmare.

Cards on the table - I picked the Hitchcock flick completely at random, looking down the MCC for films from 1932. I had no clue of its story elements ((shrug)) just two shockingly similar films, neither featuring Sandy Dennis.

Just lucky I guess.

Both films make good by the end (if life was more like the movies, right) with our traveling couple rediscovering each other (and surviving a shipwreck) and our thoroughly modern 70s woman ((shrug)) finding herself. Works for us. :]

Movie on.

2026-343 / Zedd MAP: 28.66 / MLZ MAP: 27.50 / Score Gap: 1.16

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Country of Origin: United States

From IMDb: A young woman investigates the seemingly accidental death of her father, revealing many unsettling secrets and putting her in mortal danger.

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There was no getting around The Waltons growing up in the 70s. Hearing the ear-worm theme song (put to paper by legendary composure Jerry Goldsmith no less, later rearranged by Alexander Courage of Star Trek wah-waaaaaaahhh, wah wah wah wah waaaaah fame) well - for a lot of Americans, it was a sure time to change the channel.

For my family, it was a strange incarceration… my sister and I were doing hard time in the living room. Honestly, watching John Boy and rest of the Waltons clan navigate the hard times of the Depression wasn’t half as hard as watching the Ewings of Dallas ply their corrupted schemes (the other mandatory watching of the day).

Actress Mary Beth McDonough - best known as Erin Walton - had a problem in 1982… her nine year long gig as part of “America’s family” had finally petered out and, like all the kids on The Waltons, had the same problem its primary star, Richard Thomas suffered from: John Boy Disease. Never once has Thomas shown his face that someone didn’t say John Boy. Likewise, McDonough couldn’t shake Erin Walton’s goody two shoes shadow.

Enter: Mortuary…

In an attempt to change her public image and forge a new persona for herself, Mary Beth agreed to be this low-budget slasher flick’s scream queen. I can’t say it was the right move - a better production might have worked but (oh my), from dialogue to costumes, and camera work to story basics… Mortuary misses every mark, cleanly.

Mrs. Lady Zedd: Tell them about the nudity.

Zedd: Oh, honey.

MLZ: Go on - tell them about the missing freckles…

Eighties slasher films are known for their naughty teen sexy shenanigans and Mortuary features one of the worst body doubles of all time. Different hair, different body shape, and yes… missing freckles.

At the end of the day, I wanted to see if Mary Beth’s acting was improved outside of the show she was known for… not a tiny bit.

MLZ: Tell them about the guy…

Zedd: The break out star?

MLZ: The one its kind of hard to believe - tell them about the guy!

Of all people - Bill Paxton - makes an early career performance as the eternally creepy son of an embalmer. Between you, me, and the fence post - I was never a big fan of Paxton ((shrug)) he was fine but nobody I looked for… that is, until his untimely passing. Not sure what happened, I just… miss him. A gentle, persistent presence suddenly gone.

((Sigh)) Bill - miss you buddy.

Another film down, Movie On to go.

2026-341 / Zedd MAP: 73.68

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Country of Origin: United Kingdom

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From IMDb: Two lovers stationed at a remote base in the asteroid belt of Saturn are intruded upon by a difficult technocrat from Earth and his charge: a malevolent eight foot tall robot.

One of the things I enjoy the most about getting my Movie On is there’s more than one way to do it. Some filmed entertainments are screened to examine matters of the heart, others to educate, and others still are purely for entertainment… the old razzle dazzle. Some films deep dive the human condition in a way that anyone would come away knowing a little more about themselves and the world in which they live…

This isn’t one of those. It’s possible this isn’t any of those things.

If not ((points up)), then what?

A swing and a miss? It doesn’t have writing sufficient to come close to “informing on the human condition”, it doesn’t have enough dazzle to razzle (or even razzle to dazzle). For a British production, they cast 3 American actors, then they staple another actor’s voice over one of them, ruining the highs and lows of the performance in the process.

But - hey, they also used camera and model work that would have felt at home in any low budget sci-fi film… before Kubrick’s 2001. Can you imagine following this line of progress… 2001, Star Wars, then dialing it back to 1960 with Saturn 3’s visuals, unironically?

((Blink-blink))

…and yet - I still found enjoyment in its flickering frames, maybe just not in the quality of its production but maybe, as is so often the case, by looking through the flaws, odd performance choices, and being honest about the elements that actually went right (without letting the went wrong bits beat up on what’s left).

I’ll tell you true - there’s zero doubt this film comprises lackluster performances, a confused script, a strange ending that feels like someone watched too many cheesy jungle movies growing up… those are the easy to pick and pull on threads.

Somewhere in the middle you notice all of the mixed, crazy Frankenstein and biblical Eden type myth underpinnings. The monstrous creation, Hector the Robot, starts as a blank slate but soon becomes the snake in the garden… but only because its programming becomes corrupted… it’s a message that feels more pressing now: exploring how human technology has human flaws built right in.

If you watch the film… stop and look around. The art direction was actually quite good with the sets standing out as a solid use of colorful.

Sound like a 73.68 to you?

I should add - this is among a few handful of movies that Mrs. Lady Zedd has watched and likely won’t watch twice. At one point, truthfully strange moment, Hector the Robot uses Harvey Keitel’s head as a strange sort of hat and it’s gross and ridiculous and a shark jump and… well, I think for her, it was a bridge too far. Is she wrong?

Absolutely not - if something within the film pops the movie bubble (our term for that condition that settles in while you’re suspending your disbelief), it’s much harder to get it back. Doorbells ring, bathroom breaks happen, some guy might shuffle in front of you at the theater… we’re not screening a film in a vacuum. A film crashing itself out is another matter entirely.

Something feeling off is off - regardless of someone else’s opinion, whether it’s family, friends, faceless internet commenters, full-time professional film critics, or (yes) even self-important directors pulling out all the stops to create FOMO.

Whoever you just imagined that to be :]

Movie on.

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2026-340 / Zedd MAP: 70.46 / MLZ MAP: 56.71 / Score Gap: 13.75

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Country of Origin: United States

From IMDb: While trying to save their childhood orphanage, Moe, Larry, and Curly inadvertently stumble into a murder plot and wind up starring in a reality television show.

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Zedd: You know… The Three Stooges and Ed Wood ((shrug)) practically the same movie.

Mrs. Lady Zedd: Ok, yeah… you can go (expletive removed) yourself.

Just kidding…

Actually, if there’s an (accidental) connection - a unifying theme between the two films it’s this:

Zedd’s Soft Spots

You don’t have to like Ed Wood’s films but I’ll be damned if I don’t love the drive to produce them. Hell, in a small way, I followed a similar path (I did mention small way) here at 500 Movies… we both used force of will to breathe something cinematic into life. He has my respect.

How about me and The Three Stooges? My dudes, I grew up watching them laying on the floor of my bedroom.

MLZ: I think your capacity to create misdirection - and then spin it up into chaos - may, indeed, by related to your young mind being sculpted by Moe, Larry, and Curly.

Zedd: … and Shemp, I loved Shemp.

MLZ: But never Curly Joe.

Well, that’s just self-evident. No shade to CJ, he just had impossibly large shoes to fill.

The 2012 film - it’s an over-cluttered mess… the Stooges are best in short bursts, which they tried to include, but there’s a few too many storylines that bog everything down. The rhythm is funny / funny / exposition exposition exposition / funny / exposition exposition / funny… it becomes easy to get distracted.

MLZ MAP’ped out 13.75 below me - in itself, not terribly unique but we did pause to discuss what happened…

((Pause))

Ok - she said the guys who portrayed the Stooges - Sean Hayes, Chris Diamantopoulos, and Will Sasso - absolutely smash the parts. She was very impressed with their ability to blend into these famous actors. That said - the movie loses focus in an origin story, a save the orphanage story, a murder plot, a double cross, the stooges break up, Moe becomes a reality star, they resolve the money crisis and undo the plot… they could have used a better organized script with fewer sub-narratives to smooth it out.

Fair enough - but I enjoyed spending the afternoon with these three birdbrains… I didn’t know it when I hit play, but this was just what the doctor ordered. No - seriously, I’m just MAP’ping regularly and Movie On’ing as often as possible.

Movie on.

12 Angry Men
2026-338 / Zedd MAP: 93.06 / MLZ MAP: 95.78 / Score Gap: 2.72

Wikipedia / IMDb / Official Trailer / Our Collection

Country of Origin: United States

From IMDb: The jury in a New York City murder trial is frustrated by a single member whose skeptical caution forces them to more carefully consider the evidence before jumping to a hasty verdict.

Ed Wood
2026-339 / Zedd MAP: 72.18 / MLZ MAP: 64.24 / Score Gap: 7.94

Wikipedia / IMDb / Official Trailer / Our Collection

Country of Origin: United States

From IMDb: Ambitious but troubled movie director Edward D. Wood Jr. tries his best to fulfill his dreams despite his lack of talent.

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Let’s get some business out of the way, right off the top - we’re running busy this week and I intended a different write-up for 12 Angry Men. Then the day got away from me yesterday and time was pressing this afternoon and I threw Ed Wood on. I had zero intention - zero - of pushing these two extremely different motion pictures together… hell, I intended to write-up yesterday’s film today and let today’s find it’s own way home (by which I mean I’d write it up when Mrs. Lady Zedd fell asleep).

Then my plans changed… “Hell - these are practically the same story!” I announced to a confused MLZ… suffice it to say ((shrug)) she wasn’t much in a mood to agree with me. She mumbled something about them both being in black-and-white, ending with a smile and a prove it look.

So here it is - the proof in the 12 Angry Men / Ed Wood narrative line up pudding:

Both films harness the power of the lone optimist. Both Juror 8 (Henry Fonda) and Ed Wood (Johnny Depp) stand their ground alone. Fonda plays the part in his usual manner… quiet talker, passionate about his duty to the man on trial for his life. Ed Wood - a real life producer, director, screenwriter, and actor - has a singular interest in pursuit of filmmaking. He’s at odds with virtually everyone around him.

Claustrophobic? If you are, I’m not sure I could recommend either film as both rely heavily on confined spaces. Whether it’s the courts’ cramped deliberation room or the restrictive, enclosed space of cheap soundstages… I could feel the walls closing in, either way. Something about the way small rooms squeeze the ensemble casts together, it forces each character into work with each other.

Juror 8 is the lone protector of the young man from the slum’s right to a fair trial. A murder conviction meant the death penalty. The rest of the panel couldn’t care less - they just wanted to get it over with. Our mild mannered hero humanizes and ultimately redeems both the accused and ultimately his fellow jurors. Ed Wood meets the washed-up actor Bela Lugosi at the lowest moment in the old actor life. Wood takes care of Bela… it’s rather touching - he helped give the old guy a reason to carry on, got him into a hospital to help with the senior actors rather serious addition to morphine, and reintroduced Lugosi into the pop culture mainstream. Humanizing the downtrodden - both stories lean heavy on that noble theme.

Both films proceed along purely on the weight of tiny moves. As Juror 8 wins over one vote for acquittal after another - so does Ed Wood with each single take “cut!”… which isn’t to say Wood’s film are high art but that isn’t important. He drew together a ragtag, motley crew of found friends and built a place where they all made sense… cinematically speaking.

MLZ: Only you, dude.

I call them like I see them ((shrug)) what can I say. The strangest bit for me was seeing Ed Wood won two Oscars and 12 Angry Men took only nominations. Proof that its foolish to look for logic in the chambers of the human heart and I certainly love watching movies.

MLZ: Yeah, that one is a strange order of events but I think Martin Landau earned that statue.

Too true (if a little ironic). I never put much weight behind award shows, myself. What can I say, I’m a big believer in MAP’ping regularly and a daily round of Movie On.

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