Is mirous attraction sexual or sexual enough to make me not-demi?? :(
Hey guys, the cis-bi demi-questioning girly is back :3 I posted here a few days ago asking about sexual attraction vs aesthetic attraction, and afterward I figured what I experience should be the latter and not anything sexual, but somehow it just doesn't feel like the right piece of puzzle.
Now after reading more pages on LGBTQIA+ wiki (cuz I'm still confused about many things regarding me possibly being on the a-spec), I have just found mirous attraction (and mirousexual), which is somewhat more accurate for me, and it is a bit different from pseudosexual attraction/pseudosexual, since pseudosexual attraction "is a form of tertiary attraction describing sexual arousal"? I don't experience arousal (unless it's like, non-sexual emotional pleasure that gives me a lil rush of adrenaline??) from looking at even very attractive strangers, hence why I don't identify with the term/label...
I've figured that I probably fit the demi label better than grey-ace (I have a rather high libido either way), and also that I'm sex-indifferent and likely aegosexual as well (as its own thing that's not demi in nature). But the new question I have now is this:
Does experiencing mirous attraction towards strangers contradict demisexuality despite these following facts? -
- Mirous attraction is "distinct from sexual attraction", and mirousexual is considered an ace-spec label (?) ^((I do see the problem with the confusing terminology))
>This (mirous attraction) is distinct from sexual attraction, as sexual attraction is a form of physical attraction based on a desire/urge for sexual interaction (something I've never felt for people I'm not familiar with and/or care about) with a particular individual, whereas mirous attraction is simply the desire/urge to look at and admire/gain enjoyment from looking at someone sexually.
>The term (mirous attraction) was coined...as a way to create a term for "individual-based attraction" unrelated to sexual attraction or libido/as the term "visual sexual attraction" implies sexual attraction.
>Visual sexual attraction, however, contrary to its name is not a form of sexual attraction. It is not based on an intrinsic sexual desire...
>Very simply put, it can be described as finding someone “hot” or “sexy” without any desire or urge to be sexually intimate with that individual. (which is something that I do as mentioned in my last post)
I'm a bit uncertain - reason being:
>It is similar to and is often compared to/seen as the sexual version of aesthetic attraction. It can also be described as a strong desire to gaze in admiration at someone who incites sexual interest/sexual-related thoughts or feelings.
*I understand this as "in a way/manner that is neither platonic or romantic or sexual (non-rose/tertiary attraction), but is appreciative of their sensuality, physicality, or sexuality"...
If I think about it, do I or have I looked at strangers "sexually"? Yes I have, tho usually very mild and very rarely it is prominent or intense enough that I'd be conscious/self-conscious about it (maybe twice or thrice??) - It's hard to explain but it's just not anything lustful or attraction-like; it's nuanced and it's something that puts you in awe... And I think this is what they were trying to say here but unfortunately denoted in a can-be fairly confusing way (especially for asexual individuals whose never experienced or cannot fathom the concept of such things) -
>...visual sexual attraction is related to sexual appreciation and involves elements of the experience of sexual attraction. Miransexuals view people in a sexual way and are attracted to people in this way.
and I can see why it offended & confused some black stripers... (not trying to look for trouble btw)
Like I can acknowledge and/or recognize that the person I'm looking at is sexually attractive from an subjective or objective standpoint (considering people hot) and really really appreciate them, while also feel absolutely no sexual attraction (the thing that defines the asexual-sexual spec as far as I'm aware) nor desire or whatsoever towards them; DOES ANYONE GET WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT, OR AM I JUST A CRAZY DELUSIONAL ALLO IM SORRYYY :(
Personally not gonna give my thoughts on the r/ actualasexuals post I linked, but seeing so many ace ppl being so opposed to/confused, and upset by that LGBTQIA+ wiki page has made me wonder if mirous attraction is actually valid - Cuz I'm already timid about a-spec as I'm not all too familiar with it, and the last thing I want is to claiming an identity/label and intrude spaces I don't actually belong in; that's why I'm kinda desperate and persistent in asking and finding out.
So please give me some insight on this my fellow a-spec folks. Any reply is appreciated thank youuu 🥺
Edit: I feel like I might be somewhere in the middle of typical aesthetic attraction & mirous attraction, leaning more towards the aesthetic attraction side, bc it seems like that the latter still implies sexual attraction in someway but simply without the sexual desire to engage, which isn't actually accurate to my experience... Maybe it's better if I start calling it "sexual-aesthetic attraction" or something bc it IS still just aesthetic attractioin to me...