Kicking the Eurospeed bucket
Hello lovely /r/stopspeeding Community,
I am just here to declare that I have absolutely no control over the substances I consume. I am 27 and have done the usual EU drug circus. Nothing had a grip on me like Speed, Pep, Amphe, whatever you want to call it. Before going to parties I was already looking forward to """STIMMING""", basically another 8 to (up to) 20 hours of post-rave/post after hour single action. Even with girlfriend I would sneak into the bathroom for sometimes up to 2 hours (no way she didnt notice). I feel so liberated typing this, Before I found this sub I thought this was my dark demonic secret that was going to warp my brain and soul from the inside. Anyways, a few years down the road, I really thought I did it (i was also in stationary rehab). I was sober for over 2 years, had sober friends, life had a vibrancy unfamiliar to me previously. I eventually started smoking weed again because after such a long abstinance it felt nice again so quickly became a habit. As per usual smoking blunts (joints in US) every day introduced a variable into my life that was unpredictable and a remnant of a past I thought I had COMPLETELY UNDER CONTROL AND MASTERED. It was through my plug who gave me some xtc-pills for free, After I told him I dont take MDMA because of my SSRI medication he simply pulles out a baggie of that sticky slighly yellow paste and from that moment on I basically was on Speed every day for about 2 months again. i did lines for breakfast, for after-work, i licked paste from my iphone on a trade school toilet. I consulted drug counseling and mostly managed through sport and yoga to pull through, or so I thought: but I was just coping. Through friends I was able to get a constant flow of perscription methylphenitad, ritalin, vyvanse with such regularity that I found myself in a position where I unironically thought I was "cured" because I was taking MEDICINE and not dirty eurospeed. Anyways, I have found myself in the deep trenches again for the last few weeks and this weekend I called an ambulance because I actually thought I was dying from Speed.
This is Day 1, and I am going in RAW. No weed, nicotine, caffeine, obviously no party drugs and no more benzos and opiates, NOTHING. And most importantly: no more STIMULANTS.
I am currently in the last weeks of my training to be a retail assistant, have reconnected with my counselor and will be in stationary rehab in a few weeks. I feel so liberated, I don't know why, but I am so looking forward to not doing drugs anymore