u/Ziege2001

Okay, few disclaimers to start off:

I am a teen, not 18. I'm german, so english isn't my first language, apologies for that. I'm not sure if this is the right sub to talk about this, it just felt right. And I probably will loose track of what I'm saying, how I formulate things, and my personality might change while writing this. This happens when I do longet posts, I'm not sure why.

I've been struggling with something I can only describe as "passive sadness" for a while now. Can't put my finger on when it started, could have been last new year, could have been 2 years ago. Back when I was younger everything felt good, colorfull, vibrant. I've been living in a village, surrounded by nature, ever since the second grade when we moved from the city, and I see the most beautifull stuff every day. Yet I have to force myself to smile. Every time I actually feel happy, it's only temporary, just for the moment when I start laughing, you know? Except for my weekly guitar lessons, that's when my mood betters for a whole hour. And then I see the little kids, casually laughing and enjoying themselves. And then I see the big kids, just like me, laughing and enjoying themselves. And then I feel really sad. Well, I used to, when this all started. Now I just constantly feel empty.

I saw a couple things online to help one be happy again. "do sport" "less media" "experience with your senses". Do I just need to force these things on to me? Will that make me feel like a kid again?

I have been suffering from this for quite some time now. Even though this might just sound pathetic, if you can help me, in any way, please do.