u/ZombiePoultry

I (52m)have a 24 year old son. We were never *particularly* close while he was growing up as I and my wife were both going outside of our marriage. Divorce was relatively painless in technical terms we were young, not much in assets, and we had both graduated from Uni. Due to the stress of us bot working and going to school while raising a toddler, the stress became unbearable for both of us. We had started the relationship when we were both in HS, and married just a couple years later.

When she decided not to come home one night after going out with her friends for drinks, I asked her to verify which friends house she was staying at and she refused to tell me which i took to mean the worst. Then it happened again. Then again. Each time later, and she had finally stopped to ask permission to stay with her 'friend' while I was at home with kiddo (Which, believe me, I did not mind. I hadn't been able to spend more than an hour or two here and there while finishing up my studies and finally finally finally i could get to know my little man for once. It was honestly one of the most exhilarating times of my life.

Then she came home while I was still awake and I could just *smell* the man on her, and she didn't deny it and laughed at me about 'how much bigger he was' etc. I am not trying to minimize my actions here, mind. The only thing that separated us in terms of a physical relationship was the fact that a girl I had been speaking to was over the internet exclusively (She was a classmate for one of the teleclasses)

I Simply was not going to go back into a woman that another man had been in. We met as virgins and lost it to each other. And the thought of touching her again filled me with dread, so I took an apartment in the same complex until the divorce went through. Soon after she graduated she moved back to her old home town and her family got involved in the divorce, especially in regards to how she had been treating him. (Wanting to go out all the time, leaving kiddo with her parents to watch so she could party, whatever.) I wasn't concerned. Her parents are legit good people. Or should I say were.

We had to sort through custody hearings as you do, and her entire family was seated behind me and speaking up on my behalf since she took it upon herself to "miss up for her college days" and they were concerned, etc etc. We get thru the hearings, joint custody and support is agreed on, life goes on.

But she had moved 4 hours away from me. My chances to see him were limited for a good 15 years or so. I could call him, send him cards, went down to see him as often as I could.

Now, he's 24. About 4 years ago I started getting sick. Really Really sick. I had cancer in my kidney that was causing chemical changes in my body no matter what I ate, drank, whatever. I lived sleeping with my head on the toilet too afraid to get away from it for long due to the constant vomiting.

I was shut down entirely. I wasn't speaking to anyone about it (other than my doctors) I just simply did not have the energy or wherewithal to keep in contact with anyone. If people called, I'd let them know as much as I could before my body said nope.

I still tried to make it appoint to reach out to him once a month if I could, but I fully admit there were spans where I wasn't sure what day of the week it was, let alone what month. The mental problems this all created were severe. And I withdrew completely for the past 2 years as I finished surgery and recovery was very very slow. It wasnt until 2 months ago when was finally able, for teh first time since 2016? 2017? that I felt like i was starting to get well enough to drive and see him again, and to that end my wife let me buy a YAY YOU SURVIVED CANCER! present, and got a new truck to go see him.

I had sent him an image of it and asked how he was doing and if he was ready for me to come try t see him and he just...tore into me. Telling me I never had cancer. Saying even if i did, it wasn't as bad as I was making it out to be. Nevermind that I lost half my body mass and had to be saved a few times due to my body going hayware. (I'm still only up to 60% of what I was when I was diagnosed.)

He accused me of drinking again, and I hadn't had a drop in 15 years. The only people that would have been filling his mind with his rot would have been my brother who's still salty i haven't communicated with him since Trump won again.

Now, the only person I have ever truly loved in my whole life thinks the absolute worst things possible about me, and I wasn't even given a chance to defend myself before he made the decision to cut me out from the rest of his life. Within a day, any avenue of communication I had with him, he had blocked me from.

My heart is so utterly broken. And if I could take it back now, I wouldn't have gone through the surgery and I should have just let the cancer consume me.

IDK what kind of advice might be helpful here, but I don't know what to do, I can't call, and I don't really want to be on the planet any more.

Yes, I have a psych and all that, but it all feels for naught since he's disposed of me.

The only thing I had to get through cancer for just dropped me like garbage.

ANd it's getting harder and harder to wake up by the day.

TL;DR I deservedly got cancer, made the mistake of getting better, and lost all of my family from it.

New information about the bronza package, preorders, etc for 2027.

Gladwin Green, anyone?

My first 2000 miles!

Got sick with cancer and was completely outside myself for several years and slowed down contact, now family wants nothing to do with me.

I'm really bad at this game.