Struggling with asexual wife
We never had frequent sex in our relationship. In the early years when I tried to get some it was always wrong timing, not romantic enough, not in the mood, and so on..
When I tried to discuss it, it ended always with arguments that I would cheat to get my needs and that I can not be trusted.. But it always was my fault.
This ended that we only had sex when we wanted another child.
The last time we had „reproduction sex“ is now 9 years ago.
Since then when I try to get some intimacy, I can try what ever I want. I cuddle, i kiss, give massages but as soon as it gets more intimate she will start scrolling on her phone… So I stopp and retire in frustration. The max I get back is that she might pet me little over my back or head. 2-5 times and thats it.
As I am tired of getting ignored/rejected I stopped any advances. So we don‘t kiss, cuddle or touch any more. I even got banned from our sleeping room due to snoring.
My impression is that my wife is happy as it is.
But as I am having stress within my job (many layoffs) I feel a lot of pressure as I am the backbone of our family. I start having slight depressions and on the other side I am frequently horny. I would love to get some intimacy, closeness and sex that I would feel more connected and loved by my wife.
We never spoke about it but I think my wife is asexuell. I am just fearing that this would ad stress, that again I would get blaimed if I start a discussion about it. And additionally: if for just pleasing me she would lay down with me I would not feel happy that she did something she does not want and she did not feel comfortable about it..
Any suggestion or advice from a women who is asexual? How did you solve that your man has needs that you cannot share? Do you also just ignore that he would feel harmed if you never show some closeness?
Many thanks in advance! In