u/_AYYEEEE

No AI. All me. Around 4K words. Not smart, don't expect it to be

The album “runaway” by Scrim is a journey 3 hours and 8 minutes in length. This paper or what-have-you will be focused more around the deeper parts of this album. There isn’t much for me to say about a song like sans duer besides the fact that it’s a good fucking song. I will also include a section towards the end that talks about my interpretation of the Via Crucis album cover and the imagery that was used because I do feel like it’s relevant to this album, and truthfully makes a whole lot of sense to me after listening to runaway. But don’t expect Shakespearean level ANYTHING from me, alright? I’m no scholar, I’m no intellectual, and if I’m wrong then I’m wrong. This is all my interpretation of these lyrics. I do intend to focus on the lyrics itself rather than raving about how much I like the project, cause I do like it a lot. Thank you for reading, now into the meat.

I. Religion

In this project, Scrim talks about his relationship with God more than any other project he’s done, including Via Crucis. I thought Via Crucis would’ve been the peak of this discussion considering the album cover and all, but I was definitely incorrect. This album mentions religion and God a lot, which to me shows that Scrim has strengthened his faith in the recent years, considering how he always says his music is a reflection of what he’s feeling and going through at that time. What’s most interesting to me is how he details his struggle with faith. In like, every other song. I find it to be very impactful. He uses lyrics like “Might change my name to Jacob the way me and God be wrestling”, “I be arguing with God, dawg, I’m out of prayers”. He talks about it extensively in “lord, i’m tired”. Just about the whole song. I’m no believer, but I can imagine it’s got to be difficult sometimes. Believing in something you cannot see, hear, touch or prove with concrete evidence ain’t easy. I, to a degree, understand the people who treat religion like it’s the tooth fairy or something. I understand why they might feel that way.

We all know Scrim used to be very anti-religion, anti-God and know he’s flipped to the other side of the coin. Was a shocker to me but shit bro I’m happy for you. I remember seeing a livestream clip where Scrim says he watched debates for years and shit trying to figure out of there was enough evidence to believe in God and I guess he’s figured it out, but I do find it very interesting.

II. Pressure & Sky High Expectations

Scrim talks a lot about how much pressure there is on him and the expectations people have. While he has been speaking on this for a while, I’ve noticed an uptick in this kind of topic in the last year specifically. Perhaps having to do with them being bigger than they’ve ever been at the moment. In the livestream about two or three days before Runaway came out, Scrim speaks on this as well. He says that he’s got a lot of people that rely on him for things and it’s just a lot that comes with that.

Scrim mentions a lot in this album how he feels a responsibility to care for the people around him and be the person that they need him to be. Dude feels the need to help or (metaphorically) “save” other people and overall be a strong and reliable person. Especially being as famous as he is, people have these extremely high expectations of him that he cannot reasonably keep up with because he’s just a human at the end of the day. When he says “God sized hole I’m seen through” on the narrow door, it’s revealing that people view him in such high regard and hold him to such high standards, almost viewing him as a “God” and these are shoes he simply cannot fill. He’s expressing that he can never amount to everyone’s expectations of him. He says things on the album such as “No matter what I do, I’m wrong” and “Still questioning if I do enough” because nothing he does will ever be enough to the people that view him so highly. It’s just not sustainable. Also he literally says things such as “Been that way since a child, boy, you’ll never be enough” and things of that nature, and I believe that’s what this kind of thing stems from but hey, what do I know.

He also mentions how his work and his responsibilities take time away from his family. He says things such as “My grandma, she mad ‘cause I owe her a visit. My momma, she sad ‘cause I owe her a visit. But what they expect with the life that they living? Who else gon’ get it?” and the voice notes on this album as well as on Via Crucis reflect that. One of the most notable voice notes from Via Crucis I can think of is the one at the end of destination: lost. It’s depressing for a multitude of reasons. The tone in which it is said sounds almost like a guilt-trip, but damn man. Hang out with your family dude. But you can’t. And that is sad. On runaway there’s other voice notes where the person on the recording is expressing frustration at Scrim never answering his damn phone, and it’s like damn dude. Pick up the phone for your people. But you can’t, and that is sad.

“Baby, I know that I’m absent. But these mouths get fed from my absence.”

He also says how he plans to be more of himself instead of shape shifting and being the person that people expect or need him to be. He expresses the desire to be himself and be seen as himself rather than whatever-the-fuck people are thinking he is. Shit like that.

“Can we do something real for once? Please just call me my name”

III. Escapism, Avoidance, and Running Away

Escapism, primarily through drugs and work, has been a topic of discussion in Scrim’s music since early $uicideboy$ days. In older music it used to be all about drugs, fuck pussy “Hoes all around me want their clit to be touched, ain’t learn yet that I’d rather do drugs, hoe”, and shit of that sort. And Scrim STILL raps about dodging the pussy!! But now Scrim’s a sober guy. He still raps very, very much about using drugs as a form of escapism, but that’s not what he does anymore. Now it seems that he uses his work to escape, and he talks about this many times. One line I can think of is from marlboro country where he says “I can never stop working. Baby, that’s when the pain hits”. Dude alwaaayss in the fucking studio. Always making a damn song. How else do you think we got 59 tracks on runaway and he still had some leftover?

But this album runaway is about exactly that. Running away. Escaping. Avoiding. I just didn’t add this as the first section because I felt it’d be too on the nose. Just about every song on this project mentions this topic. Scrim says on live that his first reaction is always to run. Just dip. Avoid it, escape it rather than facing it head on. Hence the name, runaway.

“Runaway from yourself, run away when it get rough.”

IV. Feelings of Inadequacy at 7:00PM

Scrim’s been talking about this shit for a while now, in lyrics such as “I was told my whole life that I never would be enough”, “Sick and tired of feeling like I will never, ever, ever be enough” and many others, so this topic it ain’t nothin new, but I still think it’s worthy to bring up.

“Just confirmed my worst fear, that I’m not enough. Gave everything I had to find out it ain’t worth that much” “Never gon’ be enough” “Been that way since a child, boy, you’ll never be enough.” And like 15,009 other lines of this same nature. I see it being expressed more in this project than previous ones, but this is his longest album yet so it makes sense.

I believe this also ties into how he expresses the desire to make people love him and make people proud. Not to armchair diagnose anybody but I’m beginning to have an inkling that Scrim simply loves to be loved and validated, much like everyone does. On reddit they often speak about reaction channels, how they’re “glazers” and such and such (while they could just like the music…personally I have weird wacky reactions to music I enjoy that a lot of people don’t really understand, so I couldn’t assume anyone is faking the funk.), and they talk about how Scrim reposting their reactions somehow “devalues” the art (which, no the fuck it doesn’t). But I respect how Scrim shows love to the people that show him love but I think at the root of it is the love of being loved and validated. Which I feel most people can relate to.

V. Family

Scrim talks a fair bit about his family in this album, in a lot of his albums for that matter. I remember before runaway came out, a commenter on reddit said something to the effect of “Is 3 hours enough time for him to talk about his opps, fucking his bitch, being sad and missing his mom and dad?” and I giggled a little bit because they weren’t fully wrong. He does talk about sex, and guns, and depression, and his family a lot. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I do love the music and the subject matter, but he does talk about his family a lot. Obviously, because it seems to be important to him. Artists talking about things they care about?? I can’t fuckin believe it!! But he does touch on some issues he has with his family, and one of the issues he seemingly has is not having an adequate amount of time to spend with them. He talks about struggling to connect with them, such and such.

“Momma said don’t talk to strangers, then who do I speak to?”

The song “a mother’s burden” is a truly deep one. If you haven’t listened to it, I’d suggest you hear it for yourself. Wowza.

Scrim also talks about grief on this project. Grieving the dead, grieving the living, and grieving the ones that are on their way. Shit, fuck it, grieving yourself, even. This album is one of the first I’ve heard talk so openly about anticipatory grief. “Looking at my family, wanting to cry knowing one day they gon’ pass.” Hit me in the fucking chest. I mean damn dude. He talks about his dad on trackstar and says “The older I get, the more I see my dad. The older he get, the more it makes me sad. When he die, it’s gon’ break me bad. Filled with regrets and “I wish I had...”s”. And it’s just like damn. Especially considering the line that follows “Text says “I love you, please call me son”. Dad, I wish I could, but I’m on the run.” Because I know this exact thing is going to be one of his regrets, and I’m sure he knows it too. It is really fucking sad.

VI. Fame, Fortune & Isolation

Scrim talks on this project as well as his others about fame and money and the impact it has on his life. He expresses how since he’s acquired this wealth and fame, people use him as an ATM or treat him as a trophy rather than a friend or family member. One of the most notable lines I can think of that impacted me the most was on bleeding ghosts where he said “Ask anyone that know me, bet I’m their favorite trophy. Put me in your favorite spot, invite all your friends. I won’t miss a chance at the only love I’ll get.”. He talks about how people ask and ask and he gives and gives until he eventually bleeds himself dry. “I can’t say no so they keep asking”, he says. He describes feeling like people don’t really care about him. “Bet it’d be the day I die when they start to care”, and how people only stay around him if they stand to gain something “Rooms tend to get more crowded the more that I’m making money. Just give it some time, they will reveal they do not love me.” “Don’t get confused and think they love me, they love what I have.”.

On eulogy, he also says “Take my money, say you love me even if it’s lies. That connection so depressing but it’s all I got.” “Now I’m looking for another friend to purchase”, essentially saying that the shit he has is the only thing people want and the only way he can connect with people. Shit, he even says he doesn’t know how the fuck to connect. “I bought that bitch a car, that ain’t affectionate?” “She just wanted me, all she got was Birkins.”.

He also talks about how he masks. “One minute it’s me tryna put down the act, next minute it’s lights, camera, action”, “Once the mask off, who am I really? Can I face it?”, “I hide what’s inside, they worship disguise” And masking don’t help shiiiiiiiiiiit. It’s something we all do though but it’s very difficult to build a genuine connections with other people when you shape shift to turn into whatever they expect you to be, like Scrim says he does.

Scrim also talks extensively about not being able to trust other people, which can lead to further isolation. If I had a dollar for every time he said he can’t trust anyone, I’d probably have like $70. That ain’t a lot of dollars but that’s a lot of bars. “Who the fuck am I gon’ talk to? Even myself can’t trust.”. He speaks a lot about how other people are fake and have turned on him “Ain’t nothing real, they all fake and a façade.”, “lost count of people that done fold on me”. He says people treat him as something they can just disregard, “another used toy they let go”, describes his fear of getting close to people “They try to get too close, I take off in a rush”, and so on and so on. He also literally calls himself lonely boy for fucks sake. “Lonely boy, I’m desolate” “So many people, but the world lonely”

Scrim ALSO talks about how he never used to fit in and always felt like something was off. You know what that can lead to? You’ve got it, isolation!!

He speaks about how fame ain’t really his style in quite a few songs. “While you’re at it, take the fame” “Sick and tired of the fame, sick and tired of the stage” “They want a picture and I just want peace, but flip it around now I think they don’t love me”

And truthfully, this is all speculation here. But someone once said that the $uicideboy$ are addicted to money. Something like “They quit the drugs now they’re addicted to the bread” or something of that sort. But I don’t think that’s the case. Not to hand out an armchair diagnosis from my cellphone screen or psychoanalyze this dude’s brain, I believe, at least for Scrim, that the urge to constantly hustle like he says in his lyrics isn’t just him being addicted to getting paper. On runaway he says basically “Oh, my family wishes I was around, but I gotta get to the paper. Without me, who else is gonna keep y’all fed?” and I wouldn’t consider that mentality being addicted to money, I think that’s fear. And realistically, from the outside looking in at least, you’re not gonna go fucking broke if you stop working dude. It seems to us at least that they have more than enough to go around, but sometimes that poverty mindset can be hard to escape. Scrim says on drag em to the river “Still hoarding most of my money, can’t shake feeling broke.” as well. When you get to a point in life where things are good, a lot of people worry that things might get bad again. An example I can think of is Logic after 1-800. He described feeling fear that he would lose all of his money. I also remember hearing stories about someone, I believe Eminem asking his accountant if he could afford to buy a hat. Sometimes when you come from nothing and you get something, the fear of losing it all can be overwhelming and might cause someone to hoard money or hustle every day like they’re still broke. But that’s just what I’m thinking.

When I said this, someone disputed it by saying Scrim bought a million dollar chain. And I can’t argue against that not gonna lie, these are just my thoughts, but on runaway he says “My bitch pussy worth a range truck. We came from nothing, can you blame us?” and in some cases some people come from nothing, get something, and then blow it all buying all the things they’ve always wanted but never could afford. Money affects people differently. Just my take.

Coming through and editing after seeing that Scrim live, and he quite literally says this out of his own mouth. “And I live with this constant fear that if I don’t continue to make music and produce and do all this, then I won’t be able to take care of them. I’m going to run out of money”. I thought that I was just speculating at first until I refreshed my memory.

VII. Mortality

This album talks a fair amount about death and the fear of mortality. It is very, very different from how he used to be. Scrim mentions in that pre-runaway livestream how he used to pray to go to sleep and not wake up, and his older music reflects that heavily. There are probably hundreds of bars of this dude talking about how much he wants to die or kill himself. But now, he says shit like “Life done got too good to die”, and it’s very beautiful. Seems like he doesn’t fucking hate his life anymore. In fact, he doesn’t hate his life so much that he wants to live, and is seemingly afraid to die. “Wasted half my life, now I’m up counting my nights”, “Wake up paranoid, would it be my last day?”. Such and such. Same dude that used to pray he wouldn’t wake up in the morning is now fearing his time could be done at any moment. While he still raps about suicidal ideation, I think dude has taken the approach of seeing every day as a blessing, even if it’s a struggle. Everyone has bad days but as long as we’re here, breathing, walking, talking, with eyes to see, ears to listen, and arms to embrace the ones we love, then maybe we aren’t doing so bad. Even if it’s a struggle, every day is a new chance. And it ain’t something you can take for granted cause you could be gone tomorrow. Ain’t no chances after that.

“I love my life so much now that I don’t want to die, dude.”

VIII. “God sized hole I’m seen through”

This section is closely related to the second, but this is where I will discuss the Via Crucis album art and how I believe it is related to runaway.

In the Via Crucis album cover, Scrim is depicted shirtless with a big ass chain on, but most notably he is wearing a crown of thorns. That imagery obviously connects to Jesus and his crown of thorns. When this album cover was revealed, a lot of people called it blasphemous. That I cannot say for I am not religious, but in my opinion I found it to be extremely symbolic. One line that reveals this is the lyric used in the title of this section, “God sized hole I’m seen through”.

One line that really sticks out to me is “I am not your savior.”. I truthfully do not even remember what song this was on, only this line. My first time listening to runaway, this line really jumped out at me. “I am not your Savior.”. This phrasing here reminds me of Kendrick Lamar and what his crown of thorns also symbolized. Kendrick has spoke out about the savior complex he has, and not to be an armchair psychologist but I believe it might be a similar idea with Scrim.

On runaway, and a few times in Via Crucis, Scrim mentions “carrying his cross”. “Picking up my cross on the way of sorrows”, “Picking up my cross, like how the fuck was Jesus moving this?”, which to me represents all the pressure, weight, and responsibilities he carries. Carrying everybody on his back, juggling his work and personal life and doing it with a smile on his face. Shit’s wild for real.

Another line that sticks out to me is a line from #lonelycore, “I hide what’s inside, they worship disguise”. The word worship is what sticks out to me. They worship the mask Scrim wears. They worship the person that they believe Scrim to be. And it is true. People DO worship this guy. Shit’s wild for real.

Some people say that Scrim is trying to look like Jesus which I think is incorrect. I think he’s a white man with long brown hair and a beard, and people will say that anyone with those characteristics looks like Jesus.

But I also must note that the whole “Jesus aesthetic” isn’t new at all. This nigga (Scrim) had been referring to himself as Jesus or “Yung Christ” for like 10 years. “Trailer park shawty but them white folks think I’m Jesus”, “Bitch I’m Jesus out the freezer”, “Ask in your city, they’ll tell you I’m Jesus”, “Fuck your God, I’m your God”, “You think you’re the one but I’m the one they call Jesus”, and many such lines, but the energy behind it felt different. I can’t tell you what 2015 Scrim had going on in his head, but when he would refer to himself as Jesus back then it almost sounded like he was saying “Yeah, I’m him.”. But now, it feels much different. Scrim no longer refers to himself as Jesus, but he mention how people view him in very high regard, how people rely on him or even worship him and he doesn’t seem to be a fan. He says on multiple different occasions things along the lines of “I don’t want people to think I’m better than them” and such and such. Nowadays, he says things such as “Had to tell ‘em that I’m not no savior ‘cause they treating me like a God now”, “God sized hole I’m seen through”, “I am not your savior” and other messages to a similar effect.

IX. Conclusion

To conclude whatever-the-fuck it is I just wrote, I’m going to say that runaway (as well as Via Crucis, and yes I’m capitalizing Via Crucis and not runaway) is a great album that allows you to get a pretty clear look into the artist’s head and develop an understanding of what they were going through at the time of creating it. Runaway does a good fucking job at having a mixture of hard songs and insightful ones. Overall I am very pleased with this project, and I apologize if this whole thing was a bit of a nothing burger. Thanks for giving me 10 minutes.

One last message, Fade Away was a banger song and it should’ve been on Via Crucis. The fact that it wasn’t hurts my soul. Definitely my most wanted unreleased Scrim song, I’ve been itching for that. But regardless, thank you all for reading. Hope I didn’t talk your dick off.

I need it for a project I'm doing

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