Done with humans.
Idk what tag to use here I just know I am ranting and will probably say something Content Warning worthy. NSFW could also do. I don't need responses, I just need to rant and have it out in the universe.
How do I completely stop caring about others or what they do. How do I stop giving a shit about how others treat me.
I spent literally months planning a hike with a bunch of friends. Myself and another person spent a few hundred gathering supplies so nobody would be required to mount a paywall to be able to go. Right up until five minutes before I was to meet up with one of them, everyone was saying they'd be going and we're excited. Then five fucking minutes before meet up time three fuckers cancelled. One gave us the excuse of "to see about a girl". The other two didn't have an excuse. Just "can't make it 😱".
The one guy who also spent money and I did end up meeting up, but we didn't end up going for the hike because we were all supposed to do it later in the afternoon and into the night and we figured two people weren't safe. We met up with another friend briefly at a bar and fucking spotted the "can't make it" guys doing karaoke. We decided to call the "see about a girl" asshole just to make sure everything was good with the girl - we play D&D with him and have done other events in town with him. He has actively stated he wouldn't flake last second because that isn't the kind of person he is. We figured if everyone else cancelled, he wouldn't. Yeah turns out he went to a party and brought a LOT of alcohol. Like a premeditated amount of alcohol. Dude was so drunk he literally told on himself by listing off everything he brought to the party and stated he got a number of the bottles the previous days.
Like I fucking get it. You didn't want to go on a hike with friends and wanted to drink instead. Just fucking tell us that instead of leading us on for MONTHS and having us waste our fucking money and time on you.
The fucking asshole who flaked to see about a girl also had the audacity to ask if we were still going to get breakfast the morning after the hike like we planned. Like holy fucking shit you don't get to blatantly treat our time, money, and effort like it's worthless and still get to hang out with us. You don't get to abandon us at the part of the plans you so want to do and only do the parts you do want to do. IF YOU DIDN'T WANT TO DO SOMETHING JUST FUCKING TELL US.
When I messaged him, telling him how absolutely fucking shitty he was he apologized and ended the message by saying "I did actually go see the girl" LIKE I GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THAT. I WOULDN'T CARE IF SHE KILLED YOU AFTER YOU ABANDONED US
Furthermore. A separate friend group. Someone who claims to be my best friend. Literally have known the guy for eight, closer to nine years at this point. He is quite literally one of only two people I interact with on a daily basis - the other being my partner.
It is becoming ever clear to me that he doesn't enjoy spending his time with me or interacting with me as he claims to.
Another friend and I both run D&D games in a single world, and my "best friend" has only participated in games I wasn't present. He has actively cancelled participation when he found out I was going to participate.
"Best friend" lives roughly 40 minutes drive away from me. Has for the last four years. He has more or less refused to drive to mine to hang out. He has, however, driven to another friend's house who lives a block away from me to hang out with him. That other friend who DM's recently moved into the same small town as me (less than 20 minutes walk from mine) and my "best friend"? Literally started excitedly messaging him about how they can now do in-person D&D games and do MTG nights and shit somewhat frequently.
"Best friend" and I used to play games together all the time. A few times I saw a new game coming out that I thought we'd enjoy together and he would refuse to spend money buying it. A week later another friend asked him and he bought it without a second thought. This has happened A LOT. Fuck, he even agreed that JK Rowling was the scum of the earth and that it is morally corrupt to spend money on her things. Any money going to her directly causes harm to trans people. I'm trans. A friend of his wanted to play it with him or something and he fucking bought that shitty ass wizard game. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK.
He is now starting a new job at the same workplace as me, which is in the town I live in. I was thinking about running a D&D campaign at mine. He said he isn't interested in playing. I can almost fucking guarantee you if the other DM was running a campaign (that I wasn't playing in) that he'd be super hyped to play.
I'm so fucking done with people. I feel like I need a fucking lobotomy so I can deal with people without becoming hurt. I try not to take things like this personally but when it is a long, extended pattern of repeated behaviour I cannot help but feel like my brain is on fire. It doesn't help that my brain feels like it shoots itself at any perceived rejection. FUCK.