Was just activated as health care proxy for my dad on Monday and I really am unsure how to go from here. What can I do or not do? PCP didn't explain
My dad (84) who has tried to live very independently until almost a month ago when we had an urgent care visit, was told on Monday by his PCP that I was going to be activated as his health care proxy since he had stopped taking his meds for 3 months up until that initial urgent care visit. I was shocked - dad seemed sharp, but the PCP has a background in geriatrics. Even though he'd started taking his meds again, she felt it was time, I guess.
Some stuff is in the works now - the PCP set us up with advance directive, VSO for a disability claim, home care aide, in-home primary care, and a VNA. I have the (amazing) support of his siblings, but they're also in their 80s. I'm an only child, and have now become his only transportation (unless the VA disability changes that, but I know that takes a while...). He also has Medicare, but I really don't know what access to information I have as activated proxy. I am not POA.
Things went from independent living to being on the phone and at his house so often my head is spinning. He had a massive hoarding situation (pests included) we discovered at the initial urgent care visit that finally got under control on Monday in preparation for care. He still seems to be able to handle his finances *okay* for now but he doesn't do anything online and having to drive him around to pay bills just feels... unnecessary?
I want to involve my dad as much as possible in his decisions, but he can be paranoid around strangers, and doesn't take certain medications he's prescribed because he's suspicious of them (the latter which was news to me). We're still going to get in-home care, but I think about his hoarding - we didn't throw out anything that wasn't trash, and even if I KNOW he won't use a lot of the stuff he owns, it feels unethical to get rid of it now - but I'm not looking forward to the day I'd have to clear out his apartment if things tank. Plus I want him to be able to find his things and move around - his mobility is already not great and if his cognitive level declines I'd love to create consistency with his possessions.
TLDR; what can I ethically do about his living situation as health care proxy, and where do I really even go from here? His PCP didn't really explain anything to me, and I searched the sub and didn't find much in regard to our situation (forgive me if it's out there). Thank you!