My vipassana and how it changed me
I finished my vipassana 4 days ago and wanted to share how I got on and where my mind is at. For context, I'm a dude in my 30s that never mediated before going. I've worked in hospitality for 15 years and have always smoked weed, drank and done many, many drugs. I am very ADHD and have always struggled to sit still.
I had huge troubles whilst on the course with lack of human interaction and on day 4 I broke down, and I very nearly left. I was lucky I did it at the centre in New Zealand where the food was incredible, the vibes were strong, and the center and surrounding areas were beautiful. (It even had walking tracks through the forest to a waterfall with so many beautiful birds) Also lucky I had a private room. I spoke to the manager and the teacher and they put my mind at ease about my worries.
After learning the true way to meditate through vipassana and the observation of sensations, I finally unlocked the ability to sit at hours at a time, not moving a muscle, and focusing all my attention and energy inside. I no longer needed to seek stimulation from the outside world, I could just go hunting around my body using my mind, finding tender spots, sitting with the pain, and making it dissolve with time, with the help of all the guided mediation. It was tough, but I was hooked on it.
I was uncovering pains from my childhood.... The exact spot in my head I used to get migraines as a kid and feeling the weird sensations in the bones I have broken throughout my life. Absolutely insane stuff.
By day 9 I couldn't wait for it to end. So restless. With the feeling that I had "got it" I just wanted out, so I could spread the word of this incredible gift that I was lucky enough to learn. Thankfully they give you a day at the end to speak with people on the course and share views, I found it super helpful in getting me "back to reality"
Since then I was just wanted to spread positivity. I've found such joy in every little chat I've had. Throughout my time inside I told myself that I would create a YouTube channel to try and promote this, and I have. It's called BetterWithMetta for anyone that cares. :)
I am so glad that I made it through and I've had such a positive experience, but after a little research online it sounds like that's not the case for everyone. Everyone's experience is different, but I just wanted to share mine, hopefully it's helpful to someone.
With Metta
TLDR: It was hard but now I feel great. ❤️