Would anyone be willing to give me feedback for my Personal Essay for college admissions.
I couldn't trust to share it with anyone I know, but I really do need critique.
Please help.
Personal Essay, short draft:
I switched T-shirts with a complete stranger while waiting in an ice cream line. A year earlier, I could barely start a conversation with someone I did not know. That change started with the greatest coincidence of my high school years. During an open period in my junior year, I was walking toward my teacher's desk when three students I barely knew called me over. They were trying to find a random person in the hallway to become friends with, and I happened to be that person.
Before junior year, I was very quiet and insecure about my looks and especially my accent. English is not my first language, and after moving to the United States, I often felt like I did not belong. During sophomore year, I took English 2 Honors. Just knowing it was an Honors class made me feel like everyone else belonged there more than me. Presentations were a huge fear, and avoided talking to classmates whenever I could. Most of my communication was online. Even simple group work could become awkward because was too nervous to speak. I also did not have very good study habits. I liked math, physics, and science, and always wanted to take harder classes, but I did not spend much time studying. If I got a Bor C without much effort, I thought that was good enough.
After those three students invited me to their table, we started spending more time together. Later, they told me they had noticed me in previous years and had wanted to talk to me before. That surprised me. For years, I thought people were judging my accent, looks, or knowledge. I started to realize that most of that judgment was only in my head. My friends were also much better at studying than I was. They did homework, studied for tests, and spent time working outside class. I wanted to catch up to them, so I started doing the same. We met after school to study and finish assignments.
The change started showing in my grades. My weighted GPA went from about 3.91 in the first semester of junior year to 4.42 in the second semester. More importantly, I stopped being afraid of harder classes and started challenging myself more. One of my friends helped me find a job, which taught me how to balance work and school. My friend Jax also helped bring back my interest in art. I returned to art during junior year, took Drawing and Painting II, and worked toward taking AP Drawing Portfolio my senior year.
The biggest change was social. I became much more open with people. One night downtown, I ended up talking to three random people on the street and getting them to join our group. The person I was in sophomore year would probably not believe I could do that. I still get nervous sometimes, but 1 now look at fear differently. I learned that when I understand exactly what I am afraid of, it usually feels much smaller. A lot of my fears were just situations I created in my head before anything even happened.
Now, when I have a goal, I try not to focus on everything that could go wrong. I focus on what I can do next.