Domestic violence with husband
Please be kind.
I (27F) have been with my husband (40m) for 5 years now. Over the course of our relationship, we’ve gotten into about a handful of physical altercations, today being one of them. I think this is where a lot of people will stop and be like what the heck are you doing still in the relationship, and that’s valid, but my response to that is we’ve always worked it out thinking that it wouldn’t happen again.
Anyway, we hadn’t been getting along for a few days and I’ve been giving him space which is what we talked about in our couples counseling. We were talking about what has been going on and it honestly felt like a snowball, the issue just kept getting bigger and bigger, we started calling each other names, and we finally landed on finances. I don’t really know how much detail I should go into about it, but a previous argument got brought up and we both had different accounts of it. I started to cry, he was mocking me (which is a trigger of mine) and I started to throw things at him. I threw a can of cashews, a plastic water bottle, and a baby bottle. We were both sitting on the couch, and got on top of me and he pinned me down, was grabbing my neck and my shoulder, he was yelling in my face, and I don’t remember what else because I was focused on getting out and getting to our toddler. I got out and went to him. There’s finger prints on my neck from his hands.
Now I just want to say, I know I instigated the altercation by throwing the items at him and that is a form of domestic abuse. My husband and I both have never had instances of violence in our previous relationships and so for me, it’s just coming down to that we bring out the worst in each other and need separate. Having witnessed my parents DV, I never thought I would be in this position. I hate that it happened this way, but it’s like a light a went off. I’m not in a good position financially to hire a divorce lawyer. Has anyone been in a similar situation and what did you do/result? Since there is a history of violence on both ends, I am nervous about the divorce/child custody process and repercussions.