u/_okwhynot_

"my dog barks wildly, to protect my infancy, from my ex believer. And I try to calm the wolf, to remind her I am both, still she tears at my sweater. Not a lot, just forever"

As an ex muslim struggling with faith and the absence of it, this hits so hard. I try to protect myself, the child me, who got hurt by religion. But I am both, I am a believer and I am not, and attacking the ex believer hurts too.

But it's not a lot, just forever.

we're leaving for summer break tonight. i miss him deeply and i am not okay at all. this break will mean its actually over forever. how can i get over my first love, my only love, the person i imagined a wedding and a life with, the person who made me feel safe. how can i go on with my life pretending he didn't give up on me. how can i go on and forget all the memories. how can i let go of the need to touch his hair and hold him close. how can i not miss his perfume, his skin, his voice and his laugh, his silly eye roll. how can i see something he likes and not think of him. how can i live? genuinely.