A year and a bit since my last post and tbh nothing much has changed.
My last post should be visible on my account not sure if it will add much context or anything to this but it’s there if you want to look.
not totally sure what to flair the post so i’ve just picked venting sorry if that’s not what this is.
I’m 22 now in the uk and have made a tiny bit of progress but i just don’t feel like it’s much and it hasn’t helped me with getting a education or job and i just seem pretty stuck.
the progress: i still can’t talk to random people if i’m with someone i know like friends, family or even just people that i knew but on my own i’m now able to:
speak to staff in shops.
i can get the bus.
i can talk to strangers in public.
i don’t do any of those confidently and i don’t go out my way to create conversations, i’m still really awkward and shy.
now i feel like i’ve hit a ceiling with everything because it’s so hard talking in front of people i know that it’s holding me back from doing anything like applying for college, getting a job, getting a girlfriend, having a social life and doing anything. i spent a ton of time thinking and daydreaming about how i could be and what i want life to be like, i’m not happy usually just numb/empty and i’ll get a big wave of sadness, loneliness and get the feeling in my chest that’s hard to describe but it’s not anxiety it maybe closer to yearning i think. i’m considering trying to move away and attempting to just get on with it but i’m not really sure how to go about doing that and i’m worried if i do move away i just stay stuck in my shell not talking but now my far away from anyone i know that can help.
i know what has to been done and i know i’m the only one that can do anything about it but it’s just hard so for right now i’ve a hit a stump, it’s not all doom and gloom though as hard as it is to hope i know there is a chance for me and i’m not completely hopeless.
honestly not sure why i bother writing this but yeah guess i’ll update again if anything changes.
Edit: i just noticed my account was on hide all so i’ve switched it and it should be visible now :) it turns out i didn’t make the post i thought it did but i did write stuff in the comments that might add more context to my situation or i think i did at least. anyway it’s now there if you are interested.