i just got out of an illicit affair ~
Title says it all, I just recently got out of a 2-year illicit affair with a married man. At hindi ko alam pano ako magsimulang maglet go sa pain, regrets, guilt and shame. And before the affair, galing naman ko sa 4-year na abusive relationship with my ex.
I've been wanting to see a therapist long before I met these two. Pero wala pa akong enough funds before and my family isn't really open to this kind of conversations. I started having suicidal thoughts in 2019 and since then hindi na siya nawala. I've always feel like I have severe anxiety, depression, bipolar and some other mental disorders but these are all self-diagnosed.
Hindi ko na talaga kilala sarili ko. And I know and sure now that part of these personal issues and dilemmas I have is because of my childhood, my relationship to my parents, traumas and other shits growing up because I can see the patterns already. I'm not looking for something or someone to blame pero gusto ko lang maintindihan lahat.
Gusto kong maintindihan bakit ako ganito. Gusto kong makilala sarili ko at mabigyan ng pangalan yung mga nararamdaman ko.
So where do I start? If you guys can recommend anong therapist ba ako dapat lalapit, idk if may specialization sila. If may specific na kayong clinic or therapist na pinupuntahan who really cares about the patient and ramdam na safe space talaga, preferably face to face sana. Idk if pwede pero how much kaya ung usual na rates for this kind of therapy.
Thank you in advance!