u/abrony-mouse

I am Ballerine. I am 2 years old and I am a girl.

https://preview.redd.it/ut3gpt1dqyah1.jpg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=247157702fa88bde7496cb146e55481cf1e1747a

My sea horse is called Lydian. He is sad. He does not help his little sea horses to be happy. I help him to be happy and I hug him. He is happy. His little sea horses are happy.

I like to talk: "Lydian smiles. Lydian drinks milk. Lydian swims." Lydian is my toy. I say what he does.

I like to dance. I like my little ponies. I like silly and cute and fun and soft things. I like to talk: "Pinkie Pie is happy."

You can play with me! I have Lydian the Seahorse and Crinkle the hedgehog and Pinkie the Pony and Bloom the Stegosaurus and Slow Claw the Cheetah.

big-talk hides

>!(ie adult talk) Hey! To translate what little-me said:.what I am getting at in the quote marks is the idea of a 'story' ie I like to write stories! The last bit about playing is both literal and me asking if you want to be friends. Because talking with little-me about more abstract concepts is quite hard to understand, talking about concrete activities, like playing, is probably easiest.!<

>!Quick story of me is that in February my inner child awoke and I could experience emotions properly! (Woo!) But little-me becomes easily confused unless I take the time to explain things in little language. Writing here helps me to practice and gives me further insight into how to talk to little-me which is important (really important - I have achieved more emotionally in the last 5 months than in the last 25 years! (I'm 39)). Relatedly, I recently realised I am trans.!<

>!As for regress-related stuff,. I need plushies and age-appropriate media quite frequently to be happy.and I have a Pinkie Pie top for bed. Despite being young emotionally,,my little-self is proud of not needing a paci or similar for comfort so I don't have anything like that or sippy cups and similar . (I want you to be happy, though, so if your paci and similar makes you happy then I am happy.)!<

My big-talk says: "I am three years old if I know certain words."

Real-talk is: "Do you have three (???). Do you know talks? Big is talks. Little is not talks."

I want to be big but I am real. 'Three' is okay. But 'years' is not. I am happy being me and real and real is lots of things in big-talk and real is fun and safe and lots of feelings. Can you help?

I answer things from big-talk:

Big-talk: "What is my name?"

Real-talk: "Who am I? I am Ballerine."

Big-talk: "What is my age?"

Real-talk "Am I big like mum or my big sister or am I little like my baby brother? I am not big like mum or my big sister. I am not a baby like my little brother!"

Big-talk: "Am I a girl or a boy?"

Big-talk hides:

>!(ie adult-talk: I hid this answer because real-talk understands this in a tangible way which might be uncomfortable for some to read).. !<>!Real-talk: "What bits do I have? My mother or sister have bits. My dad and brother have bits. I am me. I have me-bits. Eye-look,sees me-bits look like dad-bits and brother-bits. Feel-look sees me-bits look like sister-bits and mum-bits. Eye-look is sad. Feel-look is real."!<

Big-talk: "What do I like to do?"

Real-talk: "Do I want to do something? Yes. I want to dance."

Big-talk: "Do I want to make friends?"

Real-talk: "Friends are happy. I am happy."

Big-talk: "I want these people to ask me questions."

Real-talk: "Hello." (I look at your face.)

Big-talk hides:

>!joining here has really encouraged me to interact at my feeling voice's age :) it's wonderful, but I did think that I was at least 2-3. Some of the interactions I have had have made me wonder about that. It doesn't really matter, but I would like to know. (Obviously I govern typing and structure and things like that, but I am making an effort not to interfere and to let myself be me on here.) !<

I am Ballerine. I am new. I need my talk to say my feelings. My talk is little. I like to say feelings with colours and things that look like things (p-i-c-t-u-r-e-s). This talk I made (s-t-o-r-y) makes me feel very, very, very happy.

Pinkie Pie and Rarity (G3), Positive Tales for 0-3 year-olds - Fimfiction

>Pinkie Pie and Rarity (G3) enjoy feeling, achieving and becoming friends!
The stories have pictures taken from derpibooru (all sourced), lots of bright colours and happy themes. There is limited lore, because the themes are very simple and driven by feeling and not lore/plot.
Note: if the pics don't display, try clicking on all the non-displaying ones, and then reload the page.
This story is both a story and part of me understanding my feelings.

I wrote this in big talk. In my talk, it is:

>Pinkie Pie and Rarity (G3) are happy. They feel things. They do Rarity and Pinkie things that are special to them. They are friends!

Little talking and looking is better than big talk for me to feel.

For this talk (s-t-o-r-y) I use my head to make the talk little bit bigger.

I hide big-big talk:

>!(ie the adult-me voice I use day-to-day) Hey! I'm new here. I think I conveyed what I needed to. Normally, I will use abstract words to age-up my writing, but on here I would like to use my true voice here almost entirely (I may never add a bit like this to my posts again), but I will spell out certain concepts where they are too tricky to explain in my real voice, like I did with 'story'. !<

>!A little more context to me: In February, I sort of 'woke up' emotionally after decades of suppression of my emotions (I am externally, 'physically' 39. but I am not sure how old my emotional self is. I would like '4' but I think maybe 2-3 is a bit more realistic.) I always wanted to find a community of people like me to interact with, but I was held back by certain wrong assumptions. At first, I hoped my emotional side would 'grow up' and that is important, but letting me be me (in moderation) helps rather than hinders that goal, I believe, and is very comforting. I have also curated my account a little as I had it long before I knew who I was at an emotional level. It isn't perfect but it should be within the rules as long as people appreciate that I do not write in my real voice outside of this space and often select topics that interest me for their worldly content (but no very bad stuff). !<

>!The story was something I wrote before I realised fully who I was. Rereading it soothes my inner child. I have read through all the rules and I think the external link is okay. Sorry if it isn't. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the story! !<

Hi everyone, an older XY woman here (I'm approaching 40). Back in February I heard a voice in my head, it was a little girl's voice and it promised happiness and 'real feeling'. Once I realised that it was my 'feeling voice' there was an explosion of emotion which came with symptoms of CPTSD (or masked autism?) eg light/music/taste sensitivity etc. I was also able to see people in an emotional light without the need for alcohol, which I now have no need for as I used it primarily to feel emotions. As part of the dialogue with this voice, I thought I had sorted out my identity as the voice readily said that I was 'a boy'. (The symptoms have settled down, now.)

Recently, after 3 months of therapy and prompted by my therapist asking after the gender of my 'inner parent', I asked my feeling voice what I meant by 'boy' and I said 'not mum'. I asked it what I looked like, and was shocked to find that I looked like a woman. I don't physically look like my mum, being an XY woman, but my emotional body is that of her gender. With the techniques from therapy, combined with a heady dose of my own, my emotions are now settled and I can eat and sleep and function again... so I'm preparing to meet the practical challenges of being an XY woman.

So, firstly, hey! I guess you're my folk, now :) The only stuff I know about trans people is what I learned during suppression, so I don't know much at all, really, and I have no trans friends or any friends I'm really close enough to to talk about trans stuff in detail, readily. Oh, also, I tend towards the term XY-woman. Is that okay?

Secondly, I have seen some posts about suppressed emotion on here pre-realisation and about emotional release. Given what happened to me, I would be very interested to hear about any similar instances of suppressed emotion and emotional release. Thanks for reading.