u/acidemise

Started with 60g water and 60g organic whole wheat flour.
I had a false rise around day 3
Then nothing, was feeding daily, started off doing 1:1:1 with organic bread flour for like 10 days then switched to half bread flour and half whole wheat.
Still nothing happened.
So I kind of gave up and didn’t feed for 3 days and just fed 1:1:1 with organic whole wheat flour.

A few bubbles will develop on top, maybe 5-7 but that’s all that happens.

Keeping it around 75° according to this thermometer thing I have for house temperatures.

What am I doing wrong?

Should I buy a seedling mat to keep it warm?

Should I try distilled water?

What does your ideal relationship look like now vs what it looked like as an unhealed anxious? How different are your needs and expectations? How does your communication style and self soothing differ?

What exactly does it mean to emotionally manage your partner?

Trying to reduce your needs and communication to make them come back from deactivation?

Or basically self abandoning to have your needs met?

I realized recently that I’m not nearly as healed as I believed I was. I guess because this is the first serious relationship I’ve been in a long time. My last serious relationship ended due to attachment issues and I’ve done so much work on myself regarding my anxiety and learned so much because I know that if I ever want a healthy and stable relationship I need to heal this part of me.

My current partner and I discussed our attachment styles and talked about how we want to break old patterns in this relationship.

Recently I’ve realized that I’m not nearly as healed as I thought I was, I react when I’m triggered, I ask for too much reassurance and rely on them too much to soothe me. I also communicate very poorly when I’m triggered.

This caused some issues and my partner told me the amount of reassurance I need is draining and I’ve noticed the way I communicate when I’m triggered is really unhealthy and just causes more issues.

I’ve decided to seriously dedicate time and energy to heal myself and work on these issues not only for myself but for this relationship as well. This is the best relationship I’ve ever been in, I’ve never been treated better, never had someone who matched my affectionate energy so much, or talked to me about a future together in such depth and this isn’t something I want to lose.

My partner and I agreed to talk tomorrow in person about understanding each other better, which was my idea, after I reacted to something while triggered and they got really frustrated.

I am planning on telling them that I am for the first time ever aware of my unhealthy behavior and see how it’s affecting our relationship and that I want to prioritize working on myself and my communication skills and that I’m sorry that my anxiety has caused so many ruptures in such a short amount of time. I want to take accountability and let them know I’m aware of it and serious about change and having a strong and healthy relationship. I want them to know that I care about their emotional safety as well and I want us both to be able to understand each other and communicate effectively during conflict.

I’m just not sure what’s right and wrong to say or if this conversation is needed at all. I know the best thing to do is just consistently better myself and work on myself and that’s the only way real change will happen.

I’m not sure if this is unhealthy or not or appropriate to communicate to a partner

My partner and I have been together for 6 months, recently there has been a major shift in their texting habits, I know this is probably unhealthy but they text me “I love you” every single morning and before we were saying I love you they’d send me a heart every morning same time without fail, tell me they love me before going to work, and always say “im going to bed I love you” they also used to call me this one pet name every single day multiple times a day and they haven’t said it in 5 days which is so so unusual. There has definitely been a shift and it’s been sending me into a spiral.

They just started a new job and they have a lot of major life stuff going on, but still even in all that they would still be very consistent with those things and suddenly it just changed. Everything was fine over the weekend last week, they called me that pet name, we cuddled a lot, but then the next day after I left things were different.

I saw them in person yesterday and they kissed me when they saw me, put their arm around me when we were sitting and then kept pulling me in for hugs when we were standing outside. They said they loved me before they left.

But things still feel super weird over text. When I’m off over text they always ask what’s up. They say why do you feel like a million miles away, why are you being so weird. So I feel like it’s not weird for me to bring that up but I’m not sure.

I’ve just been really struggling. In the past I’ve brought up issues in a really unhealthy way and put them on the defense and made them feel attacked. I don’t want to do that anymore.

So how do I cope with this shift and how do I eventually bring it up in a healthy way and when?

I was reading that secure people notice shifts too they just bring it up and deal with it differently

I’ve been with my avoidant partner for six months and the past 2 weeks have been really rough. I’m not good at communicating and I kind of unloaded on them some stuff I’ve been holding in and it caused a big rupture. Since then I’ve been on edge, I apologized to them and took accountability for how I communicated poorly. Anyway, I’ve been on edge since, extra monitoring, looking for signs they don’t feel the same, etc.

A few weeks ago they told me the amount of reassurance I need is annoying so I’ve been trying to deal with this anxiety on my own. They started a new job and have been less affectionate and I noticed they didn’t touch me the entire time we were in the car the other night which is unusual. They also left earlier than usual and that made me spiral.

I tried self soothing, I tried going for walks and cooking and doing stuff for myself but it sat in the back of my head the entire time. I tried being less emotionally dependent on them for a day and tried giving them space (without them asking) and I just spiraled completely, I never told them how I was feeling in fear they’d get annoyed. I was really trying to be healthy and deal with it on my own. I was reminding myself that we just spent 5 days together, they meet my bids for connection, that they do love me and it’s probably just because of their new job.

When I was trying to give them space they ask why I’m being off and why I feel a million miles away. I told them I was trying to give you space and they didn’t really respond much.

I’ve never been self aware of my spirals before, I’ve never been aware of my unhealthy habits before, now I am and I’m trying to work on them but it’s so hard. I feel like if I had been able to say “hey I feel a shift, is everything okay?” Or even “im feeling disconnected, can you give me some extra love?” They usually respond positively when I ask for extra love. I wish we could have talked about it a little before I spiraled for two days I wouldn’t have caused another issue.

The issue being them getting big news and telling me late at night. And me immediately being like why didn’t you tell me sooner, really weird you didn’t tell me sooner. They got mad and told me it was a turn off and annoying. I felt like feeling their distance and them waiting to tell me for a little bit was confirming my fear that they were shutting me out.

I felt so much shame and I’ve still been in this spiral of course.

Is it valid for me to want to be able to talk about my anxiety with my partner? or is this something I need to just deal with on my own? I really think if I had talked to them a bit and got some reassurance I wouldn’t have nearly as bad.

Edit: the things that threw me off were the fact they barley touched me and left early that one day, didn’t tell me they loved me before work, they usually say it every single day, and they didn’t text me back for 5 hours which they’ve never done before.