21 [F4A] pathetic loser 4 pathetic loser
hi! hi hello! i'm a neet/hiki who is so lonely and lethargic and believes that having somebody else around will save me ^q^
sorry "save" puts all the work on you. i'll save? you? if you need that. if i can do that. i'll try :3
but like haha i am doing very badly though. i'm looking for somebody to help me, somewhat. this is so cringe but i'm only motivated when i'm around someone. i feel like i only do things when there's somebody invested in me. i have a desire to be better, to engage with the world and improve, but i only act on it when i feel it's necessary. i can only lock in out of embarrassment. locking in only to impress the huzz rather then a genuine sense of, autonomy, i guess. i'm not articulating this the greatest
its some ingrained learned helplessness instinct. for which the only cure is death, probably. i do want a friend, by the way! that sentiment got a little lost in the sauce but hi yes i do want an actual friendship
also i don't intend to overcome my neethood. i kind of just want to get into reading and watching shows (please let me put you on iwtv) again, and i need a friendship to justify that. for some reason. i'll actually learn to draw so you don't think me lame. rewrite my ocs better. finally learn the overwatch 2 guardian angel tech so i can be a competent mercy pocket for you (moicy...)
i really want to see your ocs, your drawings, your backlog. i'm reserved about these about these things so like, this doesn't have to happen right away. but eventually, hopefully, though.
i want to do anything at all. i'm so. rotted out and boring, but i do want to be interesting and smart and ideally become that with somebody else. this could be a steel sharpens steel dynamic if you're also awful and bad at everything. we can peer pressure eachother into learning anatomy‼️
chuunibyou ass thing to say sorry but i don't feel like an actual human. for obvious neurodivergent reasons but generally i'm really intimated by other people. others seem comfortable in a way i've never been/think i'll never be. i don't know how to connect deeply with the people i do talk to. i guess it's from lack of experience? anyways, if you're also like that i figure we could
a) fumble and brute force our way into a genuine and secure bond, whatever that looks actually looks like
b) suffer in a shallow friendship, but mutually this time
c) fake it till we make it? fake dating (but friendship) ao3 tag
i mostly want somebody just like me fr (holy narcissism). like, another lame undersocialized freak who wants to do things together often. all the time. i get really excited when people ask me to do things! please! do that! i'll do my part! um!
beggers probably shouldn't be choosers but i do have some requirements
-i'm no longer the spry teenager i once was.... i cannot stay up for 10 hour differences.... you need a timezone compatible with cst
-if you have friends i can't talk to you. i don't want to, i suppose. both ways of phrasing it are so petulant oh my god. less in a possessive way and more in a "i feel fundamentally incompatible with people who are able to do that" way. in a weird jealous emo way :P
-responding to posts is always weird i think. sorry if i'm weird when i reply to you. uhm, tell me if we have shared interests, what do you want to do together? if you want a response regardless of whether i think we could be friends, lemme know
-happy pride month
-not the correct place to mention this but this is my main account. if you saw my other cringe stupid stupid idiot posts you literally didn't
-again i'm very scared of interacting with people so maybe we could ease into this by playing a game. obviously we get to know eachother through text, but could you tell me something we might coop on? i've most platforms :3
that's it i think? bye. bye goodbye