Just venting
I always assumed I would have the option and choice to have kids one day. But after being diagnosed with stage 4 cervical cancer, that option was taken away.
My husband has been incredibly supportive. He tells me he’s okay with it and that he never really wanted kids anyway. I believe him, but I still can’t shake that feeling of guilt. I feel like I failed him somehow or that I’m not able to give him something he deserves. I also have a deep sense of shame because of the type of cancer that I was diagnosed with.
Lately, it’s become even harder as I watch my friends start their families. It feels like everywhere I look there are pregnancy announcements, baby showers, and photos of their kids growing up. I’m genuinely happy for them, but at the same time it reminds me of what I lost before I ever had the chance. It’s a strange mix of joy for them and grief for myself.
For those of you who’ve gone through something similar (whether because of cancer or infertility)… how did you cope with these feelings? Does the guilt ever get easier to carry?