u/aiwttwetsascds

I’m having a lot of feelings about this so I wrote it all out, deleted, and rewrote it. Unfortunately some irrelevant details still remain. Apologies.

This woman was an active anti-Mormon. She preached against the church teachings and leadership to anyone who would listen. My mom was her only Mormon friend.

When it looked like this friends health was taking a turn for the worse (which it did a couple of times over her last 10 years of life), she made my mom PROMISE not to do her baptism in the temple after she passed. And because of the relatively steady but slow decline of her health this friend made my mom promise this multiple times, in front of witnesses (including myself), in front of her husband. She put it in her will (although not specifically pointing to my mother, just a general ‘do not baptized me into your damn church after I’m dead’). She made jokes about haunting anyone who would dare do this to her.

She passed away 2 years ago. So surprise surprise about 10 months after she passed her husband (former Mormon) had a dream where she told him she changed her mind, please have (my mom) do her temple work for her. She also told him to go back to church. After her widower contacted my mom wouldn’t you know it but my mom ALSO had a dream about her! A dream where said friend laughed and said she was wrong about everything, and the missionaries were teaching her so much, and she was so glad that death had finally pulled the anti-Mormon blindfold from her eyes!

On the soonest date that was allowed by the church my mom did her friends baptism, followed by the rest of the work on a later date. The friends widower is now back at church and newly engaged to be married.

I am so mad about this. It was in her WILL!!!

And I think this is why I won’t withdraw my membership until after my parents have passed. I will not go through all the work of leaving only to have my mother disregard my feelings entirely and do the work anyway. Thank you for listening.

My mom is the only member of my immediate family that has any inclination that I am not active anymore. She knows if she brings up church stuff with me that I will respect her feelings and also be fairly candid about how nuanced I feel spirituality can really be.

She also knows that I occasionally listen to Mormon Stories Podcast and that I write down quotes that have meaning to me. I share them with her sometimes, regardless of whether or not it promotes Mormon views.

So when the news of the lawsuit dropped she came to me instead of asking her ward members to tell her how to feel about it. I admit I was very passionate in my defense of the podcast and John Dehlin. I barely let her get a word in edgewise I was so upset at the sheer audacity of the leaders of the church. I came away from that rant believing that I had made some huge mistake.

Today I got an unexpected Venmo from her, so I called to see why as there are generally no money exchanges between us.

As best as I can sum up these are her feelings: the church HAS to allow for nuance or they will fail to convert the world (and MSP makes space for that nuance), she respects that I am careful and kind in my speech about her beliefs (which John, Margie, and others also exhibit but that the church is lacking), the church is making a mistake and doesn’t need her money to persecute the marginalized, and that she still believes this will ‘count’ as tithing because it’s helping the less fortunate (lol).

I was shocked. This is the farthest away I have EVER heard her distance herself from the core of the church. Something about the lawsuit has made her see the church differently and now she’s using her money differently as a result. It’s been a few hours and the surprise hasn’t worn off. She is a lifelong member, true blue believer, she has proudly paid tithing on the gross her whole life. It feels like the tectonic plates have shifted (for me).

TLDR: My TBM mom gave me her tithing this month because she feels the church is using their money unrighteously to sue MSP. I would never have believed this possible.