depersonalization
reddit would be the last place where I'd be coming for this, but there's something I wanna discuss that I don't know where else I could. (small note: I'm not a fluent english speaker and my head feels kind of fuzzy righr at this moment so expect some typing mistakes)
not that I'm diagnosed with anything but I'm sure I have been experiencing dissociation for years now, since I was a kid. I remember experiencing what could have been derealization a few good years ago as a child as the best way I remember being able to describe it was reality not feeling real and like being in a dream, though I think I mostly experience depersonalization now. at least when it comes to frequent episodes that I can tell are this
I don't know if that's because that's something I've been living with constantly (I think I dissociate like at least once or a few times every week??) for a good while now but I really don't feel like it's nefessarily a bad thing at least in my experience? the only downside I see for myself is when it happens whenever I'm going through some extremely stressful situations like fights and dissociate and can't remember almost any of the details of what happened, but other than that I really don't understand. it somewhat helps me calm down and frees me from anxiety, and as someone who is very anxious 24/7 that's sort of a "break" for me. doesn't feel necessarily good but doesn't feel necessarily bad either. actually honestly sometimes it even feels kind of peaceful and makes me feel sleepy(?)
I see people always describing their experiences with dissociation as something terrible and sometimes even panicking but I just don't experience that as such a terrible thing and that makes me very confused because everything I see about dissociation when I look it up sounds like that
I'm not invalidating anyone's negative experiences, I'm just genuinely confused because it's mostly very chill for me
also, just to clarify, I'm already seeking professional help so I should be fine :)