Extreme Hunger
TW: Mentions of weight and Caloric intake
Hi everyone :)
So, as the title suggests, I'm currently in recovery and I believe experiencing extreme hunger. There are a number of posts already on this that I've read through and that have been immensely helpful, but I wanted to share my current state to see if anyone had a similar experience.
I'm a 19 y/o woman, who is currently at a 'Healthy' weight (according to BMI and... we all know what an unreliable measure that actually is of health) and has been for the last 3 years, having previously been yo-yoing between being Underweight and the lower end of the Healthy scale during the worst of my ED. I've had my period for the last two years, and my hair and nails are healthy too, it seems. My labs were OK the last time I had them done (though this was a long time ago and now that I'm typing this I need to get them done again), minus a low iron level which is being supplemented.
The thing is that I've been in Quasi-recovery since restoring my weight (on paper anyway), and have relapsed several times (eating my >! BMR !< in net calories a day) and yo-yoed weight-wise again that way too. There's a point that's reached where my body starts 'binging' to compensate for not enough food, and this has also become emotional, alongside being a clearly physical survival mode. I didn't really give myself enough credit for this though, and the former has meant that I was caught in a restrict-binge cycle.
I'm now in therapy, on Prozac, and am doing much better mentally. I realised it was time to go all-in in recovery, otherwise I would never be free for my eating disorder, no matter if I'm not as physically unwell as I used to be.
Since upping my food intake (I see my therapist via an Eating Disorder charity so I have some nutritional advice/structure from her), the extreme hunger, as I've found out this phenomena is called, has begun. Feeling like a bottomless pit, constantly thinking about food, insane cravings, not really feeling satiated, more mental than physical hunger but a good dose of that too.
A lot of the posts that I've come across with extreme hunger are to do with needing to gain weight: I accept that I probably will, though this is a tough pill for me to swallow, a) due to fatphobia, both internalised and in society/my household as I live with my parents, and b) because extreme hunger feels so far from intuitively eating, though I now recognise this is a phase that I need to ride out to get well again.
Anyway, to get to the point of what I'm asking, lol (is it obvious that i'm neurodivergent?) is whether there is anyone with a similar-ish experience to me, how to recognise the 'binge' urges if they exist, and what it feels like for the extreme hunger to eventually subside/how I can work on intuitive eating without restricting? any reassurance otherwise is also greatly appreciated :)
hope that you're having a wonderful day/week! <3