Day 3. RAGE. I do not think I can do this, it might be illegal.
Top Edit:
A lot of you are assuming I am an angry person and posting about my rage without nicotine. This is not the case. If I were an angry person then anger would be normal to me.
This anger is NOT normal to me, it is not part of my usual emotional range. That is why I am posting. I was, unfortunately, in that state when I first made this post. I since 'gave up' because I was getting nowhere.
I just do want to say though, in the most immature way possible: to those who say I 'must not really want to quit,' go away. You're wrong.
I am genuinely at the level of sheer irate anger and rage that I feel like I could actually do massive physical harm. Tell me why I should quit if I am going to be THIS FUCKING ENRAGED.
Anger level: I WILL RUIN FUCKING LIVES.
Edit: Been smoking since literal toddlerhood because family was white trash, 40, I do not think this is possible for me rn. Maybe not even ever.
Tried meds, literally just instant enrage mode, one go with wellbutrin was SO bad that it put me in the psych ward. Apparently also enrage mode even without the meds.
Edit edit: Is it the ADHD? I have no fucking adderall anymore because no job no health insurance, am I fucking my own self up by trying to quit nicotine when I have no adderall/dopamine replacement? Setting myself up for failure?
Last edit: Well this was all very deeply unhelpful, but a thank you to the people who at least tried to be empathetic and help me figure out where this sudden anger was coming from. I'll continue with my non-smoking therapist and I going back and forth with "Why does only this particular situation make me full of an unrelenting rage?"