hematoma seems to be gone on my left side now but i still have some swelling and the incision is slightly raised but other than that i like how it looks so far. i have been itching to get back into the gym tho.. luckily going on walks has definitely helped with not feeling so shitty ab it😃
it started in high school freshman year i started to pay more attention to my body and developed rly bad dysmorphia. i was quite fat at the time and i would always rarely eat anything during the school day but then when i got home i would binge like crazy and eat copious amounts of food. years past and i lost the weight with a ridiculous amount of cardio. fast forward to now.. i’ve been dealing with this on again off again binge, i have one day where i am really good and eat healthy and stay around 1600 calories for the day im (160cm 59kg) but then the next day i tend to get triggered or i feel like i’ve been good so i eat something that doesn’t go with my daily meal plan. I tell myself it’s only one thing i’ll be fine, but this always makes me spiral. my thought process is “oh now that i’ve eaten this i guess my whole days fucked might as well eat whatever i can get my hands on” and when i mean eat i mean eat. I will end up eating over 9k calories in that day and feel disgusting about it but i still feel the need to eat more, and the food noise is so loud that the next morning i can’t stop thinking about what im going to eat next. sometimes when these cycles happen i will keep binging for multiple days sometimes months, but the thing is there are some days where im like okay we need to lock in, so i go back to the 1600 cals for the day. but it never lasts and i keep getting back into this cycle of binging, eating normal, and i hate that when i binge it’s weirdly comforting but then the aftermath makes me feel awful and i end up trying to burn all the calories with an absurd amount of cardio. i wish i was able to just be normal bruh.