u/anastasiia86

I honestly feel like I’m falling apart.
I started HRT in mid-March and things were actually getting better on 2 pumps of estrogen gel. My anxiety was calmer, I felt more stable, more like myself again.
Then on May 5th I increased to 3 pumps because my doctor suggested trying a higher dose.
And ever since then my nervous system has completely crashed.
It’s now been almost 10 days of:
unbearable anxiety,
constant tension in my body,
panic,
crying,
feeling like I can’t cope with life at all,
waking up exhausted,
feeling detached from myself.
On May 9th I went back down to 2 pumps because I felt like my body couldn’t handle 3. But the anxiety still hasn’t gone away. I feel stuck in permanent fight-or-flight mode.
I sit and cry hysterically because I just want myself back. I want my brain back. I want to feel safe in my own body again.
I came off antidepressants earlier this year because I hoped HRT would be enough. And now I’m terrified that maybe I need to go back on them because I genuinely don’t feel like I’m coping anymore.
Has anyone else come off antidepressants after starting HRT… and then had to go back on them again?
Please tell me I’m not alone in this.

I’m 40 and started HRT in mid-March.
At the time I weighed 70 kg (154 lbs). Today, exactly two months later, I stepped on the scale for the first time and honestly… I’m shocked.
I now weigh 74 kg (163 lbs).
That’s a 4 kg gain (almost 9 lbs) in just two months.
The confusing part is that I haven’t really changed anything:
same eating habits,
same activity level,
same workouts,
same lifestyle overall.
I know people say HRT doesn’t directly cause weight gain, but this feels too dramatic to ignore.
Has anyone else experienced noticeable weight gain after starting HRT?
Was it temporary water retention or did the weight stay?
I’m honestly feeling really upset and confused about it.