Losing something you took so much care of
Not a relatable vent by any means but I'm sure others have their own versions. Tonight I watched my tarantula die horribly after it got stuck while molting which is where it sheds it's exoskeleton to get bigger. It really hurts to have hope for something to live when its at its worst, I stayed awake for almost 40 hours making sure it didn't die on me, making sure it had enough moisture and making sure it wasn't bleeding. Unfortunately it wasn't enough. This might not seem like much but it just feels like life spitting in my face and telling me that I can never properly care for the things I love so much despite putting my life into protecting them. It's bad when coupled with the fact that I don't know many people and I replaced a lot of my social time with taking care of my tarantulas, it literally just feels like life used the life a creature I loved so much to prove a metaphor of own my incapability to me. I want to cry but I can't because I know it's quite literally all my fault, I don't even feel upset I just feel betrayed by myself. Thank you for reading. RIP Bandit ❤️