u/angry_lam93

I’ve posted here many times and I’m really horrible at responding to others. But I just have to get this out there because I don’t know who else would understand or even let me just feel this.

So my best friend is pregnant. That’s okay, she had a miscarriage shortly after my tfmr and while it is different, we were there for each other. What’s getting to me is she’s pregnant and due almost exactly a year from when I was pregnant and really close to my due date a year later. I feel bad but I really hope she doesn’t have a boy. I don’t know if I could handle being around her. I wish I could be just happy for her, but it’s complicated and I’m also upset that she’s having a kid and I’m not because all my experience is that once you have kids your friend groups change according to who has kids the same age. And I don’t know if we’re going to ttc again. And it just feels like too much. I’m trying to talk myself through this and tell myself that I’m catastrophizing and that it’s not all bad and I will be okay. But I just need to say this here. Thanks for ready if you did.

My neighbor across the street had a little boy around the same time I was due with my little boy and I really struggle to look at her and her baby let alone talk to her. Before our tfmr we were friends and I loved talking with her, we even shared that we were expecting with each other early. I feel so immature that I can’t talk with her or even wave when we’re both outside at the same time. Part of me wants to move just so I don’t have that reminder every time I leave the house, I know that doesn’t make sense, and it’s not what I really want. I just feel so sad at the loss of that friendship and I know she’s understanding and doesn’t hold it against me. But I know I’m the one stopping us from being friends again. I just can’t bring myself to talk with her.