u/annnonymous199

These are mostly about animals. Some about humans, because humans are animals. You may disagree on that but then you haven't seen my table manners.

Animal gender names

These are in a male/female format unless otherwise stated. Because men lead whilst women are always right.

Spider genders are Yaaagh/Waaagh. This is based on the sound you make when you see them.

Blue footed boobies and red footed boobies are Left/Right. It should be noted right boobies are almost always bigger.

For some reason the UK name for the same family of birds known as Chickadees in the US are called tits. This means their genders are Left and right also.

Group names

A small group of braincells is called an idiot.

A small group of crows is an attempted murder.

A group of ravens are a writing desk.

A pair tits is called a Nice Rack. I frequently see a nice rack of tits in my garden.

A group of directors is called a company, or company board.

A group of politicians is called incompetent.

A group of around thirty kids is a class. 3+ bus loads of kids is called a school trip.

A group of girls is a gaggle. This is because they share one brain and laugh lots. For the group of boys? Bold of you to assume they have enough to make up a single brain between them.

A group of virgins is called an embarrassment.

A group of politicians is either a parliament or a waste of resources.

A pair of blue footed or red footed boobies is called a chest.

A group of trees is called a forest.

A group of problems is called a calamity.

On the first day of Christmas

My true love gave to me

A partridge in a pear tree

On the second day of Christmas

My true love gave to me

Two turtle doves

And a partridge in a pear tree

On the third day of Christmas

My true wuve gave to me

Twree Fwrench hwens

Two twurtle dwoves

And a bra that only hold three (how wonderful)

On the fourth day of Christmas

My true love gave to me

Four calling birds

Three French hens

Two creme eggs

And a partridge in a pear tree

On the fifth day of Christmas

My true love gave to me

Five golden rings for the Elven-Kings under the sky

Four stalling birds

Three bench presses

Two turtle doves

And a partridge in a pear tree (fantastic)

On the sixth day of Christmas

My true love gave to me

Six mixed sized eggs

Five cans if soup

Four pints of milk

Three mixed nuts

Two loaves of bread

And a bandage for my left spleen (sorry, that’s my shopping list)

On the seventh day of Christmas

My twue wuve gave to me

Seven swans a-swimming

Six geese a-laying

Five golden rings

Four Stalin birds

Three French hens

Two turtle doves

And a partridge in a pear tree

On the eighth day of Christmas

My true love gave to me

Eight maids a-milking

Seven chimes a-swinging

Six donkeys braying

Five golden rings

Four calling birds

Three French hens

Two turtle doves

And a partridge in a pear tree

On the ninth day of Christmas

My true love gave to me

Three Rings for the Elven-Kings under the sky, Seven for the Dwarf-Lords in their halls of stone, Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die, One for the Dark Lord on his Dark Throne In the Land of Mordor where the shadows lie.

One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them

In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.

On the tenth day of Christmas

My true love gave to me

Ten lords a-leaping

Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die

Eight moths a-silking

Seven for the Dwarf-Lords in their halls of stone

Six geese a-laying

Five golden rings

Four calling birds

Three Rings for the Elven-Kings under the sky

Two turtle doves

One for the Dark Lord on his Dark Throne

In the Land of Mordor where the shadows lie.

One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them

In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.

On the eleventh day of Christmas

My true love gave to me

Eleven pipers piping

Ten scythes a-reaping

Nine ladies dancing

Eight maids a-milking

Seven swans a-swimming

Six geese a-laying

Five… Golden… Rings!!!...

Four appalling words

Three French men

Two turtle doves

And a partridge in a pear tree (how lovely)

On the twelfth day of Christmas

My true love gave to me

Twelve drummers drumming

Eleven pipers piping

Ten frogs a-leaping

Nine ladies dancing

Eight maids a-milking

Seven swans a-swimming

Six geese a-laying

Five golden rings

Four calling birds

Three French hens

Two turtle doves

And a bra that only holds three

On the twelfth day of Christmas

My true love gave to me

Twelve drummers drumming

Eleven pipers piping

Ten lords a-leaping

Nine ladies dancing

Eight maids a-milking

Seven swans a-swimming

Six geese a-laying

Five golden rings

Four calling birds

Three French hens

Two turtle doves

And a partridge in a pear tree

On the twelfth day of Christmas

My true love gave to me

Twelve hummers humming

Elven pipers piping

Ten lords a-leaping

Nine ladies dancing

Eight moths a-silking

Seven swans a-swimming

Six geese a-laying

Five golden rings

Four calling birds

Three French hens

Two turtle doves

And a partridge in a pear tree

On the thirteenth day of Christmas

My true love gave to me

Thirteen blue footed boobies

Twelve hummers humming

Eleven snipers sniping

Ten frogs a-leaping

Nine deers prancing

Eight moths a-silking

Seven hyenas laughing

Six donkeys braying

Five… Golden… Things…

Four appalling turds

Three bench presses

Two dogs barking

And a bra that only holds three

This is due to things like:

1, A change in modern morality. Christian values are often not as well developed as most people seem to think. So they have decided to go multicultural.

Second, Because of "mattress actresses" like Bonnie Blue. She has a high "bodycount".

4, Virgins aren't common anymore so they have to lower the bar.

3, They have realised there are other forms of purity.

Instead they will now accept people who return trolleys/shopping carts, those who don't yell at service workers and people who are actively trying too or have beaten addiction.

Not a floor walking sea critter like most people seem to think.

Due to the UK's recent online safety act the band 5th Dimension will be changing the song to The Age Verification of Aquarius and are in the process of rerecording it. Because apparently being older than civilisation isn't enough proof of your age. Singles and albums reflecting this change will be available late November this year.

1, The sound a posh duck makes.

2, An elementary particle that makes up the nucleus of an atom. There are six types of them: Up, Down, Bipolar, Charm, Strange, Stranger, Stranger Things, Top, and Bottom. Most atoms are comprised of a mix of up and down quarks. Bipolar quarks are ones that fluctuate rapidly between Up and Down. Stranger Things quarks are more stable than Stranger quarks and were found in the exotic matter found in the last season of the series. The cost of the amount of exotic used in Stranger Things was almost half the 5th season's production costs. Top and Bottom quarks are also known as Sub and Dom quarks.

3, A dairy product similar to soft cheese.

The habitable zone in the solar system is also called the goldilocks zone because it is the only place in the solar system where you can find bears.