[NJ] so what do you do when a “coparent” refuses to discuss anything?
I’ll try to make this as short as possible to possibly get more engagement because I am lost!
My ex was arrested for DV in April 2022. He left the state and did not see the kids at all except to visit. He did not want to take them at all because he did not want me to see other guys or date (literally). When I actually started seriously dating someone in May of 2024, he absolutely lost his mind. He would text the most obscene things about details of me and this bf having sex, about c*m being on my bed and what if the kids sat in the bed….like, he really went off the deep end even more than he already was.
He demanded the kids every other weekend. I knew a court battle would give him at least this, so I gave no issue. Fast forward to August 2025, me and this same bf have plans of potentially living together. Ex finds out, loses his mind once again. Files several OTSC and a normal hearing to take primary away from me. I spent so much money on a lawyer. I already struggle so much financially. I had the worst anxiety about it all that I was physically ill.
He decided to change his mind about primary out of nowhere and just wanted to sign an order giving him more time. I agreed. I was just so happy to not have the chance of my kids going with him. However, now he has joint legal custody. He has forfeited every single day of the extra time he has asked, including already saying he doesn’t want them for summer. It was all to prove a point to me.
There are a couple major things that need discussing, and per the order we must “amicably come together to try and resolve”….he is not amicable at all. I have tried multiple times, via parenting app that was granted due to harassment, to try and talk to him. I have expressed deep concern for the children on the matters and how I really feel we need to address the issues.
He literally will not say anything about the kids. All he says is I’m a bad mom, bad with money, all I care about is my boyfriend, I’m not smart, I’m a compulsive liar so he can’t possibly talk to me, etc. tells me “talk to my lawyer” “take me to court”.
I just don’t know what to do from here. He enjoys going to court, he enjoys tearing me down emotionally and financially. And I can’t do it. I feel like I’ve never left the abusive relationship.
I list out my concerns for the kids, ask for thoughts and opinions and he cannot say one single thing about them. It’s just me, me, me, boyfriend, boyfriend, boyfriend.
What do I even do? Make decisions for the kids, wait for him to cry to his lawyer and then be dragged through court? I am so so lost and so so burnt out.