u/anonymous-famous

I am a full-time nanny for twins, 33 months old. Although I only have them on 2-2-3 custody and just do chores when NK is not around, it's mentally drowning me. MB doesn't acknowledge the exhaustion I've experienced physically and mentally. She's present but not really helping. Which is OK, as I'm paid to take care of them. She adds more tasks during this situation, such as making a childcare log when providing care for NK, having to remember the clothes and footwear DB put on NK during exchange, as I have to return to him vice versa/remembering what I put on them so we can ask DB to return stuff to us, as he has a habit of claiming whatever belongs to MB. Because of the unstable routine, DB creates kids who have to be hand-fed while getting distracted during mealtime, can be screen time or story time, which is difficult. How does she expect me to hold a book, tell a story, and hand-feed them twice/day (breakfast and lunch)? Sometimes I feed them when they're playing and running around.

If NK says NO to the food, MB will ask me to make something else, which I refuse most of the time. These parents never say NO to NK. Even when one of them is being violent, they'd still end up coddling them instead of putting them on time out. NK falls; she freaks out. NK gets small bruises from falling she freaking out. NK got scratches she freaking out.

Here's the exhausting part. She couldn't prepare her kids for the exchange; I have to come early in the morning to prepare them. Despite having limited time, she won't bother to wake them early, so they'd be awake by 6.45 am when I came, and the exchange is 7.30 am but she won't wake until over 7:10 a.m. I have to snap pictures all of all body parts, including vital signs, before the exchange or after the exchange when we receive them. Today we're realize it's many bruises on the right foot of one of the NKs (small bruises from falling), and she's freaking out because I didn't snap pictures days ago after receiving them like I used to. She won't admit it when I said it's happening on our watch and keeps pushing me to find the picture, as I didn't snap it because isn't there when we had them days ago. She keeps mentioning it and keeps saying DB will make a big accusation over her; her day is already ruined; how it's always a new problem every day- why I'm not snapping the pictures like I've been told to, etc.

The thing is, changing 33 months old on a changing table is unpleasant, as no toddler is willing to lie down for a diaper change anymore; then dealing with them refused on wearing specific color, and she made me change to follow their wish, is exhausting. Then how is she expecting me to use my personal phone to snap nude pictures of babies? Or asking, "Are you taking a picture when they're taking a bath?" Like, that's so odd for me to think of snapping pictures of another person's kids naked in a bath. I also feel so wrong for myself, especially since I can't even delete them. Then one of the kids will snap my phone and run, and I couldn't leave one kid on the changing table naked to get the phone back.

I know she has a lot going on, but I'm so tired of her demeanor of keeping negative affirmations, and if I'm trying to show empathy, she'd make a statement like My mental is also draining isn't true because I'm just the nanny. When she's literally not doing much besides paying me. Like she'd go straight to the driver's seat while I'm buckling both of them myself, or hand-feeding them when she just watches. Especially now she requests to be wfh so she can "spend more time" with NK. So she'd be in the kitchen area working, not in the room being locked to set boundaries and make NK understand they can't bother her, but if NK comes to her and wants her, she'll be so upset for me not stopping him. Like, how do I stop an almost 3yo trying to interact with their mother when there's no barrier? I'm tired of these NP; none of them care about NK until divorce, and both are trying to get full custody so they can get child support from each other.

If you've ever been a nanny in the middle of a contested divorce, did you feel drained too?

Nanny for twins, aged 30 months. In the middle of a contested divorce. Temporary custody of 2-2-3. MB keeps pushing on potty training; all I ask is for 3 consecutive days. The request to the court was dismissed by DB through his attorney for 5 days' vacation for potty training purposes because, in order to grant MB 5 days, he asks for 10 days to have NK, so both sides end up not getting the time needed. She keeps mentioning the only option is when she has them 3days during weekends; I keep telling her I'm not available on weekends, and she keeps on pushing me to have to come during those days to help. I agreed on salary until the first hearing, but we're also never ever mentioning or agreeing on weekend work. Is it my fault, or am I being unprofessional over this? If she couldn't give me the days I asked for and it falls on the weekend, and I don't want to work on the weekend, why do I keep being put in situations like it's my fault for NK not being potty trained? She makes statements like, "Is it not easy to just take them and go every 30 minutes?" When I'm answering that bringing my kids to her house during the weekend for potty training still counts me as working, right, and she answers that way and is unhappy when I make a joke, "then why don't you do it?"

MB wants potty every 30 minutes, applies even during her 2days. Then I said OK, but I need them in underwear instead of pull-ups; they need to understand and have a feel of wetness once they make an accident; that's when they'd learn, but she's refusing. She's said What if they pee on one of the expensive sofas or stain the rug or carpet, yadda yadda. So MB wants potty while they're fully clothed. Mind you, their usual clothes are onesie, socks, long pants. One time NK threw blueberries on the wall and made a stain; she freaked out. Then I cooked them spaghetti, and they ate like crazy and loved it, but stained their clothes, and MB told me not to feed them spaghetti anymore. So how do I potty trained in the house where any small dirty drips or stains are banned?

Am I being unreasonable or unprofessional? I'm just so tired of this potty training argument. Before you judge me, read all my previous posts to understand how much I'm already sacrificing to this family, and she just keeps me wanting to do more and more. Additionally, I've already work 11hours/day once she has the kids.

Here I am again, venting. I knew back to this family would really test me, but my market isn't good atm and working on finishing my master's is only fit with nannying.

They're in the middle of a contested divorce; I'm agreed on salary for 2-2-3 custody, meaning if I work more than 40 hours in some week, I'd just get over myself because when MB only has the kid for 2days/week my other 3days works is light- again, light, but doesn't mean I get a day off. I'd have to make myself show up when the kid is with DB during parenting time if I need to go to an appointment, or so. If I'm not showing up that day, it'll be no pay. So when NK is not on MB parenting time, I do chores like her laundry, change bedsheets, vacuuming, mopping, organizing. However, we're never really talking during work on weekends, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt that she'd understand to leave me alone so I can be with my family and my kids, as when MB has the kids, I'd be there starting at 7am for the exchange until 6pm 2 days, sometimes 3 days/week. If not, I'd do chores and mostly leave by 2pm, come by 8am. Now it's becoming a habit: once I offer a couple of hours of help, MB thinks I'm entitled to it too.

When MB has a weekend with NK, she'd expect me to help at least on Sunday after they're back from grandparents. I'm only limiting my time to 2 hours. But the problem is now she'd occasionally call me either to ask to send childcare log/something else. Asking me to clean up the garage, or trying her new carpet cleaner, etc. Then she's mentioned wanting to potty train NK when she has them on 3 days weekend; I'm assuming she's asking me to come on that.

This makes me consider AITA if I ask her not to bother me during the weekend and cut off permanent weekend help, as now she makes it a habit? I'm totally regretting that one time help that turned into a habit now. MB thinks because I love kids, it's fun for me to work and work. But the thing is, I'm still working; I'm not watching NK brainlessly or doing stuff without thinking of this and that. If I don't show up she'd the one show up to my house, it's just frustrating.

I've worked for this family for almost 3 years, full-time and part-time. Both parents never really cared about NK, busy with their own work and meeting friends. Now they're going through a contested divorce. Ironically, from caring little about NK, they are now competing to be the best fit as a parent to get full custody. I end up being the provider during MB's custody time. I'm exhausted mentally. During the 2-2-3 temporary custody, exchange times are at 7:45 am I once tried to be nice by coming at 7 am after dropping my kids at school, and now she makes it a habit and expects me there during exchanges, prepares both kids, snapping nude pics as evidence that they are sent without bruises or scars, as DB always makes allegations of abuse. Every biweekly, MB takes NK to her grandparents' house, but on Sundays when they're back, she wants me there for a couple of hours for safety reasons, claiming she can't load both kids and bring them inside safely without leaving one unattended in the car, and vice versa.

Every time we leave to buckle them in, she's incapable of doing it; one kid will refuse, but I can usually get him buckled in less than 5 minutes. She can't make NK listen, which is very frustrating. Almost three years in, and I still feel like her maternal instincts aren't enough, for example she'd planned all activities during nap time and then wondering why NK won't cooperating and not on their best behavior — it's a lot to process. One day, I tried to avoid MB and not answer her call, and she stopped by straight to my house before her own, since we live in the same neighborhood. MB constantly asks me to bring my kids to play with NK, but she forgets that means an extra set of kids for me to watch, especially since I can't rely on her. When she asks to bring NK and mine to an indoor playground, she doesn't really watch them, often engaging but disappearing for phone calls or messages, leaving me overwhelmed trying to keep an eye on five kids. Remember, during her custody time, I work from 7am to 6pm because she wants to have fun with NK but can't watch two kids at once. Though she has her parents around, she always expects me to help. If I complain that I want to spend time with my own kids, she responds by saying, "Bring them over," or, "I'll come by your house with NK so you don't lose your time with your kiddos." But her presence doesn't mean she's helping. Especially since NK never listens, always taking things from others, not accepting "no," and if I discipline him and he cries, she gets upset. I can't keep telling my kids to give up toys or let him do whatever he wants, just because she tolerates that behavior, especially at our own house. Sorry for the long vent, but it's exhausting, and I couldn't get a job until school starts, as I'm applying for substitute positions.

I'm a full-time nanny for twins, 2.5 years old. NP is in the middle of a difficult divorce. They have temporary custody on a 2-2-3 schedule until the 1st hearing. However, every time we get the kids back from their father, they always have new scars. Not always, but about 90% of the time. If it's not a scratch or bite mark, small bruise, DB claims the bite came from the siblings. The last time, there was something like burns on the fingers of each child. If it's unintentional, why do both kids have scars in the same place? He claims it's from climbing the monkey bars, but, strangely, only two fingers are affected; if it were an accident, all fingers should have wounds. Maybe I'm watching too many documentaries, but DB has a history of violence toward MB and others. Now I saw a delivery driver drop off an order of two storage containers—let's say toddler size. I'm really worried, and I hate feeling paranoid. Those containers are fit for one toddler. I can't stop worrying. What should I do? Maybe he gets storage containers to pack his stuff, but why only two? Not three or more than 2? He always appears so sweet and so careful, but you knew the husband of Shanan Wats just a lovely chill guy as well.. please tell me I'm overthinking

Working on childcare for more than a decade and never once experiencing scary moments, not even towards my own children. Yesterday I'm accompanied MB and #1 NK (have twins) to a doctor (not pediatrician and I couldn't tell for identity protection) appointment, he's 2,5 years old. MB couldn't be alone with him when DB was around due to the process of an ugly divorce. We have to leave #2 NK with grandparents at home as the no siblings allowed rule. NP on 2-2-3 schedule and DB has NK last weekend from Friday - Monday morning, exchange in the morning. NK always looks so worn out every time after exchange and back from DB so hard to tell whether it's them exhausted or getting sick.

The front desk keeps us waiting, as MB decided to cancel it as #1 NK just feels warm (not hot) and is planning on going to CVS nearby to check the temperature quickly. NK is still using a rear-facing car seat. Right after buckling him in and not even leaving the parking lot I looked back at him and saw him twitching and told MB to stop and grab him as he was sitting behind her seat while I called 911.

Court order not allowing us (me, MB, DB) to talk to each other but through an app but it's an emergency and I call DB anyway try to find where he is, and inform him. Instead of thanking me he fusses before hanging up the phone by saying "Why do you call 911?" I'm 100% sure that's what he said but he claimed he didn't say that as he is trying to make me look incompetent so he can get rid of me as a caregiver.

Before EMS come he keep insisting on us to buckle NK back to the car to go to the hospital when we'd told him EMS was on the way.

I've been with this kid since he was 10 months old, and seeing him have a seizure, stop breathing, and turn blue was really something I wasn't prepared for. During the chaos, many people showed up, including nurses and others, and they kept mistakenly thinking I was the mother. MB was crying but still seemed calm. I don't know how she did that, but she's also a doctor, so maybe she's trained to stay composed in situations like this.

Anyway, I called the grandparents to inform them and to check on the other NK, since I know that even though they're twins, genetics can work differently. But I could barely talk—I was bawling, crying, and shaking. I hate that I reacted like that, crying more than his parents did. It makes me wonder if I'm really a good nanny, or if I should leave this family.

If you were the parents, would you find it strange to see your child's caregiver more hysterical than you?

I probably shouldn't have contacted DB, but I called him because it was an emergency. Now he's using it against me in another allegation through the court. I'm at a loss. I just love the kids. I've experienced losing a little one before, so I guess that's why this incident affected me so much.

I have a simple question, now that MB is heading to be a single mother and has no man in her circle who is capable of installing this and that, she made me do it. So far, I've done baby proofing, which I said was a bit late since NK is almost 3 years old, but I did it anyway. Then a bunch of toys including small furniture like kids' table & chairs, activities set, then the next thing is she just bought a kitchen set toy that I may be able to install but it isn't my expertise, and every time I do this kind of thing it puts me in a headache so bad. Does anyone take this kind of task? If not how do you refuse it? As NK is on temporary shared custody of 2--2-3 there's one time when one week and I just have 2 days work as a proper nanny and she wants filling time when NK is not with us with this abundance of installing playroom things, create an itinerary for the upcoming days' activities. Please help

I'm back with the old family I had a while ago. They have twins 2.5 years old, who have "speech delayed" but understood everything we've said just fine. Parents speaking 2 languages, 2 languages most at home, grandparents' house, when NP sees friends etc. The point is NK understands when we told them stuff. However, baby B is an easy kid, most behave. But NP always thinks he's always a "problem". Mind you baby A is one mischievous. He'd come directly to B and grab whatever he has and run. Or snatch/crush LEGO that B builds and run. Now when B stands up for himself and beats him up, NP will label B as the naughty one. Honestly, I don't like it.

When I'm around I'm trying to be reasonable, like take the toys back and return to B and make A apologize, etc but A is idk sneaky? Will use whining and crying and run to the NP who couldn't say NO and handle the crying baby and MB will be upset over me discipline him.

A is raised to be a monster. Once I've brought my kid He'd come straight to her and pulled her hair so hard and dragged it and laugh, when I've told him no He'd start crying and won't apologize or say sorry. I knew he was capable of doing at least hugh, baby B will hugh my kid once A hurt her and she cried.

Another story takes them to the park or an indoor playground, where his behavior includes crushing another kid's Lego or toys. Push the other kid for no reason. Then one kid at the park is complaining to MB and all she's said is he's 2 and couldn't understand what he's doing. I am furious with her excuse.

He never wants to share. He wants whatever other kids have. He'd scream, throwing tantrums, throwing stuff, kicking, and all NP does is coddle him and apologize for not giving him what he wants. I am so sick of if am I wrong to feel this way? I'm so sick of seeing this kind of parent. Wwyd?