I still feel disgust even after acceptance
I never thought about me being bi ever in my life of course, but when I did find out, it wasn't really a surprise and I was completely okay with it at the start. I realized at the beginning of this year for context.
The more I think about it now, the more disgusted I get at myself for liking other boys. It's not like as if I have a problem with other people being bi. I saw another post about someone saying they felt selfish and that's exactly how I feel. Specifically about me liking the same gender. I don't know why. Sometimes Im completely attracted to men and barely women. Sometimes I'm attracted to women and barely men. Sometimes it's closer to the middle. Sometimes I'm only sexually attracted to one and romantically attracted to the other for days at a time if not weeks.
It's the times where I'm more attracted to other guys that makes me feel this way. I don't even know how to explain it, it's not like I feel greedy or anything. I just feel like it's wrong when I'm attracted to another man. It feels weird and wrong to me but I can't quite put it into words. I've had people tell me that I'm weird for feeling this way. So I don't really open up about it as much anymore.
I want to know if anybody else feels this guilt and knows how to fix it. Im sure basically everyone has felt guilty about not being straight but still. Im basically asking the veteran bi people on how I can stop feeling so guilty and selfish for liking both or sometimes only feeling attraction towards men. I don't hate this part of myself exactly, but it just makes me uncomfortable when I think about it.