u/anotherblog

My heart rate increases, I imagine how I’ll spend my millions, I fanaticise how dramatically I’ll quit my job, I log in to the app. I’ve won £1. One pound.

What’s the fucking point? Save these pounds towards some more big prizes. One pound isn’t buying me a McMansion, a yacht, a drug habit, a divorce, a debilitating brain injury as a result of a questionable quad bike accident, and eventual bankruptcy thank you very much.

Last Wednesday I was feeling so positive. My GP had agreed to refer me to endo and cardio for secondary investigations. I had to fight for this as my age (43/m) meant they really only wanted to treat me for essential hypertension. But I know my own body, and I know something’s off. The panic attacks, the fluctuating low potassium in blood tests, the aches and palpitations.

Only a week before that we increased my ramipril from 5mg to 7.5mg. This seems to have started a series of events that would manifest the following day.

On Thursday I collapsed at work. My colleague took me to hospital ED. BP was 189/139 HR 115. A personal best for me. Colleague said I was confused and shaking. I remember having a burning feeling in my neck at its peak.

After 8 hours in the waiting room and a CT scan of my head due to the confusion, they sent me home. Not life threatening. Report to GP to work on controlling essential hypertension.

The next morning I couldn’t work out how to turn the shower on. Had a meltdown. Wife took me to GP. BP was 170/113, still tachy HR. Very worried GP ordered me back to ER immediately (a different hospital near home). He phoned ahead to the stroke unit but they insisted I went through ER again. I was struggling to find words and couldn’t walk properly (Bambi legs, so they say).

After a traumatic 5 day hospital stay I was sent home as was ‘stable’ and waiting a contrast dye MRI scan as an outpatient - booked for tomorrow morning. My discharge letter simply states ‘Confusion (confirmed)’ under diagnosis. Waiting MRI scan.

I’m a wreck. I can’t drive, wobbly on my legs still. I just don’t know how to fix this. I’m otherwise healthy and fit, eat well. But three months on BP meds haven’t touched the sides of this. I’m terrified. Not seeing endo until October.