u/antikyther

Will probably delete eventually but I think this is the one place I can post this realistically and have it be fitting.
I got on DIY HRT when I was roughly 15 partially due to 4tran. This was around early-ish 2024? At the time I had a gut feeling that the election was not going to go well, solidified after Trump got shot that i had absolutely no chance and needed to DIY under any circumstances. He found out after about a year. it did not go well.
At the exact same time (same day he found out) my mother got diagnosed with breast cancer. I don’t know if it’s genetic or not, it responds to high estrogen though. Chances are they probably only told my sister because I’m a train knee so i deserve it, actually. Or maybe it’s just midnight. And I can’t remember shit from the past few years anyways.
His response was to make me, first of all, immediately go to my doctor and have her throw it away which could have shut down her fucking clinic because Kansas banned HRT for minors in early 2025. and it’s kansas, and maybe she was trying to guilt me but i still feel embarrassed about it because i assume it put her in a precarious spot.
And then he posted to fucking reddit about it. Not naming the sub but it was a subreddit specifically for dads and the comments were exactly what you would expect. Top comments were surprisingly supportive, a lot of they/themming but they criticized his derisive tone which was nice, but the majority of the comments were actual ropefuel. One suggested injecting me with testosterone and i remember feeling nothing about it. I just felt empty. Like I had actually been gutted of any reason to feel anything. That was his first response was to shout into the void of the internet and hope he got a response in his favor enough to rub it in my fucking face. To his credit when he didnt get it he stfu but he still fucking did it
I immediately got back on DIY because fuck is he gonna do? I do this or I rope and i just got better at hiding my cone tits and i’m still tall asf anyways so its not like ill ever pass.
Anyways the entirety of 2025 was absorbed by my mom’s cancer and dealing with medical bills and inflation and then that one bill passed in February and im up at 1 am thinking about how my dad at some point got an influx of comments talking about how i should go to conversion therapy and how awful it was i could buy something that saved my life online. I’ve had a long couple of years that i will never truly heal from and i still feel 15 and emotionally stunted. I realized at 11. I should have had it all. I got awful night terrors around that time and sometimes still i wake up and there are bugs crawling all over my bed and i run out of my fucking room. The past few years of my life are just gone and I don’t know how to cope. Completely friendless, no high school experience really other than doin the work, and i’m expected to be an adult now. TCD now, forever, and always.