Why i cant just born male? (I think im just mentally ill)
I know i will never transition ( i am still asking to myself, am i stay like that till i die, but i doomed by born with this sex so it is not matter to transition,bc i will always be afab) but i cant live like this. I really hate amabs and has strong envy to them. I always inherently trying to convince myself i feel like this bc of partricarchy,feminism bla bla. But it is not easy to explane like that. I have internalized transphobia, i think. But when i see any little shit of in internet hate towards trans mens or invaliteding them. I just feel strong hate to them, they are mostly trans womans or cisgays. And i always feel exluded bc queer culture is male dominated and i always will be the dyke,butch,afab,lesbo of the queer community. I dunno maybe i have aap. i wish i was not get this trans brainworm when puberty starts. I cant explane myself properly but i wasted my life bc of trans shit and will kmx bc of this and back then i was more confident about being trans, feel more certain, and now i dont know. Everything feels envious,ashamed, hurt, feels stucked, hopeless suicidal. And feel hate to all people, all lgbt communities. And my body cant saved with t, i am just unlucky shit. I cant explain how i feel but this "identity" hurt me lot but i just attachet to that, is this am i really trans or just i am mentally ill, i dont know. Only fhing i wish i hope being reincarnation is real and i will reincwrnate as a boy. But it just a fuckşnf deluision bc i know afterlife is not real. Whatever. I hate my irl life,body,face,sex,organs, and online communities and all type of queers. Fuck thst shit. I hope i can kmx.