u/appl3slices

I don’t think my feelings are about skating exclusively, but just about life in general lately. I’ve been busy with work and it’s caused me to become super sedentary. There’s a mental block when I compare my past self to my current self. I lost skills progress since last fall because I haven’t been able to get to the rink. So now the thought of going to the rink and practicing all these LTS moves by myself is kind of terrifying.

I’d like to dip my toes in again by just going to public skate and skating simply in circles to maybe build my strength again. What mentally stops me is feeling guilty because of what I could be doing instead (practicing crossovers and direction changes which I’m struggle at). I guess I need some validation or encouragement, does anyone else find it helpful to simply show up and use ice time to cruise around? Have you done this when in a similar slump or just part of your practice?

posting here bc y’all understand that asian family dynamic and i need some advice involving marriage

my bf and i are both asian american, he’s taiwanese and i’m vietnam-chinese heritage. going steady for about 3 years now, he’s definitely my forever person. he’s genuine and kind but my mom has a problem with him being no-contact with his family.

we’re 25 and are considering getting married in the next few years. a cousin of mine just got married so now my mom was talking about how i should do my wedding🫩. i’m readily willing to be a bridezilla and rage against her “taking over my day” but my main concern is my bf’s feelings so hear me out.

my bf has discussed with me on a separate occasion he truly does not want to contact his mom again. she was constantly verbally and physically abusive. he won’t get too far into it but everytime he talks about his childhood, he seems to tremble a little. i get the sense he is THAT traumatized by thoughts of his mom.

my mom has always hinted “i want to meet his family to see what type of people they are” but it’s getting worse. i’ll be minding my own biz when she starts up with whole “when you get married, tell bf to get his mom and dad to attend” “we should get his mom and dad’s blessing before marriage.”today she did it again so i walked out of the house and drove away lmao. she genuinely thinks that to get married i should be integrating myself into his family like she did. i’d actually rather die than be subject to a nightmare MIL.

i’ve told her a couple of his stories (i shouldn’t have but i wanted to make her understand) and she still sympathized with his NPD mom, asking “what did he/his dad do to make her act like that?””his dad must’ve been cheating” etc. my mom honestly has the mentality of a 15 year old little girl and thinks abuse is normal or justified. the mom honestly committed outright crimes, it’s not a question it was abuse. i despise the “you made me do it” mentality.

my mom is now saying she wants to talk to bf about his parents and ask him what they did wrong. **my main problem**: i’m worried for my bf. i do not want him hurt, and i do not want other people making him feel in any way that he is not a whole person for not talking to his family. it genuinely makes me want to cry thinking about how he’d have to answer her questions. her questions will be rhetorical and loaded—they’re not questions, they will be attempts to change his mind.

i know he’s a grown man and he’d probably know how to handle it. but i don’t even know how to bring this up to him. it’s like when someone else is talking shit about X person and you wonder whether or not to relay this bad energy to them. i’ve always been of the mentality, “i’d rather not know”.

she also has begun throwing in some guilt trips of “you’ll probably cut contact with me like he did his mom” and i snapped back that “i 100% would, try putting your hands on me”. i stand by it. she says he will have bad karma if he doesn’t send his mom money. (she has delusioned herself into thinking i zelle her monthly bc im a good daughter. i zelle her because i’m literally paying her back for car insurance.)

so do i tell him? and how do i tell him?