I think I'm less capable than when I started.
Tagging this as personal advice because I'm pretty sure this has to do with me and not my environment/research.
I started out pretty okay. I could think, I could plan, I was creative, I could persevere; it was hard but I could do it. Then within the past year I've just slid off the deep end. My brain feels like pudding. I can't do anything outside of the most rote tasks. My PI has to constantly ask me to restate my thoughts because anything that comes out of my mouth is nonsense, even if I've taken the time to think it through. I can barely get out of bed, can't clean my apartment, get into lab hours late, and find it nearly impossible to get anything done without a looming deadline.
I'm just so TIRED. These past 5 years feel like they've wrung me out into a husk. I've done all the right things to get help: I see a therapist and I'm on multiple antidepressants after lots of trial and error. But it isn't enough. My defense date is roughly set for March but I genuinely don't think I can make it, and even if I do I won't have the ability to answer any questions during the closed door session.
I don't know what to do anymore outside of continuing to limp along like I have been, but I really don't know how long I can do it. I need someone to say that they had a low like this but they made it through, if at all possible, because I can't convince myself of that anymore.